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  1. #1
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    Default Turn it around with an SF?

    Hey all. I somehow end up dating SFs quite a bit and a recent problem with one xSFP got me thinking. This last one I think thinks im clingy. She was having a tough time with life and I was trying to be there for her and help her out. Looking back I can see how it would come off as "clingy" or "needy" and im actually kind of angry about it because thats just not me. Any way to turn this type of interaction around? When a female sees a guy in a certain way is there a way to undo that?

  2. #2
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    I'm not sure if you're asking the question because you want to continue dating the mentioned girl or if it's just for future reference. I'm guessing you're an NF since your posting on this forum. Though I can't personally judge how accurate this website is, this could be potentially useful: (From (NF)Empathist & (SP)Realist)

    " Life with the REALIST may be a totally draining experience for the EMPATHIST. The REALIST simply has no understanding of the EMPATHIST's needs for connection, harmony, appreciation and attention, and without intending to do so the REALIST may continually tread on the EMPATHIST's tender feelings.
    The EMPATHIST may give the REALIST a feeling of a straitjacket or a noose around the neck: cramping, stifling, suffocating, inhibiting movement and freedom.
    Day in and day out, the EMPATHIST may complain of hurt feelings and criticize the REALIST for lacking sensitivity, especially if the REALIST is a thinker-type. The REALIST usually will try to ignore the criticism for as long as possible. Then the REALIST may simply leave. Conflict is wearing and draining to REALISTs, and given a chance they'll avoid it at all costs."
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Enneagram 4w5 social

  3. #3
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by lookoutbelow84093 View Post
    When a female sees a guy in a certain way is there a way to undo that?
    Find someone else who appreciates how emotionally avaliable you are.

  4. #4
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    Yeah would love to salvage ths one but seems beyond repair to me. More for future reference.

  5. #5
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    Oops and sorry im an INFP

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by lookoutbelow84093 View Post
    Yeah would love to salvage ths one but seems beyond repair to me. More for future reference.
    It just sounds like you would have to supress so much to continue on.

    I married an INFJ and dating was great, so much emotional closeness and being able to be as "clingy" as I wanted to be without being made to feel there was anything wrong with it and that the other person actually wanted that much closeness! Yet at times he can be too emotionally distant for me when he is under stress in recent years.

    So I cannot imagine how something like that works out when the person starts out being too distant from the get go. I just think better to strike as close as possible to what your ideal is while dating and then will weather life's unexpected daggers a lot better.

  7. #7
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Why would someone think you're needy if you're actually not needy?

  8. #8
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    I dislike the terms "clingy" and "needy" because they're really quite invalidating. "Distant" is also bad. They are relative terms, of course, but they invalidate genuine needs for emotional availability (in the case of "clingy") and space (in the case of "distant"). A person's needs shouldn't be a problem in a healthy relationship. The problem is, these things are so rarely addressed before they come irreparable. It's a pity that we have to learn from our mistakes... but I think that it would be better if the mistake were recognized as a mistake in communication and reciprocating one another's needs rather than a deficiency in ourselves.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Why would someone think you're needy if you're actually not needy?
    Because they desire a different level of emotional interaction?

    We have a ESTJ-ISTJ couple in our family who are always telling me and my husband that we are "unhealthily" bonded and spend too much time together!

  10. #10
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    Honestly im angry because I think it was just a lack of experience/understanding in my most recent relationship. I could see she was struggling with school and I wanted to be there for her. I thought SHE needed more attention so I tried to give it and that is what pushed her away... Thats why I think she sees me as "clingy." So seems as if there is some debate thought whether NFPs and SFPs can have a good relationship.

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