Does anyone else have a problem killing bugs?
It's a spider living in the corner of my shower that makes me ask this question. I think it might be a brown recluse, but there's no way in hell I'm getting my face close enough to look for the pattern.
Plus, if it's not a brown recluse, then it's possibly a spider that kills other undesirable creatures like millipedes and the really fuzzy caterpillars (the nasty ones that I think are poisonous), or even actual brown recluses, so I might be contributing to my brown recluse problem by killing the spider for potentially being a brown recluse.
There's also moral implications to killing a spider without just cause. First of all, I can't condone the indiscriminate killing of creatures based on them possibly being dangerous, and I also can't condone genocide. Second, what does it say about me as a person that I'd kill a creature who's trying to stay out of the way? So far it's stayed in the corner, and curls up into a little ball when I start the water. I smack water at it, and it scrambles up the web, but I feel bad even about that.
I feel like nothing good comes out of killing this spider.
But it might be a brown recluse, and one day I might get in and turn the water on, and it might be on the nozzle and bite my finger. Then my finger will rot off.
It also might be pregnant, because it looks like the abdomen is getting bigger. On the one hand, I can't kill a pregnant creature. But on the other, I'm about to have my problem multiply by the size of the hatch litter, and then it's a runaway train from there.
I could kill it, I guess, but I still feel bad about the cricket I killed a few years ago. It was driving me crazy. It chirped all day and all night for three days, and I was very close to tearing out my wall to kill it. Then I found it hiding up inside the blinds, and I slowly cut it's head off with a steak knife.
Then, after the bloodlust had passed, I cried. I gave it a proper burial.
Does anyone else have these problems?