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  1. #21
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    As you say, you're fundamentally shifty and from my observations, some of them seem to subconsciously enjoy it and I've known them to sort of..."play that up" and make it work for them. Again, not to be misleading or manipulative, it's just how they are. Similar to how the NTPs will "play up" the haphazard, socially broken eccentric. However when the need arises to make a purposeful, non-ambiguous impression you're at a loss as to how to do it properly and as you say, overanalyze all possible interpretations of events, try to protect the Fi core, fumble about, fear the Se, repeat.

    INTJs can't help but look at things strategically and part of "winning" the game is to cloak your moves, your intentions, what you know; generally just being obscure. It can be difficult to turn that off when you want to, and regulate it so as not to give mixed signals.
    I wouldn't say shifty, as much as just hidden or obscure. The highlighted is certainly true, but I for one also do not like being read. I have no problem making purposeful, non-ambiguous impressions in professional or practical situations. When it comes to relationships, though, the risks are different and far harder to calculate. In this sense, it may be more a matter of reticence and unwillingness than real inability.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  2. #22
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Hi Everyone! Sorry to erase some of my posts. I was afraid he would run into them or something.

    In case everyone was curious, there was a BREAKTHROUGH. He had expressed some interest in me meeting some of his family. 2 important people from his family were over his house with friends last night and I got to know them. An INTJ sister-in-law and ENTP brother. I think I hit it off great with them. They are both pretty awesome people! Out of all the INTJs I know, she is the nicest one I've ever interacted with. But that's not the best part...

    After everyone left, he proceeded to full on kiss me and CONFESS HIS FEELINGS. After that, we made out some more and cuddled/spooned/talked the entire night until we fell asleep together on his couch and awoke the next morning. <3 He didnt want me to leave. And I didn't want to either.

    We are both TERRIFIED about giving it a go. But I am at least relieved to now know what he's feeling.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThisIsWhereIrunAway View Post
    just throwin this out there. but that could potentially be a reason why the infp isnt sure if he likes her. justtt hypothetically
    I didn't mean shifty in the sense of the negative connotation (though it could escalate into that dimension), it's that we're shifting perspectives around constantly and are making obscure connections in our heads, but sure I could see that leading to a feeling of uncertainty on the part of the other person (and in ourselves).

    We may seem unstable and difficult to predict in a way, but an INTJ with decent Fi is still beholden to those Fi principles.

    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    INTJs can't help but look at things strategically and part of "winning" the game is to cloak your moves, your intentions, what you know; generally just being obscure. It can be difficult to turn that off when you want to, and regulate it so as not to give mixed signals.
    Thanks for that observation. It rings true. I would always cast my love interests in a slightly adversarial role.

    Any concrete moves by ENJs that you can recommend...I'm not sure where to start in learning from them.

    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    he proceeded to full on kiss me and CONFESS HIS FEELINGS.
    Congrats! And what's your secret?

  4. #24

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    I can only talk for myself as an INFP, but, I am rarely the person to initiate anything. My friends always comment on how they're always the one who says hi first X)

    When I like a girl I tend to keep it to myself or just tell my closest friends, unless I'm sure they like me, in which case I may flirt but be reluctant to ask her if she wants to take things further. I go over it in my head so much that I begin to doubt how sure I am they like me.
    If the girl was to be the one who asks that would be perfect for me. They'd show confidence and drive, commitment AND they'd take the stress off me from not being sure of how they felt.

    I'd say he's probably second guessing your attraction to him and doubting whether he's good enough.

    You can try saying something concrete like "I really like you" and see if that pushes him into action but don't count on it.
    You may have to be the one who pushes things further or forever wait for him to get the courage.


    *Edit: Nevermind aha. Congrats and I hope things work out =)

  5. #25
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    Congrats! And what's your secret?
    Haha I guess I was kind of strategic. We were already good friends. I just stopped behaving like his friend/confidante and more like a sexy potential girlfriend. I made sure to always look and behave my best even in groups. I tried to never be clingy with him. If anything I drew in other guys' attention in groups, unintentionally. He was always observing/analyzing my behavior in group settings. Also, flirting...lots of it (learned skill).

    He already found my natural quirkiness and extreme discomfort with feelings to be endearing and adorable.

    He told me he found himself thinking about me A LOT and that it was confusing because there was never an initial spark between us. So the tension just built up. I gave the hints, but never made moves. I like my men to make the move and I didn't want to set up any early patterns of me taking the lead in the relationship. I just tried to make it easy for him to make the next move by giving clear signs and making sure he knew I wouldnt reject him.

    I honestly thought it was going to take him much longer to confess. I was pretty shocked at how intensely he felt about the whole thing and how much he'd been thinking about it.

    Sigh...

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