Meeeeh you dont understand what I am saying. Did you read my original post?
What I am saying is there is ways to show love. OF COURSE I sacrifice! My goodness, I'm and ENFP enagaged to an ISTJ for goodness sake! What I am saying, is that I would not want someone to do something they hate "for me to be happy". That is selfish to me. I can't enjoy myself knowing that another person is doing something they do want to do. That's not me. Sacrifice can be done in many ways. I sacrifice in different ways than he does and he does in different ways than I do. I just cant enjoy myself when I know someone else isn't enjoying themselve.
I did.
I'm glad you don't actually feel the way
you claimed you did about sacrifice and love.
A personal observation on ENFPs (and ENTPs, well ExxPs really) is that they are capable of being flippant and may casually say absurd things that they do not really mean out of boredom, exasperation, or laziness. Clear communication is important in a relationship. ISTJs require this clarity even more than INFJs do, so I hope you two can bridge the chasm. On the plus side, your love language (Fi) and action orientation (Te) are the same despite your very different types. I think this is the same reason I am sometimes attracted to ESTPs.
In the end it really doesn't matter that you two don't like the same things, or if you think each other's activities are strange, boring, or pointless. What matters is your willingness to accommodate the other's interests because loving other people means their happiness matters to you. I don't share my boyfriend's enthusiasm for amphibians, extreme food competitions, or keggers, but I partake on all of the above on occasion (at my own comfort level) out of love for him and I don't
resent doing it. I'm not a brat about it. I don't pout. I make the best of it. And the b/f will return the favor when I'm keen on watching a Jane Austen movie or going to the museum and sometimes he surprises himself by enjoying it. This is really critical because I hear a lot of people (like my stepmother) claiming to respect their s.o.'s activities, but b*tch and moan when asked to participate or accommodate. That's
not compromise. That's the appearance of compromise so you can claim the martyr position in the relationship and leverage it to manipulate your partner into getting what you want. And it seems like you realize all of this, but maybe he doesn't.
I'd think about my talking points in advance and level with him. Maybe share the things you're willing to flex on and ask him directly what things is he willing to flex on. And be sure you tell him not to say things he'll do begrudgingly, but stuff he really is okay stepping back on. Tell him that this is really important to you. Then give him some time if he needs it. Us IxxJs generally need time and space to think things over that require a perspective adjustment before we can get back to you, but generally (if we are reasonable and mature), and we know it's important to you, we
will think it over.
It's a must that both parties value and respect what the other contributes to their life experience, but not a must that you share all the same interests. Variety is the spice of life and all that. Opposites attract. Whatever angle you want to take, just remind him of that fundamental. Don't sit on this. This is laying the groundwork for your marriage. Best of luck.
