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[INFJ] A INFJ relationship question...

Hotherym

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2007
Messages
83
MBTI Type
INFU
So he gives direct, practical advice, that is, "tells it to you like it is" (subjective) rather than trying to analyze things (objective)? But in a loving way?

He's a lot more airy than practical (his practical advice is well-meant but often waffling), but in some areas he has grave difficulty being analytical since he gets 'blinded' (he gets angry when I say that) by his own subjective feelings. He over-analyzes some things in some way that's totally alien to me in a lot of respects--it's all turned inward and passed by his feeling, so it ends up going in a circle (I believe that's how it works, anyway). Our thinking styles are actually a point of contention, though.

But really, it's a good match since I can keep him grounded with the objective and he can 'lift me' with his subjective. Furthermore, he can 'get me in the mood' faster than the INTP I was with, just by utilizing his cuddly romanticism and intense foreplay, while I can make the whole sex experience more spontaneous and exciting by bringing attention to the little cerebral details and drawing out the whole thing as a huge 'spiritual awakening' for us both. I could never do that with the INTPs I've known, but there's no doubt they're fun for the experimental factor if they're not too withdrawn.

I've always had an annoying need to somehow totally connect to the person I'm being sexually intimate with, rather than just enjoying the physical. I have no idea if that's a typical NF thing or not, but it's one problem that arises with me and any NT, now that I mention it. My INFP goes in for the spiritual/connected/empathic loving pretty hardcore, if it doesn't cause his timid self to retreat.

He's probably going to want to kill me if he reads this.
 

Pseudonym_Alpha

New member
Joined
Sep 14, 2007
Messages
148
MBTI Type
INFJ
An INFJ is very versatile when it comes to matching. My dad's an ISFJ and we have a great relationship. I mean, its obviosly different than a romantic one with a female, but it shows they can get along.

I would say that the best matching types for an INFJ are as follows:

ENTPs
ESTPs
ENFPs
INTJs
INFJs ;)
ISFJs

This is just from what I've experienced and from what I've read.

Lol, I went out with an INTP for 8 months :D , sorry to prove your theory *slightly(and I stress that slightly)* wrong ;)

INTP's are good company for me in particular, to put it bluntly, I see their wealth of knowledge as a highly honourable trait :)
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
FWIW, I'm very happy with my INTP. I'm not sure how much of that is due to our types and how much is due to other factors, but for us, it's a very good match.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
As much as I love other "J"s, eventually I probably want to strangle them. No romantic feelings for them.

The hierarchy for INFJs is pretty much ENTP, ENFP, INFP, INTP, etc. but I've yet to meet ANY INFJ who complied with that. Most of the INFJs I know personally are in relationships with SFs and they seem happy that way. So it's your call really. Whatever floats your boat.
 

Sarcasticus

Circus Maximus
Joined
May 3, 2008
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
[...]
Furthermore, he can 'get me in the mood' faster than the INTP I was with, just by utilizing his cuddly romanticism and intense foreplay, while I can make the whole sex experience more spontaneous and exciting by bringing attention to the little cerebral details and drawing out the whole thing as a huge 'spiritual awakening' for us both. I could never do that with the INTPs I've known, but there's no doubt they're fun for the experimental factor if they're not too withdrawn.

I've always had an annoying need to somehow totally connect to the person I'm being sexually intimate with, rather than just enjoying the physical. I have no idea if that's a typical NF thing or not, but it's one problem that arises with me and any NT, now that I mention it. My INFP goes in for the spiritual/connected/empathic loving pretty hardcore, if it doesn't cause his timid self to retreat.

He's probably going to want to kill me if he reads this.

Well thanks for taking the risk ;) Interesting... I guess I was asking for more details because I identify more strongly with the description of your INFP above than I do with the INTPs you talked about. Maybe that's a mellowing that comes with age as an INTP, but I don't shy away from the empathic/emotional connection-- though I suppose I did in the past-- in fact it's something I require of any significant relationship.
 

mwv6r

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
208
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
The one ISFJ + INFJ pairing I've observed ended very badly. It was a male INFJ and female ISFJ, and he took her for granted and ended up cheating on her and leaving her for another woman, which was a shame because she's a good person and very devoted. But looking into my own dark side as an INFJ, I think that what makes that pairing difficult (at least sometimes) is that us introverted intuitives frequently crave those abstract theoretical conversations, which ISFJs have little interest in. We also tend to do a lot of fantasizing about extramarital relationships -- most INFJs wouldn't act on those, but someone who doesn't appreciate their partner/takes their partner for granted might. Also, I think many, though not all, INFJs are perhaps a little emotionally moody/needy/unstable, and we long for stabilizing relationships with people who can keep our moody side in check. I dated one SF (ESFP, I think), and I'm embarrassed looking back by how awful I was to him. Totally took him for granted, felt he was too much of a softie (I'm a softie myself but I like to be the softie in the relationship, lol). I've done much better in relationships with thinkers, particularly STs who seem straightforward and uncomplicated. Most of my friends are feelers, but in relationships I've found thinkers to have a more stabilizing influence on me. Who knows, I'm sure other INFJs will have different perspectives, that's just my two cents.
 

