Mind you, INFJs don't just drop people for their benefits. So I wouldn't consider her dropping you because you refused to help. However, I think you could be right about the miscommunication because I often felt INFJ is one of those type that got misunderstood.
You mentioned about her living in her imagination, I suppose that's the Ni-Ti loops you're talking about. It's not really about her wanted to live in her little inner-world but when things get rough or hits her hard, that can become our usual defensive mechanism for filtering out unwanted thoughts. It's just a way for her to recuperate the hardships evolving around her life.
May I ask what's your type? Since both of you have been together for quite long, I assume you might have accomodated her into spoiling? I think when it comes to purchasing habits, it's very difficult to go down once you allowed her to get what she wants. Again, I could be biased here, but I really doubt she's gone because of money issues. I suspect it could be the way of your delivery the message across might had hurted her weak spots.Please note, we are not talking basic necessities. Her grandiosity is not in check. Her spending and money management is not in check. Once it became clear to her that the "large" lump sums would not be happening any longer any time soon...poof, like magic she was gone.
Basically, I'm not representing all INFJs here, but for me as a 4w3, I had put two of my best friends on hold (not dropping, though they might've taken it like that because I didn't speak with them for nearly three months) because I weren't able to get the emotional support that I'm seeking for.
I have two close friends, one being ENTJ and the other being ENFP, both of their approach of offering advices to me weren't suitable as I can be quite sensitive if I felt I've been forced to accept their advices. I just needed to vent and not really seeking for solutions, though their advice sounds more like a lecture to me. Sometimes I'm not good at telling people that they've crossed the boundary whenever I felt offended, so I'll just withdraw myself and keep a distance away from them until I'm feeling happy and healthy (been stressed for getting a job for months).
So it's either she'll eventually contact you when she has dealt with her own emotional / financial issues, or she'll never. But based on my POV, I would never doorslam someone if there are still financial ties with them. At least I'll get that sorted out first before the doorslamming.
Sometimes, I think people got confused when INFJs may seem to look like they're playing the victim role. I think when an INFJ appears to like that, it's a sign that they're truly overwhelmed by a strings of bad luck. I really envy Fi'ers how they can tolerate to put off all the misery inside them without revealing their sufferings to others.The feeling of "victim" even when they aren't...the overwhelming need to be unique and different...when she's healthy it's great, the depth and soul of an infj, nothing better imo...but we all aren't healthy all the time of course and average is okay too...but this is very unhealthy.
I happened to got trapped inside the elevator today twice. Once in the morning, and another during early evening. Though the second trapping involved me and two other passengers, all crammed in a really small elevator. The fan went off this time and I felt suffocated. I was really paranoid as all three of us didn't have mobile phones with us and it was getting really stuffy and hot, then I felt really clautrophobic. Then later this evening, I discovered that my shoes got stolen (my only work shoes with heels) as two of my flatmates moved out within the last two weeks. So I was overwhelmed and I brokedown when my mother called me today. During the phone conversation I felt I really shouldn't have told her about this strings of unlucky events and even felt sorry about doing it. However, I was really emotionally wrecked and I just had to let it out. Thank goodness that I just got a job offer recently, orelse I really don't know how I'm able to look past all of that and keep the sanity within me.
Once again, most INFJs tend to drop people when they felt really hurt. Sometimes it's not becuase of the people who caused them the pain but just bad things happened to them and they just felt too overwhelmed and needed time alone. In your case, I suspect there could be a miscommunication between the two of you and that she's taking a mental break away from you. Or she just need some alone time to deal with her own issues. I really don't think INFJs would drop someone for taking advantage from people for financial reasons. Unless she's really unhealthy to a point that she doesn't seem to care about self-image at all, as most 4w3 cares a lot about how people preceive them as a part of shaping their identity.I'm convinced some infj's are oblivious to this when they drop people and vanish. They do not understand the damage they do to a wide variety of people by not having basic communication. I'm seeking an infj perspective or persepctive from someone who knows what I'm talking about.