Thank you, I appreciate your feedback. I understand what you're saying and although it's difficult to hear, I can accept it. I'm at a point where I'm pretty convinced that she'd never open up to me again and am really doing my best to try and let go but there's still a part of me that wants to hang on just in case she ever does come back around. This experience has been really hard and I do understand how hurtful my behavior was....being an ISFJ/INFJ myself, I get it. And that's why I'm pretty sure she's not going to open up to me again. I don't feel like I'm on here seeking advice on how to win her over again. I don't think it's possible! If she ever opens up to me again it will be because she wants to, not because of anything I do to win her over. I guess I just wanted some INFJ's opinions on whether or not they personally would consider opening up again given the circumstances.... open up on their own I mean....not as a result of coercion or convincing from the other person.
I definitely know what you mean in terms of turning habits like being abusive being impossible without LOTS of practice and being under stress. When I say I have grown, I don't mean that I just read some books and now I'm healed...I mean I've been putting a lot of time and work into practicing under stress how to handle things in healthier and more constructive ways. So, I wouldn't expect her to open up to me so that I could "practice" with her... I know that I would have to have already practiced enough to have really developed healthier habits before she would even consider opening up to me again, if it's even a possibility.
Also, I just want to clarify that I wasn't "verbally abusive"...when I talk about being emotionally abusive, I am referring to things like me having anger outbursts, yelling, and shutting down emotionally. I didn't call her names or put her down or try to hurt her verbally. I am certainly not trying to make light of how I treated her or of my behavior. I know how hurtful my behavior was to her because I can empathize having grown up with an emotionally abusive mother! But I do believe there is a difference between the two that should be clarified because I was not "mean" or intentionally hurtful to her. However, I had a difficult time controlling my emotions and reacted by behaving in ways that were hurtful to her.
It may be helpful to mention as well that I am female. Not that me being male would change the situation...but I have a tendency to believe that when it comes to emotions, a relationship between two females is very different than one between a man and a woman, typically.