Antreus

New member
Joined
Mar 6, 2009
Messages
36
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4/2
First off I'm not a psych major and some of this stuff is pretty new to me. A psych major friend of mine gave me a personality test years ago and told me I was INFJ. A few years ago when I was given a psych exam for a job I was again told I was INFJ. I took another test this last week and guess what...I'm a INFJ (male if you were wondering).

My girlfriend (who is a psych major) is a ISFJ. I love her, but her personality can drive me up the wall. I don't know if there is any kind of compatability thing out there but I was curious what people's thoughts were on this. Can a INFJ get along with a ISFJ? Can two INFJ's work? Just curious.

One of my best friends is an ISFJ. We have a quiet understanding of things and he's very protective of me. We have similar humor and have similar ways of understanding. I'd say he's more cynical than I am and more staunch and subjective on his values. We have similar functions but we just operate in completely different planes. He questions peoples intentions a lot more heavily and cynically than I. He could be more objective in regards to his views but it seems like a chore as it doesn't seem to be his first priority. He handles reality a lot better I would say than I do, his interactions with people are less about rapport than respect. He will not be disrespected. He is usually very quiet when I voice my opinions, he lets me say what I want to say, usually he agrees with it all except one thing. I think he is a very humane individual and very caring. I respect him a lot.

I have a relationship with an ISTJ it isn't a very personal relationship. It always feels there is a tipping point. I baffle him a lot. We get along but I think that is simply personal understanding. In any normal circumstances we probably wouldn't have been as close of friends as we are now if not for circumstances that surround our lives. He feels very alien. His humor is usually crass and sardonic and I have a hard time understanding how he means by his humor. I can't be as open with him but I can easily put him at ease if he is dealing with something involving emotions. He questions a lot of things I say though. If I say something he will usually reply, " You can't say that because... , What your not considering is ... , and usually I have considered all those things I have just worked them backwards. He always needs evidence to claim and my jumping around like I do is an anomaly. When I affirm something I always need to defend my position, once I have done that, he knows I'm not full of it. He also says I tend over-ANAL-yze things. It is very much win-lose at times. He will always listen to what I have to say though and has helped to ground me when I am all over the place in feeling.
 

Winds of Thor

New member
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
1,842
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
well, i know this ISTJ guy though

imma INFJ male too, but my girl is ESTP

Your girl is an ESTP...I realize it's probably different for a guy, but have you ever had an ENTP girlfriend and if so, what comments would you point out? Good things, things needing improvement, stuff like that..

Thanks
A
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

failure to thrive
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
5,585
MBTI Type
INfj
Enneagram
451
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Most of my friends are feelers, but in relationships I've found thinkers to have a more stabilizing influence on me. Who knows, I'm sure other INFJs will have different perspectives, that's just my two cents.

i totally agree here. i think nearly all of my friends are feelers, but i am only attracted to T men (or F women).

for even deeper analysis, since i have a wonderful soul mate in my 'intj' husband, i am usually attracted, more specifically, to istp guys, i think for their ability to get past my depth and philosophical nature, which keeps things centered and fun without having to expend tons of time and energy on discussing the meaning of life. and they keep me from getting too close to that existential abyss (i love the way you described that mwv6r! exactly!) just by not putting up with that bullshit.

however, i realize for me, if an 'istp' guy ever became more than a sometimes-lover or crush, it probably wouldn't last, unless it stayed in the 'secondary' relationship realm.

one of my best girlfriends is an 'isfj' and we get on fabulously, kinda like sisters. she's always there for me and we have come to accept each other how we are.....but, i find overall she is not really deep enough for me most of the time, although we can have snippets of deep conversation. and she prefers more sensate and active pastimes (watching tv or going to hear music) which tend to wear me out, and oftentimes seem meaningless. i don't think i could be in a romantic relationship with one.
 

maliafee

Active member
Joined
Feb 10, 2009
Messages
1,127
ISFPs aren't half bad actually...

In fact they aren't bad at all.

I get along great with them. My INFJ mom and I fought a lot growing up (maybe because I hate being told what to do?) but now we have a really good relationship.

Now my best friend is INFJ and my card playing buddy is also INFJ. Another childhood best friend (no longer friends due to religious separation) was also INFJ.

I love them! I think INFJs would enjoy an ISFP partner and vice versa, in most regards.
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
3,960
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
the thing seems to be ISxPs and ENxPs for INJs
 
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