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  1. #1
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    Default Relationships are limits. Do you relate?

    I naturally like people and I have a few friends. But after an year of close friendship, I feel like suffocating. I want to experience new things and meet new friends, but most of all I want to be free. I feel like they're limiting me. But I can't hurt them, so I keep contacts with them. I'm becoming frustrated. I don't want to hang out with them, I don't want to chat with them everyday... I still like them but I don't want to be THAT close anymore, and there's no rational reason. I think I'll never have long-lasting relationships because they always tire me after a while. Do you ever feel this way?
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  2. #2
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    nope.


    maybe your relationships are too demanding. I don't have any friends I would want to talk to everyday (workplace doesn't count). That sounds exhausting. You know it's not all or nothing, right?
    -end of thread-

  3. #3
    Intergalactic Badass mujigay's Avatar
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    Maybe you're choosing to spend too much time with boring, controlling people.
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  4. #4
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris.moon View Post
    I naturally like people and I have a few friends. But after an year of close friendship, I feel like suffocating. I want to experience new things and meet new friends, but most of all I want to be free. I feel like they're limiting me. But I can't hurt them, so I keep contacts with them. I'm becoming frustrated. I don't want to hang out with them, I don't want to chat with them everyday... I still like them but I don't want to be THAT close anymore, and there's no rational reason. I think I'll never have long-lasting relationships because they always tire me after a while. Do you ever feel this way?
    I agree with @Randomnity that I don't really have friends I would want to talk to every day, even the ones I really love and am really close to. Although, I do have friends who I interact with by text, Facebook etc almost every day (or at least many days of the week), but that's more for fun.

    My honest take on your comments is that either a) your friends are a bit on the smothering side (which I know even through experience with only one or two people like that can be so exhausting), or b) you're uninterested in commitment to the extent that it probably is going to affect your relationships negatively. (Just being honest, sorry if it sounds mean!)

    If it's a), well...with people like that, I've found you can still care about them and be there to a certain extent for them, but you have to severely limit it. Tell them you're busy a lot more (and if your life is like most of us, it's probably true) and say no more, do things with them only occasionally etc.

    If it's b), I would think that maybe you need to look at your reasons for wanting friendships or relationships at all? Is it maybe for somewhat more selfish reasons (fun, excitement, novelty etc) or do you really want reciprocal friendships with give and take, and not only fun, but mutual support?

    Just my thoughts.
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  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    maybe your relationships are too demanding. I don't have any friends I would want to talk to everyday (workplace doesn't count). That sounds exhausting. You know it's not all or nothing, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I agree with Randomnity that I don't really have friends I would want to talk to every day, even the ones I really love and am really close to.
    I feel bad that I make you guys read my posts everyday.

    I could talk to the same people forever as long as we got along. I like the idea of people staying the same and situations and environments changing.

  6. #6
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    I feel bad that I make you guys read my posts everyday.

    I could talk to the same people forever as long as we got along. I like the idea of people staying the same and situations and environments changing.
    Well, you don't really point a gun to our heads to make us go on the forum.

    Wolfy, do you mostly have really chill/easy-going people in your life? That may have something to do with it... I have those chill/low maintenance people for sure, but I think social obligations throw me into contact with quite a lot of people who I like, but in all honesty don't click with all that well.

    And like I said, I do have friends who I interact with daily or many/most days by text and Facebook etc - as well as seeing/talking to them fairly often, but not all the time (weeks could definitely go by, we're all busy and live in different parts of a big city). But that type of interaction takes less energy.
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  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Well, you don't really point a gun to our heads to make us go on the forum.

    Wolfy, do you mostly have really chill/easy-going people in your life? That may have something to do with it... I have those chill/low maintenance people for sure, but I think social obligations throw me into contact with quite a lot of people who I like, but in all honesty don't click with all that well.
    It is low maintenance people I am thinking of probably, I like low maintenance. There are tons of people I limit interaction with but I don't get that involved in the first place. I've always liked having a few people around me and like stability in relationships.

    Side note: I always thought Jackie Chan's stunt team was awesome. Same team working from movie to movie.

  8. #8
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    It is low maintenance people I am thinking of probably, I like low maintenance. There are tons of people I limit interaction with but I don't get that involved in the first place. I've always liked having a few people around me and like stability in relationships.

    Side note: I always thought Jackie Chan's stunt team was awesome. Same team working from movie to movie.
    I know what you mean at least in the sense that I have friends who I've had in my life for 5, 10, 15 or even 20 years or more years (and I'm only in my early thirties.) Some are more like long-lasting acquaintances/casual friends, but some are very very close friends. I really value that in my life and am so grateful for them. (Hopefully they feel a bit similar about me ) Mostly they are low maintenance. I find with high maintenance, it can be possible to keep the friendship going for many many years but you may end up with a lot more distance eventually just for self preservation...

    But we all tend to be people who like their space. (Mostly IxxJs.) Or frequent contact but still with that space/distance. And my two closest friends live thousands of miles away on different continents. We see each other...not nearly enough. Once a year if very lucky, more like every two or three years. But we see each other a lot on FB, exchange long emails (though sometimes with gaps of months between) and have occasional phone calls for four hours and that sort of thing. I also live that far away from my parents and brother, unfortunately. Well, you know what it's like to be far away from your home country.

    I don't have a spouse or a family of my own, so that is a different dynamic in terms of stable relationships. I definitely believe in permanence in marriage and family.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member StrawMan's Avatar
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    I feel like they're limiting me.
    Do it like an ENTP: get new interests and vanish! Call your friends again when you get bored to your new hobbies. Explain something about being really busy and stuff. Repeat numerous times. /kidding (somewhat)

  10. #10
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I dunno... It might be a type/temperament difference, but I just feel like if you feel that your friends are "limiting" you, they HAVE to be somewhat smothering. Because otherwise - if they are pretty regular/chill friends who you aren't joined at the hip with - what on earth would stop you from making a few new friends but keeping the old ones as well?

    I'm really interested in this, actually.
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