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  1. #1
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    Default Is it normal to have two sides?

    You know, in most places I am a rather quiet person and always a bit shy and nervous around people, especially when I don't know them. I have trouble opening up and not initiating conversations or so usually. Here in this forum I admit I am mostly similar to that as well, although I have no trouble talking relatively freely about me here.

    But I have also another side to show in few other situations. With my old school friends, I liked to talk more, and often I am in a quite funny mood. In comparison to some of my also very introverted friends, I was less reluctant about parties and so on; although I don't really like them a lot, I didn't totally avoid them either.

    With some of my internet friends I am actually extremely outgoing and quirky, and when I tell them that I am a very shy person in real life they are really surprised.

    Now, in school lessons I was always very passive, I never wanted to talk in class. Well, sometimes I had to because the teachers just took me anyway (because I had the image in our school that I never talk in class, although I obviously was not the only one), and at the end of my school time I didn't even feel very uncomfortable with it, and I had no trouble with my oral exam at end of school (actually I did extremely well). When working in groups at school, I was also rather quiet, I figured my opinion is not asked for anyway and did mostly only my part and rarely gave my opinion into things.

    At university those opposites come now even closer together for me. When I can, I stay withdrawn. I didn't really make friends at university. Many students in the same major in same semester might never have noticed me. Now there are however some courses at university where you work in groups. Those groups were also filled with people who mostly would also rather stay withdrawn, and I noticed that those settings are when my other side comes out, because when no one would take the lead, not a lot would happen in group. I become very talkative, engage people in conversations, I try to keep up the mood, I help out people, I try to make sure that we get everything done. So basically the total opposite of what I usually do! However, I don't do it in a bossy or loud way (which I don't get well along with when other people do it) or so, I do it in a friendly calm way and it actually feels very natural to me, besides being not my usual interaction style at all. Right now in my group it became especially apparent to me.

    Now I am wondering what that does say about me. Is it normal to have two sides? Is it just a matter of how comfortable I feel with a situation or what people I am around with? Or do I just change over time a bit? Can maybe someone relate a bit?

    I knew a person in the past who was VERY outgoing and quirky when around more introverted people like me and my friends, but a bit more quiet when around other, more loud people or in class. She said that she is actually a shy person, which my more introverted friends thought was only a joke (just as I said how it is with my internet friends), but I somehow always felt back then already that there is actually more behind that statement.

  2. #2
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    I think it probably has more to do with the environment changing and you adapting to it, rather than you changing.

    I also have people act surprised and shocked when I tell them I'm an introvert--people who know me in a more intimate setting. Maybe that is how is was for you in high school. Those peers sort of become your family in some ways, because school is like a home away from home, as it's where kids spend a great amount of their time growing up. Accordingly, you get a niche you feel comfortable with and you become a bit more relaxed and gregarious.

    Then we go out in the big world and we are forced into some seclusion again. In the great disparity between being home and being with others (even co workers, because there isn't a lot of time at work to always cross those professional lines, and, anyway, do you really want to?) there can be such a wide gulf that feels strange to us (esp introverts), reinforcing our solitary confinement into ourselves. Which is probably why introverts invade forums in droves.


    I feel like we are at some in-between stage of nuclear family/local-mindedness and open family/pan-mindedness and are feeling that disparity in ourselves. The internet is filling that gap but not really well enough yet, because while we can interact here, it is devoid of real relationship depth. That we can still only get, unfortuantely, irl.
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  3. #3
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    I'm pretty sure everyone is different in different situations, yep. Not necessarily two sides, but many sides.
    -end of thread-

  4. #4
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    yes its normal to have multiple sides. it's abnormal to have just one
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #5
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Most people adapt to their environment, at least in some level, so we have different sides of ourself, in different environments with different people. I do think there are also less flexible people who are who their are no matter of the situation, most of time anyways.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I am just wondering about myself, why do I feel sometimes so very awkward around people and have trouble just starting a normal talk and then in the next situation it is suddenly becoming easy for me to just make things happen. Theoretically if I can do it with those people, I should be able to do it to some degree in other situations as well I guess? But I know I feel very differently then. Maybe it really just depends on the people I deal with.

  7. #7
    SingSmileShine
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    I have plenty of them.

    -edit later-

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    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Yes
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  9. #9
    Member Kraska's Avatar
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    People play differen roles in society, so behaving differentlly in different situations is something normal.

  10. #10
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    I am just wondering about myself, why do I feel sometimes so very awkward around people and have trouble just starting a normal talk and then in the next situation it is suddenly becoming easy for me to just make things happen. Theoretically if I can do it with those people, I should be able to do it to some degree in other situations as well I guess? But I know I feel very differently then. Maybe it really just depends on the people I deal with.
    i would think it has almost everything to do with the people and situation in question. honestly, sometimes, things are just awkward. i think a lot of times it has to do with finding common ground between one another and your "role" in the situation. like you said about school - you felt like you didn't need to give your opinion, where other times your opinion is clearly needed.

    are you feeling more concerned about the seeming split in your personality or how to improve communication across situations?

    if it's the latter, to be honest, i think a lot of it is just saying "here goes" and striking up conversation even if it feels bizarre and awkward.

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