Hello, everyone! I'm sure some of you have seen me around before, but if you haven't, I'm SingSmileShine. I'm an ENFP (pretty much to the T) and I want to be on Broadway. That's about it for me. (:
Anyway, I suffer from severe OCD and generalized anxiety disorder. (I have a bit of an eating disorder, too, and IBS, which acts up under severe stress (which is frequently) but these two are just extraneous, besides the point). I know that these aren't things that everyone has, but I still feel like I want to connect to other people who have these things. As a result, even the tiniest bit of stress or sadness will lead me to have mental breakdowns, awful thoughts, and bouts of severe depression and overwhelmedness (is that a word)? I am a very happy person by nature (enneagram 7) but I am so easily subject to overwhelm and worry and stress and sadness that I'm starting to question who I am. I'm also a very tough person, but I feel so vulnerable sometimes - like my anxiety eats away at me until I have to cry in bed. I put on a brave face no matter where I go and fight through it, no matter what, and I have the most optimistic attitude about any suffering I go through, but I still want it all to get better. I know it will someday, but I'm so tired of waiting. Plus, there are a lot of external circumstances leading up to my sadness: lots of problems with my friends, maintaining a high GPA, many various extracurricular activities, crappy teachers, not being able to go to the gym as much as I like, etc.
I really feel sometimes that the only time when I am happy is when I am at the gym I go to. I try to go every day, and it's always the best part of my day. I feel so rejuvenated. But whenever I have to leave, I'm always so sad and I just want to go back as soon as I start packing up to leave. I can't live at the gym, though, obviously. I also love singing, but even that isn't as fun because, for some reason, since September my life has been extremely rough and I can't find as much motivation or energy to go through with the things I used to love (and still love, just can't find the motivation for).
I am on meds. They're just not working very well right now. /:
I guess, for the most part, this was a rant to myself in order to vent off some steam. However, I would really, really love to know if any of you other NFs feel like this, and I especially ask you because I would love to hear some of your experiences, how you got through them, and I feel overall more comfortable ranting to my NF brethren/sistren because of all of your sweet personalities and caring natures.
You are all lovely people, and I hope you all have lovely days!