User Tag List

View Poll Results: do you consider finding the perfect relationship #1 of your priorities?

17. You may not vote on this poll
  • ages 18-25 "yes"

    4 23.53%
  • ages 18-25 "no"

    6 35.29%
  • ages 26-29 "yes"

    3 17.65%
  • ages 26-29 "no"

    1 5.88%
  • ages 30-36 "yes"

    0 0%
  • ages 30-36 "no"

    1 5.88%
  • ages 37 and up "yes"

    1 5.88%
  • ages 37 and up "no"

    1 5.88%
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 13 of 13

Thread: INFJ: Do you consider finding the perfect relationship #1 of your priorities?

  1. #11
    From the Undertow Array CuriousFeeling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    4w5 sp/sx


    I'm in my mid 20s. Finding a relationship is a priority of mine considering I desire to settle down and have a family one day. But in the real world, a perfect relationship doesn't exist. You have to work towards keeping a relationship together. Both people in a couple have to be able to support each other, emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually, intellectually. Coming across this is rare in this day and age though.

    But I'd rather keep looking than just give up, or leave it to just chance alone. It's nice when things happen on their own, but sometimes, if you really want something, you have to go out and get it. It isn't like someone is going to hand me a perfect relationship on a silver platter. Life doesn't work that way. Relationships don't happen like they do in fairy tales and the movies. It is much more complex, and is rather imperfect. But it's a matter of how a couple gets over setbacks that proves the strength of their love. Anything that is worth it in life is difficult to obtain, and the brick walls are there to challenge you, whether or not you truly want to achieve your dreams, including dreams of love.


    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche

  2. #12
    You have a choice! Array 21%'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009


    The question is a bit ambiguous. If 'finding' means actively seeking, then no. But, yes, my relationship is extremely important for me and I have every intention to make it 'perfect'.

    Quote Originally Posted by yakimadude View Post
    I have some other questions; does it bother you if someone is not very quick to open up with their feelings and emotions? or are you extremely comfortable with this, because it means you don`t have the burden of doing the same? Finally, where on your list, if there was one, where would having the perfect relationship be at?
    I don't mind people who aren't very quick to open up their feelings, as long as they will open up eventually. I tend to unconsciously reflect their level of sharing. I'll lead a little bit to see if they follow, and if not, I'll stop sharing until they share more.

    As for priorities, being happy with loved ones is my first (includes family and SO). Realizing my dream of creating something worthwhile comes next, but when it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  3. #13
    4x9 Array cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    4 so/sp


    No, I don't think it was ever #1 in my priorities, as I always had this notion that I 'should' be able to find centeredness/balance/happiness on my own, without a need for someone else. I also think my #1 priority was/is in the end Balance on all levels, and a close romantic relationship is one element of many that I always wanted to work on. It alone wasn't going to bring me happiness, as there were many other elements/pieces which were also required, and for me to fall into the mistaken notion of thinking the 'perfect' person would make me utterly happy would be setting myself up for disappointment / a harsh reality slap when I realized that wasn't everything. (fwiw I think if we're gonna stick with personality theories to discuss this topic, enneagram is going to be just as impactful/differentiating as mbti).

    That said, I always was/am desirous of very meaningful 'connections', and my feeling I'm lacking in those makes me very unhappy and I start thinking something is wrong with me. I've definitely had a number of 'phases' over the past 15 years where I felt intensely lonely, and that's when I would become more preoccupied with trying to meet people, etc. So I *absolutely* need a few really solid friendships/relationships, and if I have even a few, I am happy.

    And I've also historically always wanted a partner, so would put myself in situations (internet dating) to try to maximize meeting someone. Most of the time that didn't work and nothing came of it, but I'm now in a 1.5 yr relationship and am very very happy. So maybe everything I just wrote above is total intellectualization and in the end I DO really 'need' that relationship with someone I really care for to feel whole and human. But then I think to myself... this is probably such a human thing. We just play little mental games thinking we don't need/want something, or trying to convince ourselves we don't, when in reality we do. I do, at least.

    I don't think it ever drove me, though.... seeing as I have always chosen loneliness /independence over being with just anyone, and have had multi-year stretches of not being in relationships, simply because I never really met anyone where mutual feelings existed/ they were who I could see myself with for the longterm. The fact that this bothered me, though... well, maybe that's what's really telling, and the answer.

    (age 33)
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] INTJ: Do you consider finding the perfect relationship #1 of your priorities?
    By gasoline in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 12-19-2011, 04:15 PM
  2. What do you nominate as the best rock song of the 90's?
    By swordpath in forum Arts & Entertainment
    Replies: 56
    Last Post: 10-10-2010, 08:05 AM
  3. [INFJ] INFJs: Do you find working with people draining?
    By sharons in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 02-23-2008, 12:04 AM
  4. Question: Where do you all find the time?
    By Nonpareil in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 08-18-2007, 06:37 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts