User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 21

  1. #1
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,835

    Default soul-depth in relationship with non-NF

    [removed for privacy's sake. thank you to everyone who has responded.]
    Last edited by skylights; 01-14-2012 at 09:13 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,899

    Default

    I wouldnt be at all surprised if just about every NF in a relationship with a non-NF feels that way. I think all my "MBTI about relationships"-books bring this point up.

  3. #3
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    help...?
    awww

    First off, I am happy that you are happy with this person ... it sounds like you have found someone with whom you share a special bond. Is it OK if I share some thoughts with you on the match, and from a longer term perspective? You will likely recall I am married to an ESTJ and it poses some special challenges as well as some very fine advantages.

    Just say the word and I'll type up my thoughts.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  4. #4
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,835

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    awww

    First off, I am happy that you are happy with this person ... it sounds like you have found someone with whom you share a special bond. Is it OK if I share some thoughts with you on the match, and from a longer term perspective? You will likely recall I am married to an ESTJ and it poses some special challenges as well as some very fine advantages.

    Just say the word and I'll type up my thoughts.
    yes please!!

    thank you so much

  5. #5
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,835

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    I wouldnt be at all surprised if just about every NF in a relationship with a non-NF feels that way. I think all my "MBTI about relationships"-books bring this point up.
    [also removed for privacy]
    Last edited by skylights; 01-14-2012 at 09:14 PM.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,899

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    y
    i suppose the answer to this could be to find me an NF, but i want him
    Fwiw, my advice would be acknowledge and appreciate the [NF-centric] gifts/attitude/style/perspective that you bring, recognize that many others will not possess it, and try to find, acknowledge, and appreciate what special things that they bring that you/us/we [NF's] probably dont bring or focus on.

  7. #7
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,835

    Default

    ^ well, i think i certainly appreciate his more steady way of caring and protection, his incredibly strong values and feeling of duty (never ceases to amaze me), and the amount of effort that he is willing to put in to things. it's also adorable the way he seems to be so surprised when certain things between us click... i am just like... well of course

    thank you @Scott N Denver, that makes me feel better

    i will think some more on that...

  8. #8
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    807

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    yeah... it's just... the same NF side of me that says that all this magic exists (the side which i trust because it is my soul and my light and my heart) says that everyone has this in them, all of life has this in them, all of the world has this in it, but i cannot for the life of me figure out how to tap into it. at first it terrified me that maybe he didn't have that side to him but i know he does. it just baffles me that what i feel lies at my core is not so important to others. i know that inside i feel like a glowing sparking bundle of Light and Energy and Joy and Hope and Love and Good and Nature and Being... do other people not feel this too... 0_o;

    i suppose the answer to this could be to find me an NF, but i want him
    I think you're right (on bolded text) that everyone has this side of them, though it's relatively easier for NFs to explore this. It might takes some time and effort to elicit SJs on the same mental plane as yours.

    Though isn't that the fun aspect of this union? I thought love is supposed to be challenging (and sometimes struggles) and it's all part of learning process. You don't have to lower your expectation on spirituality from him, though you can lessen your expectation by guiding and taking him to the this level gradually. What's more important is that perhaps he'll teach you how to be more grounded and focus on the practial side and appreciate to cherish the present intimacy?

    What I'm trying to say is, usually it takes endless patience to discover that subtle connection. I think most NFs come out strongly in the beginning when they're involved in a new relationship through idealization; whereas SJs tend to grow stronger as they have a more grounded approach in romance. Just try to expect less from him at this moment, so that there will be an opportunity for him to surprise you!

    one time i told him i don't know that i feel soul depth with him and he said that i was silly, he feels it with me. but... where... when...?
    Maybe he didn't express his depth of soul because he is learning this from you and wasn't able to express it accordingly. Somehow I think it is important to consider that the principle of diverse love is to recognize you are not the only individual in the cosmos, that all around you are other individuals, other souls, other Human beings, have different perception of the spiritual world. They are different from you and not you, yet you must communicate with them and understand them. Once you conquered it, that's when love become much more meaningful and precious.

    Just take it easy, skylights, I'm sure things will only be better!
    Johari vs. Nohari
    Likes BluRoses liked this post

  9. #9
    flowing quietly by River's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INxP
    Posts
    88

    Default

    if you think of your mind, your inner being as a castle with some scary parts in a deep relationship people can make more sense.

    I love my nf dearly but it took a few years for me lo let him take my hand and wander some beautifully scary parts of my self.
    Some parts are easily accessible, others require thought, trial and lots of error. But if you are determined, keep trying. Just avoid blame. After all, if he were dating a cute little isfj this wouldn't be a problem xD

    Consider what you really want to voice and what response you would like from him. Find multiple ways of saying the right thing. Over the next six months ask. Gently, non threateningly and without shown consequence if the outcome is not desirable. Then reassess the situation.

    Good luck

  10. #10
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    884

    Default

    Look into Love languages. Knowing how each of you receives messages of love the strongest can be very enlightening. Good luck!

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] Any ENFPs Been in Relationships with ENTJs?
    By nomadic in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 94
    Last Post: 05-09-2015, 01:51 AM
  2. [Fe] infj Fe in relationships with S.O.
    By the state i am in in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 09-10-2009, 03:55 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO