• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFJ] INFJ: Do you consider finding the perfect relationship #1 of your priorities?

do you consider finding the perfect relationship #1 of your priorities?

  • ages 18-25 "yes"

    Votes: 4 23.5%
  • ages 18-25 "no"

    Votes: 6 35.3%
  • ages 26-29 "yes"

    Votes: 3 17.6%
  • ages 26-29 "no"

    Votes: 1 5.9%
  • ages 30-36 "yes"

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • ages 30-36 "no"

    Votes: 1 5.9%
  • ages 37 and up "yes"

    Votes: 1 5.9%
  • ages 37 and up "no"

    Votes: 1 5.9%

  • Total voters
    17

jcloudz

Yup
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
1,525
MBTI Type
Istj
maybe near?

I have some other questions; does it bother you if someone is not very quick to open up with their feelings and emotions? or are you extremely comfortable with this, because it means you don`t have the burden of doing the same? Finally, where on your list, if there was one, where would having the perfect relationship be at?

Im doing a comparison between you and the intjs, make sure I understand, where you interest lie. a vote on the pole will work as well, if you don't feel like answering .

thanks
 

iwakar

crush the fences
Joined
May 2, 2007
Messages
4,877
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm 30 years old and I would say that it is top 3 as a priority.

My patience increased throughout my twenties for allowing people to open up in the romantic arena, but has been on a sharp decline since about 27 years old. The desire for biological children has necessitated that I stop conducting myself as if I have forever to achieve this goal because the reality is that I do not.

I also would say that I want a great, workable/negotiable relationship. Waiting for perfect is a waste of time.
 

Inverness

New member
Joined
Jul 14, 2011
Messages
99
MBTI Type
INFJ
Yes. And, no it doesn't really bother me that someone doesn't open up immediately, I know I'm not an open book. And I wouldn't say I'm uncomfortable with it, but I wish it was otherwise.

And back to 'priorities in life' question, yes the pursuit (both concious and unconsciously) for the ideal partner literally runs me, and I say that very begrudgingly.
 

Renn

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2011
Messages
27
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
1w9
I don't consider finding the perfect relationship number one of my priorities because my belief is that by improving myself and making myself centered first, I will be able to find that right relationship. By focusing first on my character development and on the things that I want to do with my life, the right person will come along because I'm on the right track. Then if that person won't come, I will still be happy doing what I want. That was my thought a year before. Then someone I think is right for me came and I'm in a happy relationship now. Though the future is uncertain, I'm doing my best to make it work :)
 

typologywhore

New member
Joined
Oct 30, 2011
Messages
121
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Well, I know intellectually that "perfection" in relationships isn't possible, but do have an inner ideal that I'm constantly lusting after/looking for. I want to have relationships that are exciting, honest, nurturing, compassionate, effective, beneficial to the growth of both parties. (And yes, that would be relationships plural, as the idea of strict monogamy squicks me on a fundamental level XD)

Hn. I feel like it ought to tie for top priority along with personal growth. But honestly, on a day-to-day level, I do think about/work towards this kind of vision of ideal relationships more than I concentrate on personal development. Which may be disadvantageous for happiness in the long run.
 

Crescent Fresh

Diving into Ni-space
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
802
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
maybe near?

I have some other questions; does it bother you if someone is not very quick to open up with their feelings and emotions? or are you extremely comfortable with this, because it means you don`t have the burden of doing the same? Finally, where on your list, if there was one, where would having the perfect relationship be at?

Im doing a comparison between you and the intjs, make sure I understand, where you interest lie. a vote on the pole will work as well, if you don't feel like answering .

thanks

I think being an INFJ constantly seek for personal connection from people who shares our values. I wouldn't call my preference of seeking an ideal person as a "perfection" crusade, as I am a firm believer of there's no such thing as flawless personality.

Though my definition of perfect relationship has to do with the discovery of qualities from others which I don't have, or any in-depth insight which impressed me.
 

Aquarelle

Starcrossed Seafarer
Joined
Jun 16, 2010
Messages
3,144
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I'm 30, and I said no, because of a technicality of semantics. I consider CULTIVATING a HEALTH, LOVING relationship my #1 priority. Or very near, anyway. The perfect relationship doesn't exist, and you certainly can't just "find" it. You have to work at it, and even then you must be prepared to accept its imperfections.
 

kyli_ryan

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2010
Messages
288
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
2wX
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I'm 30, and I said no, because of a technicality of semantics. I consider CULTIVATING a HEALTH, LOVING relationship my #1 priority. Or very near, anyway. The perfect relationship doesn't exist, and you certainly can't just "find" it. You have to work at it, and even then you must be prepared to accept its imperfections.

Yes, I agree with most of this. I'm younger though, almost 23. I don't think the "perfect" relationship really exists/that I would be interested in it. I think that a relationship that has no strife is probably one that isn't natural. The commitment to work on a healthy and functional and satisfying relationship is the important thing.
 

