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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Default Dislike "mixing" friends.

    I tend to have friends that are very different from one another and when we have a get-together/party, I find myself wanting to have a "homogenous" group of people. Somehow it stresses me to think of getting different types of people together. Other people I know will have a party and just invite everyone.

    Why is this? I was thinking that it might be because I act like a very different person with different groups of people, and having them together would be confusing, because I wouldn't know which one of me to be. It's not that I don't try to be myself - I am always myself. It's just that I respond to people differently.

  2. #2
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I'm exactly the same way! I find it hard mixing family and friends too. But that might have to do with the different level of intimacy.
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  3. #3
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Me too. For one pessimistic/pragmatic reason if all goes hell in a hand basket that there is another group you can rely on. Another reason is I like to act different around different groups of people and its different to stay in character with comingling friends and associates.
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

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  4. #4
    Senior Member captain curmudgeon's Avatar
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    I rarely end up at friends' planned get-togethers and never plan them myself, but I could imagine the awkwardness. The question is whether or not my apprehensiveness or curiosity would win...I'd say its a draw.

  5. #5
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    I've had similar struggles. Ended up throwing a party where some people would up smoking pot and some Christian friends wondered whether they should call the cops. Everyone who had various things in common tended to stick to their little groups anyway, so everything worked out. So on and so forth with other similar stories.

    Getting lots of people together without knowing what they have in common can be pretty nerve-wracking. Structuring a party around a common interest or ideal helps. It's easier if, say, everyone is coming out to salsa dance, play games, discuss personal growth, etc.

    The people who throw parties and invite everyone probably don't overanalyze it like we do.

    Fortunately, most of us are at least somewhat different around different sorts of people, as different aspects of our personalities come out in different situations. I think most people recognize all of this--for example, my religious views don't readily come out during a dance party.

    As a corollary to that, the people you know from various groups have aspects of their personalities than you've probably seen. People have more in common with one another than they think they do; if potential conflict is a worry, it's just a matter of helping them figure out exactly what the common points of interest are--or just allowing them to surface.

  6. #6
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    Almost all of my close friends have never met each other, as they all came from different parts of my life. Each of them primarily interacts with some unique aspect of my personality; I have a movie friend, an adventuring/thrill-seeking friend, a philosophical friend, an intelligent/like-humored friend, an artsy friend, etc. Often, when I want to discuss deep matters of the heart, there's only one friend I can go to for a great conversation. If I'm on a mission to ride a rollercoaster while drunk, there's only one friend who'd likely be willing to share that experience. If I want to watch a movie and then analyze it over a drink, there's another friend for that. It's strange, because my friends are like pieces of myself, scattered all over the country - but if I were to have a party and invite all of them, I feel that the majority would dislike each other. They are very different people.

    I've read somewhere that having circles of mutual friends actually helps sustain relationships and reinforce communication, keeping those bonds alive. My experience has actually been that drama flares up more frequently in such groups, especially all-female ones. I prefer one-on-one interaction anyway, so I'm quite content to let my friends live their own, very separate lives.
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