• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFJ] A INFJ relationship question...

blueblood

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
1
MBTI Type
INFJ
First off I'm not a psych major and some of this stuff is pretty new to me. A psych major friend of mine gave me a personality test years ago and told me I was INFJ. A few years ago when I was given a psych exam for a job I was again told I was INFJ. I took another test this last week and guess what...I'm a INFJ (male if you were wondering).

My girlfriend (who is a psych major) is a ISFJ. I love her, but her personality can drive me up the wall. I don't know if there is any kind of compatability thing out there but I was curious what people's thoughts were on this. Can a INFJ get along with a ISFJ? Can two INFJ's work? Just curious.
 

Motor Jax

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
104
MBTI Type
INFJ
well, i know this ISTJ guy though

imma INFJ male too, but my girl is ESTP
 
B

ByMySword

Guest
First off I'm not a psych major and some of this stuff is pretty new to me. A psych major friend of mine gave me a personality test years ago and told me I was INFJ. A few years ago when I was given a psych exam for a job I was again told I was INFJ. I took another test this last week and guess what...I'm a INFJ (male if you were wondering).

My girlfriend (who is a psych major) is a ISFJ. I love her, but her personality can drive me up the wall. I don't know if there is any kind of compatability thing out there but I was curious what people's thoughts were on this. Can a INFJ get along with a ISFJ? Can two INFJ's work? Just curious.

An INFJ is very versatile when it comes to matching. My dad's an ISFJ and we have a great relationship. I mean, its obviosly different than a romantic one with a female, but it shows they can get along.

I would say that the best matching types for an INFJ are as follows:

ENTPs
ESTPs
ENFPs
INTJs
INFJs ;)
ISFJs

This is just from what I've experienced and from what I've read.
 

Geoff

Lallygag Moderator
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
Messages
5,584
MBTI Type
INXP
First off I'm not a psych major and some of this stuff is pretty new to me. A psych major friend of mine gave me a personality test years ago and told me I was INFJ. A few years ago when I was given a psych exam for a job I was again told I was INFJ. I took another test this last week and guess what...I'm a INFJ (male if you were wondering).

My girlfriend (who is a psych major) is a ISFJ. I love her, but her personality can drive me up the wall. I don't know if there is any kind of compatability thing out there but I was curious what people's thoughts were on this. Can a INFJ get along with a ISFJ? Can two INFJ's work? Just curious.

Hmm. You would both have external feelings as a surface extraverted function (Fe). Internally there would be a disconnect.. you would be using your feelings to feed your intuition, and she would be using it to feel her sensory world. So I doubt on the inside you have much in common!

On the other hand, with you both having extraverted feelings I suspect it's quite a fiery and/or emotional relationship!
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
I have a pretty good relationship with my ISFJ sister-in-law. We have kind of a mutual admiration thing. She has really flexed in order to be friends with me because I am pretty quirky and unconventional. I've had to learn to sort of translate, make it clear that I think the way she does things is great even when it's different from how I do them, and basically accept her terms for our relationship. I have a lot more flex than she does, in part because I have a really low-maintenance husband and she's married to my high-maintenance (but wonderful) brother.

If we had to be a team irl, she would be the boss because she is a delegating wizz and I don't mind being bossed if I'm handled right (asked nicely and appreciated). I would be her sounding board/troubleshooter.

For years, I thought my sister-in-law was a judgmental, anal control freak and she thought I was lazy, uncaring, and possibly stuck-up. My mom sort of kept that impression of one another going. I'm not saying we still don't see each other that way a little, but it's only part of a much bigger picture and as a loved one's foibles. If we lived together, though, I'm guessing those are the things that would get to us about each other.
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,741
MBTI Type
INfj
I really think there's a great deal more involved in a relationship than is accounted for by MBTI types. If you look at types of married couples you'll see that INFJs get paired with pretty much every single type under the sun.

However INFJs shared many similar traits with ISFJ. The desire for harmony and wanting the world to be a better place for one. I've never been in a relationship with ISFJ or INFJ... but I can tell you in a friendship, INFJ-INFJ is rather comforting. As to my ISFJ friends, sometimes we have clashes of view (probably due to Ni vs Si) but overall it's not bad in my opinion.
 

OctaviaCaesar

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2007
Messages
211
MBTI Type
INFJ
I am in a happy relationship with an ISFP. I have a special relationship with my ISFJ grandmother, and these two Sensors in my life relate to me very well and vice versa. Your relationship will work if you make it work, I guess, and don't fret over personality type compatibility too much.

That said...I met someone who I thought was a male INFJ once and I would never NEVER have been able to date him: he was a mirror image of me yet I defensively thought of him like a complete weirdo. I wonder what two INFJs together is like...but I might not really want to know, actually! :D
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Oh, yeah, I don't think I'd work with another INFJ, either. Like me, but not too like me is just right.
 

halfaninstant

New member
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
29
MBTI Type
INFP
my girlfriend of almost 7 years is ISFJ. it is challenging, but i find our relationship to be perfect for me. Of course it took a lot of work - i think you need to get the love going long before the understanding sets in. But once you do, its easier for you can get them to open up... to try and understand you. having that, you'll be surprised at the things you learn from her due to her unique perspective.

for instance, i've always thought that everyone would want to improve themselves... but she mentioned that it often hurts to because you must first see yourself and all your flaws before you can change them. Love my gf.. so enlightening. :):heart:

Its so natural to see my own flaws that its nearly impossible to avoid... i forget people do, and i can perfectly understand why. Its not an easy road to take... why take it when you can find happiness in not knowing... or caring?

anyway, understanding comes easier after love! don't expect too much too fast.. its a long road.
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
3,960
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I wuv INTJ's and ISTJ's
IxFP's are cool too
 
Last edited:

Enkidu

New member
Joined
May 10, 2008
Messages
2
MBTI Type
intp
Haven't you heard? Doomed to a life of lonely singlehood.


