[INFP] I felt butterflies last week...for an INFP boy.

[thescientist]

HELP!


We have been friends for some time, but I was in the midst of dating an ENFP when our friendship was blossoming. That relationship didnt work out so I continued my friendship with the INFP. We hung out in a small group last week. Everyone left. He lingered. We talked for hours. I felt the stinking butterflies all weekend.

UGH. Things have been a little different since that night. He initiated contact all week after that. We both recognize and are aware we're attracted to each other physically and our friendship consists of a lot of blatant flirtation on both ends. We're also kind of each other's confidantes.

He's not very forward at all. I've been as obvious as an INTJ can be. I think he picks up on the hints, but seems hesitant to pursue. I don't want to screw this one up! Not sure how to go about this. Never met an INFP boy like him. So smart and sophisticated. So much in common. The introversion...not so sure about. I usually go weak at the knees for ENFPs. But this INFP intrigues me...in a different way. How can I tell if he's interested in me beyond friendship?

 

[OrangeAppled]

I need to start keeping a tally of INTJ women who post online for advice on an INFP man they're smitten with.... It's like I know what type the OP of these threads will be before I even open them now.

I'm not an INFP male, so I can't offer too much insight, except I do have some general INFP tips in my blog here: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=30112

 

[thescientist]

That is a really good summary of the INFP. You INFPs are so self-aware and self-knowledgeable. I think he likes me, he's just being careful and not rushing. He's also not very forward when it comes to asking girls out. He has told me this in the past. I lay the flirting on pretty thick just so he's aware. Hopefully nature will take its course from here.

There's a party tomorrow that we've both been invited to so I'll get to see him then! I'm excited. Hopefully I dont behave too awkwardly around him since this whole "butterflies" thing is pretty new.

 

[INTP]

 

[sleuthiness]

infps report intj crushings-on online way more often. Why i dis you asz.

What do you know about men?

 

[animenagai]

This is so cute! I agree with INTP, you've got nothing to lose, just do it!

 

[JivinJeffJones]

From that, if you ask him he'll say yes. Maybe if you're worried about rushing him you can just leave it at telling him that you really really like him, in fact you totes have a crush on him. Then keep a close eye out for make-out opportunities. That's still ball in his court. INFPs are very open to spontaneity, but less so in matters of the heart I think. Decisions like this can be over-analysed and second-guessed because the consequences could be so OMFG IMMENSE if we get it wrong. Plus, why would she like me? I'm not purely awesome -- I can't even ollie. A push can help with that.

Just don't try the "make him a bit jealous" gambit to hasten his dragging feet, because I guarantee he'd walk away. Zero in on him in the party.

 

[thescientist]

*

 

[Elfboy]

HELP!

We have been friends for some time, but I was in the midst of dating an ENFP when our friendship was blossoming. That relationship didnt work out so I continued my friendship with the INFP. We hung out in a small group last week. Everyone left. He lingered. We talked for hours. I felt the stinking butterflies all weekend.
UGH. Things have been a little different since that night. He initiated contact all week after that. We both recognize and are aware we're attracted to each other physically and our friendship consists of a lot of blatant flirtation on both ends. We're also kind of each other's confidantes.
He's not very forward at all. I've been as obvious as an INTJ can be. I think he picks up on the hints, but seems hesitant to pursue. I don't want to screw this one up! Not sure how to go about this. Never met an INFP boy like him. So smart and sophisticated. So much in common. The introversion...not so sure about. I usually go weak at the knees for ENFPs. But this INFP intrigues me...in a different way. How can I tell if he's interested in me beyond friendship?

- you like him
- he likes you
- both of you know you have chemistry
- you're both single

I don't see what the question is. just ask him out on a date and get things going.

 

[William K]

Find a club (not a golf one), hit him on the head and drag him to the nearest cave

On a more serious note, don't assume that the INFP understands all the signals you are sending to him. They can be so inwardly-looking and self-doubting that they would more likely shrug it off as a case of mistaken identity. As JivinJeffJones says, the question "Why would she like/choose/be attracted me?" will probably be rattling inside his head and he would hesitate to go ahead and ask you to confirm it for the fear of being mistaken.

Just go ahead and tell him. Even if it doesn't work out romantically, you will still be the best of friends.

 

[JocktheMotie]

I'm also going to suggest the more direct approach. Also consider INPs can be clueless with social graces, and tend to be withdrawing so advances have to be generally obvious. Not mention INJs typically shroud themselves in this ambiguous mysterio all the time because I think they subconsciously hate being read, so when you THINK you're being obvious you're probably not and just come off as confusing. Look to your ENJ brothers and sisters for how to be obvious.

I'd suggest asking him for a coffee/bookstore trip, and then just tell him you really like him.

 

[thescientist]

I'd suggest asking him for a coffee/bookstore trip,

^ I like this part...

and then just tell him you really like him.

^ Not so much this part.



Bookstore sounds like a great casual thing to do. I will attempt suggesting this at some point.

 

[thescientist]

ENFPs are so easy to seduce. I'm at a loss with this one. HOW DOES AN INTJ LADY SEDUCE AN INFP?

 

[xenaprincess]

aw, that's sweet!!

I agree, avoid the game-playing. That kind of thing raises all the self-doubts inside. No fun.
An easy way is to make the 1st move. Go to a concert. Or bookstore. And. Just...sidle on next to him.
I also wouldn't say 'I like you' as the way in. It's a little too direct. And then what?

Look at it like approaching a kitty cat. Or you're the kitty cat. One or the other.
Have fun!!

 

[Synapse]

ENFPs are so easy to seduce. I'm at a loss with this one. HOW DOES AN INTJ LADY SEDUCE AN INFP?

You can practice on me and I will tell you when I become seduced.

Willing to give feedback.

My 2cents

Be direct, say come to a park...alone! Touch his manhood and kiss him. Then all of a sudden his passion for you spills forth like an avalanche of desire as you start kissing each other madly as if suddenly there was not enough oxygen in the place. Works for imagination.

As for reality. taking an anvil and hitting him on the head usually works.

Am out of ideas.

and whoever said INFPs are clueless with social grace are a wethorn. Srsly people INFP's are the real predators. Their guile and savvy natures are like lions waiting for their lamb to come along and pounce, pounce pounce, once, twice, thrice. That overpowering sweaty smell of love out of each other.

 

[Totenkindly]

I'm also going to suggest the more direct approach. Also consider INPs can be clueless with social graces, and tend to be withdrawing so advances have to be generally obvious. Not mention INJs typically shroud themselves in this ambiguous mysterio all the time because I think they subconsciously hate being read, so when you THINK you're being obvious you're probably not and just come off as confusing. Look to your ENJ brothers and sisters for how to be obvious.

^^ That's good stuff.

There has to be at least one move here that is completely overt, to break through the doubt/mysterio haze.

 

[Unique]

Having to make virtually every move is one of the reasons I am not compatible with INFPs but I wish you the best of luck as a fellow introvert... INTJs more rapid fire communication style could be an advantage though

Only advice I could give is that INFPs often have an 'ideal' partner in mind which might throw you off if you let it, their ideals are usually in the unrealistic realm and really they appreciate being led.

 

[Uytuun]

Not mention INJs typically shroud themselves in this ambiguous mysterio all the time because I think they subconsciously hate being read

Could you elaborate a little on this? I think the mystery thing combined with Fi (basically the self-doubt overanalysing taking things seriously thing) is lethal in the relationship formation context, but I'm fairly oblivious to the mysterio bit and if I can't see or understand it, I can't do much about it.

I think for an INJ to be "read" in the traditional sense of the term would often be to misunderstand them. We're fundamentally shifty.

 

[ThisIsWhereIrunAway]

Could you elaborate a little on this? I think the mystery thing combined with Fi (basically the self-doubt overanalysing taking things seriously thing) is lethal in the relationship formation context, but I'm fairly oblivious to the mysterio bit and if I can't see or understand it, I can't do much about it.

I think for an INJ to be "read" in the traditional sense of the term would often be to misunderstand them. We're fundamentally shifty.

just throwin this out there. but that could potentially be a reason why the infp isnt sure if he likes her. justtt hypothetically

 

[JocktheMotie]

Could you elaborate a little on this? I think the mystery thing combined with Fi (basically the self-doubt overanalysing taking things seriously thing) is lethal in the relationship formation context, but I'm fairly oblivious to the mysterio bit and if I can't see or understand it, I can't do much about it.

I think for an INJ to be "read" in the traditional sense of the term would often be to misunderstand them. We're fundamentally shifty.

As you say, you're fundamentally shifty and from my observations, some of them seem to subconsciously enjoy it and I've known them to sort of..."play that up" and make it work for them. Again, not to be misleading or manipulative, it's just how they are. Similar to how the NTPs will "play up" the haphazard, socially broken eccentric. However when the need arises to make a purposeful, non-ambiguous impression you're at a loss as to how to do it properly and as you say, overanalyze all possible interpretations of events, try to protect the Fi core, fumble about, fear the Se, repeat.

INTJs can't help but look at things strategically and part of "winning" the game is to cloak your moves, your intentions, what you know; generally just being obscure. It can be difficult to turn that off when you want to, and regulate it so as not to give mixed signals.