Rail Tracer

Freaking Ratchet
Joined
Jun 29, 2010
Messages
3,031
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Age 22.

Nope. A working relationship will suffice. Because, quite honestly, I don't expect the other person to be perfect nor do I want that person to expect that I am either. If anything, it is probably a #2 in my priorities (a working relationship, that is.)

Working on myself first is the #1, as a person who hasn't come in terms of himself isn't going to see fulfillment with a relationship anyways.
 

Luv Deluxe

Step into my office.
Joined
Jun 25, 2011
Messages
441
MBTI Type
NiSe
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
No. I tend to believe in finding love by accident, which means the active pursuit of a "perfect" relationship isn't really an issue for me. I guess I feel that obsessing on something, or forcing a situation in one way or another, will almost guarantee its collapse. I've seen quite a few people chase what they think they want - without honestly taking into consideration what might actually work for them - and their relationships tend to be very inorganic and awkward at best.

I suppose I'm romanticizing the idea of blind chance a little bit, but that's how I feel. If you keep an open mind and just happen to develop a connection with someone when you weren't even seeking anything, the bond will probably feel much more natural, authentic, and intuitive. So, I don't worry too much about finding the perfect relationship; I'd rather let love find me. In the meantime, I focus on myself and my work.
 

CuriousFeeling

From the Undertow
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
2,937
MBTI Type
INfJ
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I'm in my mid 20s. Finding a relationship is a priority of mine considering I desire to settle down and have a family one day. But in the real world, a perfect relationship doesn't exist. You have to work towards keeping a relationship together. Both people in a couple have to be able to support each other, emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually, intellectually. Coming across this is rare in this day and age though.

But I'd rather keep looking than just give up, or leave it to just chance alone. It's nice when things happen on their own, but sometimes, if you really want something, you have to go out and get it. It isn't like someone is going to hand me a perfect relationship on a silver platter. Life doesn't work that way. Relationships don't happen like they do in fairy tales and the movies. It is much more complex, and is rather imperfect. But it's a matter of how a couple gets over setbacks that proves the strength of their love. Anything that is worth it in life is difficult to obtain, and the brick walls are there to challenge you, whether or not you truly want to achieve your dreams, including dreams of love.
 

21%

You have a choice!
Joined
May 15, 2009
Messages
3,224
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
The question is a bit ambiguous. If 'finding' means actively seeking, then no. But, yes, my relationship is extremely important for me and I have every intention to make it 'perfect'. :blush:

I have some other questions; does it bother you if someone is not very quick to open up with their feelings and emotions? or are you extremely comfortable with this, because it means you don`t have the burden of doing the same? Finally, where on your list, if there was one, where would having the perfect relationship be at?
I don't mind people who aren't very quick to open up their feelings, as long as they will open up eventually. I tend to unconsciously reflect their level of sharing. I'll lead a little bit to see if they follow, and if not, I'll stop sharing until they share more.

As for priorities, being happy with loved ones is my first (includes family and SO). Realizing my dream of creating something worthwhile comes next, but when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter.
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
No, I don't think it was ever #1 in my priorities, as I always had this notion that I 'should' be able to find centeredness/balance/happiness on my own, without a need for someone else. I also think my #1 priority was/is in the end Balance on all levels, and a close romantic relationship is one element of many that I always wanted to work on. It alone wasn't going to bring me happiness, as there were many other elements/pieces which were also required, and for me to fall into the mistaken notion of thinking the 'perfect' person would make me utterly happy would be setting myself up for disappointment / a harsh reality slap when I realized that wasn't everything. (fwiw I think if we're gonna stick with personality theories to discuss this topic, enneagram is going to be just as impactful/differentiating as mbti).

That said, I always was/am desirous of very meaningful 'connections', and my feeling I'm lacking in those makes me very unhappy and I start thinking something is wrong with me. I've definitely had a number of 'phases' over the past 15 years where I felt intensely lonely, and that's when I would become more preoccupied with trying to meet people, etc. So I *absolutely* need a few really solid friendships/relationships, and if I have even a few, I am happy.

And I've also historically always wanted a partner, so would put myself in situations (internet dating) to try to maximize meeting someone. Most of the time that didn't work and nothing came of it, but I'm now in a 1.5 yr relationship and am very very happy. So maybe everything I just wrote above is total intellectualization and in the end I DO really 'need' that relationship with someone I really care for to feel whole and human. But then I think to myself... this is probably such a human thing. We just play little mental games thinking we don't need/want something, or trying to convince ourselves we don't, when in reality we do. I do, at least. :)

I don't think it ever drove me, though.... seeing as I have always chosen loneliness /independence over being with just anyone, and have had multi-year stretches of not being in relationships, simply because I never really met anyone where mutual feelings existed/ they were who I could see myself with for the longterm. The fact that this bothered me, though... well, maybe that's what's really telling, and the answer.

(age 33)
 
Top