Actually i have heard, but i just won't believe it. I keep thinking that there MUST be some interesting person with whom my life is meant to be shared. Even though nothing seems to support this the most idealistic of theories, i do my best to prove it´s correctness.
Lately i´ve been watching an INFJ girl who works in a bookshop. While i already have asked her out(which unfortunately wasn't possible that day because she had other plans) i´m now trying another "connection" method. A long handwritten mail has been sent to her wherein my thoughts of our possibilities are explained.. Isn´t this just ingeniously romantic in a time of digitalized an impersonalized communications ?:party2:
At this time two days has passed since the mail(containing my msn adress -maybe she doesn't have internet?) was sent and i´m just so excited for the possible response.
While i´m waiting to read her love devotions the stereo is playing happy songs. Anyone heard the song of Elvis called Return to sender? I´m getting to know the lyrics by now.

:happy0065:
 

Hotherym

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2007
Messages
83
MBTI Type
INFU
I think I'm the odd one out when it comes to being 'romantically' compatible with Sensates, introverted or otherwise. As friends, no problem; I have one friend ISTP who I adore and is oddly like me (I have well-developed Ti and Se). I would also be very unlikely to be compatible with another INFJ. My Ni tells me this. :D

I'm picky. :(

INFPs are challenging but I find my INFP 'soul mate' complements my cold Ti + Ni combination by bringing me back from the edge of existential crisis and back to the world of subjective feeling and love.

INTPs would be great, except they can't do what my INFP can do for me and the relationship ends up spiraling into a dark pit of objectivity.

ENFPs are sweet and airy, but too flighty for me (I know this from my aunt and few I've known).

ENTPs are like uncontrolled INTPs (my brother is this).

INFJs are awesome friends to relate to, but we end up disagreeing in the same stubborn way on so many things (my 15 year long childhood friendship with an INFJ has been very dramatic repeatedly for that reason).

INTJs, jesus...they can be good friends but most of them end up hating me before they can get to the point of really knowing me -- the stubbornness of the INFJ with an evil Te twist. ;)

ENTJs -- I believe that's what my aunt is, though she puts on an ESTJ look. We haven't talked in a long time. She'd be good at a boot camp if she got any angrier.

ENFJs, well... if I've ever met one, I don't know who it was. This is where I draw a blank.

I love ISTPs as friends, but ISFPs usually don't make the cut (sorry, ISFPs, nothing too personal). ESTPs are alright, but somehow ESFPs drive me batshit. SJs...forget it on most accounts; I've never gotten along with one beyond keeping the peace as a co-worker.

For me, real attraction (and this is automatic for me on first meeting, whether or not they know their MBTI) seems only possible with INFPs and INTPs. Talk about narrowing it down. :D
 

Sarcasticus

Circus Maximus
Joined
May 3, 2008
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
Lately i´ve been watching an INFJ girl who works in a bookshop. While i already have asked her out(which unfortunately wasn't possible that day because she had other plans) i´m now trying another "connection" method. A long handwritten mail has been sent to her wherein my thoughts of our possibilities are explained.. Isn´t this just ingeniously romantic in a time of digitalized an impersonalized communications ?

Seems like a good approach. Most of the INFJ girls I know prefer to communicate in writing rather than face-to-face as it gives them time to work out their thoughts. Hope it works out :)
 
Last edited:

Sarcasticus

Circus Maximus
Joined
May 3, 2008
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
I'm picky. :(

INFPs are challenging but I find my INFP 'soul mate' complements my cold Ti + Ni combination by bringing me back from the edge of existential crisis and back to the world of subjective feeling and love.

INTPs would be great, except they can't do what my INFP can do for me and the relationship ends up spiraling into a dark pit of objectivity.

Interesting... could you elaborate? Are you simply saying INTPs are not good at providing support (i.e., the classic situation of trying to "fix the problem" instead of simply listening and providing a shoulder to lean on)?
 

Hotherym

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2007
Messages
83
MBTI Type
INFU
Interesting... could you elaborate? Are you simply saying INTPs are not good at providing support (i.e., the classic situation of trying to "fix the problem" instead of simply listening and providing a shoulder to lean on)?

Oh, INTPs can be great support, but it's more the logical, 'smart' kind. That's why I love them as friends, especially. But intuitive feelers like my INFP help balance out my cold, loveless rational problems with warm, subjective input, which, for me, creates a balance that is unachievable with the INTPs I've known, even if I may not like it and it occasionally pisses me off.

For instance, while my interest is to always seek out more objective information about something, my INFP keeps me from straying too far into an abyss of existential crisis by tethering me with candy drops and a goal of love. He's very sly about it, too. He knows how to feed my Fe.
 

Sarcasticus

Circus Maximus
Joined
May 3, 2008
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
Oh, INTPs can be great support, but it's more the logical, 'smart' kind. That's why I love them as friends, especially. But intuitive feelers like my INFP help balance out my cold, loveless rational problems with warm, subjective input, which, for me, creates a balance that is unachievable with the INTPs I've known, even if I may not like it and it occasionally pisses me off.

For instance, while my interest is to always seek out more objective information about something, my INFP keeps me from straying too far into an abyss of existential crisis by tethering me with candy drops and a goal of love. He's very sly about it, too. He knows how to feed my Fe.

So he gives direct, practical advice, that is, "tells it to you like it is" (subjective) rather than trying to analyze things (objective)? But in a loving way?
 
Top