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  1. #51
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Before this gets too far, both me and my ISTJ have never ever cheated on one and another. And He is definitely not the jealous type at all. He isn't threated by ex boyfriends, he isn't really threatened by my guy friends. I think where he comes from is that it isn't "right" for a girl to hang out with guys by herself if she has a boyfriend. It isn't "right" for a wife to go out with mix gender if her husband isn't there. He doesnt think anything bad will happen, but rather, he feels that it just isn't what is suppose to happen. Though, If I can explain this correctly, he is worried what people think about him when he isn't there. That maybe people will think he's antisocial, weird, unsupportive, or whatever, perhaps undermine him. I'm not sure where this comes from. He is a very logical person. He tested as a type 5 (though, I'm not sure I fully agree on that yet...) so maybe that has something to do with it??

    That being said, he isn't jealous of me going out at all. I do know that he wishes he could be more comfortable when he goes out, but then there's times where he takes PRIDE in the fact that he dislikes dancing, bars, loud music, etc. He loves being different than what the typical 'world' enjoys.
    yea i see. the dynamic of your relationship you describe isnt one I have experience before. still it reminds me a lot of an istj friend of mine. I am tho quite clueless about that guy, so forgot what Ive said earlier
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  2. #52
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    Okay.

    Btw have you talked about parenting, i could see you two having sooo different views on how to raise a child and i can see this bringing up some major problems.

    Also you mentioned that your premaritial counseling is at church. Is the counselor some grumpy old fart who sees female-male friendship as something close to cheating or someone who lives on earth, not in heaven?
    Yeah, we have some similar parenting styles, though, he is way more conservative than I am (though, we are both very strong christians). Our biggest issue was discussing spanking which we will discuss with the pastor to help us sort our thoughts.

    Thankfully, our pastor is so very understanding, and supports me in my values and ideas. He is in no way going to hold us to gender-stereotypes and things like that. I believe he is an INFP (and i believe his wife to be an ESTJ, though, not confirmed). He sees that my ISTJ can be uptight and hard to budge and he works on him to help understand others feelings. It;s great to have him, he is such an understanding pastor.

  3. #53
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    Wtf, seriously.. Has he had some psychological evaluation? That sounds like serious psychopath trait..
    LOL I think it's acts of kindess mixed with quality time. hahahah for example, sporting games. I love playing sports but HATE watching it on TV. So he asks me all the time to sit and watch a game with him, even if I am uninterested or don't want to. If I were to watch the game, he would LOVE it, since I am doing something I dont want to do, just to be with him. Oh boy, i hope that clears it up

    (This is why he wants to come out to social gatherings, even though he doesnt like it. He views this as showing love. Though, I do not, and wish he could understand that I dont appreciate sacrifices like that)

  4. #54
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Yeah, we have some similar parenting styles, though, he is way more conservative than I am (though, we are both very strong christians). Our biggest issue was discussing spanking which we will discuss with the pastor to help us sort our thoughts.

    Thankfully, our pastor is so very understanding, and supports me in my values and ideas. He is in no way going to hold us to gender-stereotypes and things like that. I believe he is an INFP (and i believe his wife to be an ESTJ, though, not confirmed). He sees that my ISTJ can be uptight and hard to budge and he works on him to help understand others feelings. It;s great to have him, he is such an understanding pastor.
    Lol i was going to say that he would most likely raise the children with a belt and some 1800's values, while youd try to make them explore the world and support the child.. But i thought it might had been bit too harsh.

    I hope your religious world views(or more the world view you have because raised in religious surroundings) doesent keep you from looking for a mentally healthy man..
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  5. #55
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    LOL I think it's acts of kindess mixed with quality time. hahahah for example, sporting games. I love playing sports but HATE watching it on TV. So he asks me all the time to sit and watch a game with him, even if I am uninterested or don't want to. If I were to watch the game, he would LOVE it, since I am doing something I dont want to do, just to be with him. Oh boy, i hope that clears it up

    (This is why he wants to come out to social gatherings, even though he doesnt like it. He views this as showing love. Though, I do not, and wish he could understand that I dont appreciate sacrifices like that)
    Yea, but i dont have any problems seeing this sort of trait developing into marital rape or stuff like that over time after he thinks he cant lose you and gets pissed off about you for you not raising the children properly, dont obey his rules etc etc..
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    Yep. I'm dating an ENFP and this is precisely what I do. While I watch Netflix, he goes out with his friends and parties like it's 1999... and then he comes home when his stomach is in knots because he decided to be the belle of the ball and shotgun 12 blazin' hot buffalo wild wings for a free t-shirt.

    Stomachs don't always repair themselves but t shirts are forever.

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Unless I am fooling myself, I do accept him the way he is. We did break up a few years ago, and I dated around and realized that he is the best for me, even though we have our differences. I decided to embrace them and grow instead of getting upset every time we are different.

    I am asking these questions not to change him, but to understand where he is coming from, to check and balance my rationality, and to sort my thoughts. I am not going to break up with him, or push the wedding. I didn't ask those questions -- we both work and WANT to work on our relationship.
    One moment you're unhappy about the way he limits your social activities, the next moment you're making excuses for him.

    You don't have a workable problem. The issue is between your innate personalities, which you both must accept may never change. He does NOT like to be around people, so he will stay home, while you go out with your girlfriends. He will rush you around when he does go; just as he has always done. Accept that. If he changes, great!

    I'm assuming he is secure in himself to let you go out without him? If he has shown any signs of distrust in the past, then yes, you are beyond a fool to marry him.

    (It's unreasonable to expect any more than what you've consistently seen the last 7-years of dating. I don't understand why you both waited until you get married to see if you can work through this.)

    @INTP: good posts.

  8. #58
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    Lol i was going to say that he would most likely raise the children with a belt and some 1800's values, while youd try to make them explore the world and support the child.. But i thought it might had been bit too harsh.

    I hope your religious world views(or more the world view you have because raised in religious surroundings) doesent keep you from looking for a mentally healthy man..
    I wasn't really grown up in a religious background. Kinda sorta. Grew up in a home where we believe in God, but didnt adjust our lifestyles. Where now, I make an active effort to live the way I am called to. (Though, this is a whole other topic...)

  9. #59
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Now i feel bad for trying to control your thoughts lol

    Anyways, you should keep in mind that as an ENFP in love, you most likely have way overly idealistic view about him, so think about this very carefully, and try to do so with your Te, your NeFi wont give you a realistic view that will last.

    Try to see him as someone who is for example your friends(or sisters, someone who is as important to you as you are) boyfriend, and your friend is you. Think about it rationally, look at it from all angles over and over again and think if you would want your friend to marry this guy or find someone else. Dont think about you losing love, love is something you can find again, think about this person from objective point of view, thats something you are trading and the thing that you wont find again, but after knowing that you will find love again. You dumbing him wouldnt be the end of love, just a new person amd new love.

    But i dont agree that its impossible for him to change, just nearly impossible, also why wouod he change if you just go with what ever he says and simply dont put your foot down and tell him tht you like to spend time with your friends, thats who you are, if he doesent like you, he can fuck off..
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  10. #60
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    I wasn't really grown up in a religious background. Kinda sorta. Grew up in a home where we believe in God, but didnt adjust our lifestyles. Where now, I make an active effort to live the way I am called to. (Though, this is a whole other topic...)
    Okay. But you know, you are the one making the calling for yourself but not going to make this as a religious debate.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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