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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Default ENFP and being judged/judging others

    I have an ENFP who is a great friend. I would say one of her only faults is that she is very judgmental of other people, and she also feels judged personally even if someone has an opinion that is not directly related to her. Is this a normal ENFP thing? Is there some way to state my opinions about things, while not making them seem like they are judgments about her?

  2. #2
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    I find that I am suspicious of things like ‘power’ and ‘privilege’ in others…and can be judgmental of groups that possess those things when I feel they are taken for granted or abused (if another’s power/privilege infringes on the rights of others). But I would never consider myself a person that is judgmental of individuals. In fact, I believe ENFPs are known for their acceptance of others…their desire to ‘live and let live’.

    I want to say that your friend is not the norm when it comes to ENFPs but perhaps I’m wrong. What kind of judgment are you talking about?

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    Intergalactic Badass mujigay's Avatar
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    ENFPs I know are far more likely to pratice reverse-judgementalism, I suppose. They will not tolerate those who judge things percieved to be out of the ordinary.
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  4. #4
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    I would say your friend has a low self-asteem no matter of her type. She might be protecting herself (being easily offended, judging herself easily).

  5. #5
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I find that I am suspicious of things like ‘power’ and ‘privilege’ in others…and can be judgmental of groups that possess those things when I feel they are taken for granted or abused (if another’s power/privilege infringes on the rights of others). But I would never consider myself a person that is judgmental of individuals. In fact, I believe ENFPs are known for their acceptance of others…their desire to ‘live and let live’.

    I want to say that your friend is not the norm when it comes to ENFPs but perhaps I’m wrong. What kind of judgment are you talking about?
    It's usually judgments about other parents - they aren't teaching their children to behave, they are letting their chidren be immoral, or things like - I suspect that person is cheating someone.

  6. #6
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Sounds a little bit like my friend who is probably ENFP. Could it be a sort of thinking aloud/tossing ideas around thing? It may not be a fixed opinion on the person.

    My friend is more likely to say harsh things about others than I am, and sometimes to fall out with people dramatically, but she also makes up with people and forgives them a lot more easily than I do. I'm less likely to say judgmental things about specific people (though I can be pretty judgmental about groups sometimes, I admit), or to be harsh, or to have dramatic arguments and fall out with them. However, IF I get to that stage, there is probably no turning back; ie. my bad opinion of the person is likely to stay bad, or I might never want them in my life again.

    My friend also takes things much more personally than I do - things which I would really just see as small and be inclined to let go. She can get very upset over a perceived slight which in many cases almost certainly had nothing to do with her at all. However, she also gets over those things fairly easily, in a lot of cases (though not all.)
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  7. #7
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    you'd think an ENFP 7w8 would be a pretty non-judgmental person, but under stress I am a judgmental little bitch. stress 1 + STJ shadow functions + Ne/Te loop topped off by wing 8 = potential for VERY judgmental person under stress.
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  8. #8
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    i have a tendency to judge people quickly.
    though it's based on just whatever i've
    observed thus far, so the judgments i pass
    aren't always correct.

    but when i see things and am sure of it, but
    not a lot/none of other people have seen it yet...
    they tend to think i'm being judgmental at first,
    but i have an endless supply of "i told you so's"
    (this is like... one of the biggest recurring themes
    in my life when interacting with others. )

    when i actually feel judged, it's mostly because
    i'm being denied something. like if someone
    blocks, or stops me based on their
    judgement/good intentions/whatever. it makes
    me feel very isolated and unsupported. especially
    if it's people that are close to me. it's because if
    i tell somebody about it, it's because i want to
    share it with somebody, not because i need
    a greenlight.

    and that's why i don't even understand why they try
    to stop me. it's not like they've ever managed to
    stop me from doing anything i wanted. ever.
    not even my parents when i was little. i'll always
    find a way around it. always.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mujigay View Post
    ENFPs I know are far more likely to pratice reverse-judgementalism, I suppose. They will not tolerate those who judge things percieved to be out of the ordinary.
    Yeah well prejudice against reverse judgementalism is just intolerant and wrong!
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  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I have an ENFP who is a great friend. I would say one of her only faults is that she is very judgmental of other people, and she also feels judged personally even if someone has an opinion that is not directly related to her. Is this a normal ENFP thing?
    Yes.

    On the first part: they are way more judgmental than they realize (see below).

    On the second: because Fi is so high, everything goes back to them, which is why they feel like they're being judged.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    Is there some way to state my opinions about things, while not making them seem like they are judgments about her?
    No.

    E(N)FPs think everything is about them.



    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I find that I am suspicious of things like ‘power’ and ‘privilege’ in others…and can be judgmental of groups that possess those things when I feel they are taken for granted or abused (if another’s power/privilege infringes on the rights of others). But I would never consider myself a person that is judgmental of individuals. In fact, I believe ENFPs are known for their acceptance of others…their desire to ‘live and let live’.

    I want to say that your friend is not the norm when it comes to ENFPs but perhaps I’m wrong. What kind of judgment are you talking about?
    You are probably a lot more judgmental than you realize.

    Not in the usual sense, but in an ENFP kinda way (kinda like you described).

    You won't think of it as being "judgmental", but it is, just in its own way.

    Quote Originally Posted by mujigay View Post
    ENFPs I know are far more likely to pratice reverse-judgementalism, I suppose. They will not tolerate those who judge things percieved to be out of the ordinary.
    This.

    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    I would say your friend has a low self-asteem no matter of her type. She might be protecting herself (being easily offended, judging herself easily).
    Could somewhat be the case, but could very much be other things as well.

    Knowing the OP's posting history, I'd give the friend the benefit of the doubt.

    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Yeah well prejudice against reverse judgementalism is just intolerant and wrong!
    :girlpower:

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