It's that sense of comfort and that feeling that you can totally be yourself around someone and feel loved, appreciated, and understood with that person...and that feeling being mutual. As odd as it may seem given the circumstances, that is actually something that despite the "doorslam", still exists between us. We went through a lot together and she did shut me out, but she has also acknowledged the spiritual connectedness that we still share even now. In fact one of our last conversations recently she mentioned how she feels like she will always know my spirit and my sincere intentions which is why she feels comfortable still talking to me.
However, the vulnerability that it brings up for her causes her to retreat and pull away from me again. So, we've been doing this back & forth thing for a while. Which I know is due to the lack of trust. But I can't help but wonder if it were theoretically possible to regain her trust over time, whether she might be able to be vulnerable with me again. And if so, then I do believe we could have a relationship again. It would be a different kind of relationship in terms of how we resolve conflicts and handle issues, but there would be the same basic fundamental compatibility which drew us together in the first place and gave us that sense of comfort and connectedness.
Maybe that's just me being hopeful....but I think each situation is different and maybe it's incredibly rare and unlikely, but I think maybe there are some cases out there where reconciliation is possible for an INFJ after a doorslam. But I dunno, maybe I'm wrong.....
Edit: Now that I think about, I suppose that based on what I've read from other INFJs, this back & forth thing where she opens up and then retreats again may not necessarily be her feeling vulnerable and shutting down again due to the lack of trust. Perhaps it's just that she senses me wanting her to open up more and rather than give me any "false hope", she wants to do what's best for me to help me let go & move on since she's already moved on...so, she retreats for my sake. Maybe she doesn't feel vulnerable at all! Maybe it's not even about trusting me at this point. She's just done with me and she doesn't want me to hang on so, she pulls away to "help" me move on. That would be typical a INFJ thing I think. So, yeah.... I guess I probably am wrong. :-/ God this sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edit: Or maybe it's a little bit of both?!?