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[NF] Hate compliments?

mippus

you are right
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Recently I've been quite bothered by the volume of compliments I've received in regard to my looks (IRL). I usually keep to myself, taking online classes, going to places by myself, but now that I've begun working, I'm around people 1/3 of my life. When you receive so many compliments from people that think they're being nice (take people I work with for example), it sort of makes me feel invisible. Cry me a river, right, but it's sort of like prplchknz's thread about celebrity -- people are praising you for something you aren't even responsible for, something that isn't a representation of the youest you, and it gets very suffocating, because they associate something as simple as an impression with qualities and traits that do not belong to you. Even if they are "good" qualities, it's a little offensive, because you're seeing some idealised version of me, not me.

/endrant. offtowork.

And how do you respond to such compliments?
(great to see this fairly old thread revived, weird to see posts from people long gone...)
 

Nocapszy

no clinkz 'til brooklyn
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It's not an NF thing.
I hate compliments.

They're stupid.
In the first place, a compliment only comes from people who don't really understand what they're seeing.
I know that because if they did, they wouldn't be that impressed.
So their assessment of my worth is actually possibly, and probably faulty.

In the second place, who the fuck are they to impose such judgement as to deem me good?
I don't recall appealing to them to tell me my worth.
If I am/something I did is good, trust me; I'll know before you do.
 

Simplexity

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Nocapszy you're so stunningly intelligent. You even have the foresight to know how others will judge you. Pure brilliance!!
 

mippus

you are right
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It's not an NF thing.
I hate compliments.

They're stupid.
In the first place, a compliment only comes from people who don't really understand what they're seeing.
I know that because if they did, they wouldn't be that impressed.
So their assessment of my worth is actually possibly, and probably faulty.

In the second place, who the fuck are they to impose such judgement as to deem me good?
I don't recall appealing to them to tell me my worth.
If I am/something I did is good, trust me; I'll know before you do.

Would you see feedback in general as something worthless then?
 

Salomé

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It's not an NF thing.
I hate compliments.

They're stupid.
In the first place, a compliment only comes from people who don't really understand what they're seeing.
I know that because if they did, they wouldn't be that impressed.
So their assessment of my worth is actually possibly, and probably faulty.

In the second place, who the fuck are they to impose such judgement as to deem me good?
I don't recall appealing to them to tell me my worth.
If I am/something I did is good, trust me; I'll know before you do.

That's such a pompous ass response.

I find myself agreeing wholeheartedly.
 

Nocapszy

no clinkz 'til brooklyn
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Nocapszy you're so stunningly intelligent. You even have the foresight to know how others will judge you. Pure brilliance!!
Can you do me a favor?
Go fall in a well.

Would you see feedback in general as something worthless then?
Well pretty much...
Except by like an expert in a field, yeah.

That's such a pompous ass response.

I find myself agreeing wholeheartedly.
I don't care.
 

ajblaise

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Yeah, I'm fine with compliments. Out of all the things to hate out there, how can someone really have a bone to pick with compliments?
 

Salomé

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Yeah, I'm fine with compliments. Out of all the things to hate out there, how can someone really have a bone to pick with compliments?

You need to brush up on your self-hate. Nocaps is giving lessons . . .
 

Nocapszy

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people are praising you for something you aren't even responsible for
Indeed?
Am I to understand that you make absolutely no attempt to enhance your appearance; not in the way of make-up, clothes etc?

Perhaps we ought only to compliment those who've undergone plastic surgery -- the ones who worked their asses off (or rather those who didn't...) to make enough money so they could afford it.

something that isn't a representation of the youest you
Seems to me that the youest you is the you that you can't change. The natural you.
Well except by surgery...
I covered that already.
 

Giggly

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I usually assume (maybe stupidly?) that people mean well and I usually blush. :blush:
 

tenINsFJ

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I don't hate them unless they are meant to hurt me. They do make me uncomfortable sometimes because I don't always know how to respond to them.

You said it perfectly, Cafe.
 

iwakar

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Hate? No.

But like a moth to a flame...
 

lane777

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I appreciate compliments, especially since I'm so curious as to how others perceive me. (Negative comments are welcome as well, so they can sketch out an accurate portrayal.)
 

Nat

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I love sincere compliments, but I tend to shrug it off so I doubt people know how much it means to hear it.
 

LindseyLadybug

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I love sincere compliments too! If it's someone who knows me intimately, it means a lot because they know all my flaws. I prefer compliments on my character rather than my looks or something superficial. It is awkward to have someone compliment me if I'm not expecting it. I'll usually be like, "Really? Aw, thank you! That makes me feel good." (and then hug them if I'm comfortable with them). I prefer compliments in letters. If I receive a letter that is sincere and from the heart, I melt. It probably has something to do with my type being better communicating through writing. Plus, I can have something tangible to remind me that that person loves me. I can keep the letter and "experience" it over and over. I don't know if that makes sense or not.
 

Kasper

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Real, unsolicited compliments from those who give them sparingly can be meaningful. My actions are not done with recognition as an aim so unless it is legit I prolly don’t want to hear it.
 

am_i_evil666

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I love compliments. Of course, sincere compliments. They make me feel good, especially when I somedays think that my work is not very good or that I don't look to good that day (when I'm tired or stressed). So, if someone gives me a compliment on such a day, it makes me feel much better. And it's really sweet if it's sincere.
 

BlueScreen

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I appreciate compliments, especially since I'm so curious as to how others perceive me. (Negative comments are welcome as well, so they can sketch out an accurate portrayal.)

Yeh same. I'm a sucker for feedback; good or bad.

Complements are great when they are honest and sincere. When they are said to be nice they are also okay, because the intention counts. When they are said to take advantage of me, how I take them depends on whether I am attracted to you ;).

Isn't a compliment always a positive?
 
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