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  1. #71
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post

    No, *he* doesn't need to understand how the world works. *You* need him to understand how the world works.
    uhm, Everyone should understand how the world works....my desire for humanity is to understand how the world works..


    And quoting all of my paragraphs (which for some reason, the forum isnt letting my quote your message properly...) what is your reason for that? Are you trying to make to look illogical? That I am wishy-washy? That I don't know what I am talking about?

    The words you bolded in red are words. I speak abstractly. When I say crazy, I dont mean that he literally thinks I am crazy.

    When i say mad, I don't mean that he's yelling in my face, slamming doors, hanging up on me. Are you saying that a person cannot be calm and mad at the same time? That any who is mad has to be aggressive?

    I just dont know what you're trying to do with all of this

  2. #72
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd Girl View Post
    You indicated you did in a previous post or did I misuderstand?...

    Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP
    I love playing sports but HATE watching it on TV. So he asks me all the time to sit and watch a game with him, even if I am uninterested or don't want to. If I were to watch the game, he would LOVE it, since I am doing something I dont want to do, just to be with him.
    What is this? Are you trying to prove that I sacrifice for unhappiness for his happiness? or not?
    I never said in that post that I adhere to doing what he wants. I don't watch games with him.

  3. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    uhm, Everyone should understand how the world works....my desire for humanity is to understand how the world works..


    And quoting all of my paragraphs (which for some reason, the forum isnt letting my quote your message properly...) what is your reason for that? Are you trying to make to look illogical? That I am wishy-washy? That I don't know what I am talking about?

    The words you bolded in red are words. I speak abstractly. When I say crazy, I dont mean that he literally thinks I am crazy.

    When i say mad, I don't mean that he's yelling in my face, slamming doors, hanging up on me. Are you saying that a person cannot be calm and mad at the same time? That any who is mad has to be aggressive?

    I just dont know what you're trying to do with all of this
    Respectfully, I wanted you to see the fluctuation in your emotions and how for someone that's about to be married you are doing more complaining than one would expect. I don't see that. Ever. There's no hidden meaning in my post.

    Relationship basics 101: Take the good with the bad. If you can't, then walk away. You can't make somebody change. It's not fair for you to put that on him. You deny that's what you're doing, but I wonder if he's reading this thread...

  4. #74
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    We've never been the perfect couple. But, I will tell you, we try and work hard on everything. He's told me that he feels like the marriage will take hard work, but he feels that it will be worth all of it. I am honestly trying to speak in objective truth, and without being biased, or wear my glasses with the rosy lenses:

    This man, though, he has some weird ISTJ perspectives, is the most kind, timid, humble, honest, pure man I have ever met. He isn't violent, he doesn't speak rudely of people. He is very, very sweet. No one would or could picture a better man for me. Not my family, not my friends. He is a really, really, really good guy. he just needs to understand how the world works since he was brought up sheltered. He will be a great husband and take all of the commitment seriously.

    I do not bend to his will. He says he would like me to do these things, and I don't unless I fully agree with it. (Keep in mind, I use Fi!!). He gets frustrated when I dont see his POV, just as I do, but we will sit and talk for HOURS about any problems until we fully get it. (I've been working a lot this week, so we havent gotten to dig deep into this event yet). I think people think I drop everything to do what he wants, but I do not. I don't sacrifice things for his happiness; I can be kinda stubborn and selfish, and I am aware. So I want to work on the things where I could give up, but this one, I cannot see myself doing.

    If only you guys could see how much more stuck in his ways he used to be before dating me. He's adapted, and his family thinks he's changed from who he used to be. He is becoming more rounded but definitely needs more time.
    Okay.

    You are just giving the impression that hes not doing as much changing as needed to, i mean even tho he would had changed alot, he still seems like some guy from middle ages. From what you said earlier it sounds like only work he is doing for this is to go to marriage counseling with you.

    Have you thought about how selfishly he is acting and how completely he ignores how you feel, about this spending time in a bar with your friends? It sounds like its not just this where he ignores your feelings, like this him wanting you to watch a game even tho you dont want to. I mean like you already told, he gets kicks out of it when he is able to make you do things against your will. This doesent sound kind at all, quite the contrary. Also it sounds like he just shows kindness to make you bend on his wants, a form of manipulation, another way to control you(his external world).

    Not to mention that it seems as if you are just projecting this kindness to him, you know him acting in a certain way and you misinterpreting his actions, because it fits for the reasons you would have to similar actions. Its the same thing if i were dating someone totally irrational F type and she would occasionally make some decision that would make total sense to me(thinking it rationally and me interpreting it as her thinking it rationally, even tho it was some feeling that just led her to act in a way that also makes sense to my rational thinking.

    Also it seems that its just that you are in love and dont know about better.

    But maybe its just the way you presented him, but makes me wonder why you presented him in that light, usually this sort of stuff tells something what the person thinks unconsciously.

    But this is just turning into useless argument, so i just hope what ever you do, you will be happy with what ever you do. Just make sure you arent the one sacrificing everything and him just going to this counseling thing just to keep you around to make him happy and have someone to control.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  5. #75
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    How I look at this is similar to INTP and Nerd Girl.

    I am taking into account on how he responds to your feelings - which is not much from what you had shared with us here. Sure, anyone can change with time but my gut-feeling is that you might feel your feelings will less likely be reciprocated once you're married. For some reason, how I look at this is that he likes being in control - introvert or not. He seems passive-aggressive to me.

    I can see why you had mentioned you see things in his perspective too - that's great. It's another to be seeing things in his perspective for too long - Ne on overdrive perhaps? I have no doubt that you love him - Fi is an amazing thing and I have no doubt that you're trying your best to be in this relationship because of your feelings for him. Just that I have a feeling that you might have trouble after some time after being married to him. Like INTP had just mentioned about you sacrificing everything - because that is what I see too. You love your freedom being around more people whereas he feels his freedom only when you do things to make him happy. Thing is...are you happy? Do you feel happy when you make him happy? Has he addressed your needs that makes you happy? (I might've forgotten that point because there are a lot replies.)

    I really wish the best for you, I really do. I really hope the premarital counselling has reap some benefits.

  6. #76

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    @2XtremeENFP

    I marvel that so many forum members think they know your relationship and your partner better than you do because you've made several posts discussing a specific relationship conflict.

    At least you're aware of the natural limitations of sharing only one party's perspective, online, and to a bunch of anonymous strangers... because few others seem to.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  7. #77
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    @2XtremeENFP

    I marvel that so many forum members think they know your relationship and your partner better than you do because you've made several posts discussing a specific relationship conflict.

    At least you're aware of the natural limitations of sharing only one party's perspective, online, and to a bunch of anonymous strangers... because few others seem to.


  8. #78
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    @2XtremeENFP

    I marvel that so many forum members think they know your relationship and your partner better than you do because you've made several posts discussing a specific relationship conflict.

    At least you're aware of the natural limitations of sharing only one party's perspective, online, and to a bunch of anonymous strangers... because few others seem to.
    You really have no Dr. Frankenstein potential
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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