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Thread: Relationships are limits. Do you relate?

  1. #21
    Junior Member Array Saranghaeyo's Avatar
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    Jun 2011


    My best friends are ones I communicate with maybe once or twice a month. We usually just make plans to get together and eat dinner, talk about how our lives are, books, politics, etc., then go our separate ways and barely communicate at all. These are my favorite types of friendships, because we have been friends for so long we can depend on each other, but do not constantly have to be in contact or around each other.

    My relationship with my boyfriend is obviously quite different, we see each other on a daily basis, and usually text each other through out the day when we are apart. Occasionally I do get a little tired of him always being around, we practically live in one room together, but for the most part I do not mind. I certainly do not view our relationship as "limiting", perhaps a little irksome sometimes, but I do not feel he is holding me back from being with new people or any such thing.

    I generally do not get along with clingy people who need constant communication/face time in order to feel that we are "friends", which is why I am not friends with anyone like that.

  2. #22
    You have a choice! Array 21%'s Avatar
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    May 2009


    I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I have are all low-maintenance. Most of my current friends are from uni -- all those nice, dreamy, Humanities students, so we get along well

    My best friend is on skype almost all the time and we would chat at least a few lines a day. But there's no pressure involved, and she doesn't get hurt or mad when I 'disappear'. My whole group of friends would try to meet up every two months or so for dinner. That works for me
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  3. #23
    meinmeinmein! Array mmhmm's Avatar
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    Jul 2010


    my best friends, i see like once a year or two,
    usually during winter when we're all back home
    for the holidays. i don't email to say hi. and i never
    chat/instant message with them or anybody except
    jock. we do annual birthday emails when we remember
    to. but even without any communication throughout the year,
    when we do meet, it's always just like yesterday we saw eachother.

    that's very nice.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  4. #24
    Certified Sausage Smoker Array Elfboy's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    5w4 sx/sp
    SLI None


    for the most part yes. I have a close INFP friend and a close INTJ friend, but, other than the kids across the street I occasionally babysit, that's about it. most people drain me and I'm very easily put off. anytime, anyone who imposes any kind of obligation or tries to control me I leave immediately and cut all ties with them. this combined with my tendency to be extremely polarizing, eccentric and uncompromising have left me with few friends and contacts, but I like it that way
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
    5w4>1w9>2w1 Sx/Sp
    Papa Bear
    Motivation: Dark Worker
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Chibi Seme
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    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
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  5. #25
    Senior Member Array Lark's Avatar
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    Jun 2009


    I get that, its probably why I'm unmarried, single and my last relationship was a doomed long distance thing.

    Its not a bad way to be, at least I dont feel so. I've got boundaries with people and realise I only have to deal with them so much as I want to.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Array Lily flower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010


    I tend to love friendships, but I do feel overwhelmed by the obligations sometimes. When someone has something going on in their life, like they have a health crisis or lose their job or something like that - I have the expectation for myself that I am supposed to support them through their problem, but I feel like my own life is so demanding right now that it is hard to help them out.

  7. #27
    Banned Array
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    Nov 2011


    Im so happy............................................. ...
    Finally I found the courage to tell mum that Im gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
    even here people thought I was straight.........................

    happy days for me

  8. #28
    Rainy Day Woman Array MDP2525's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    6w5 sx/sp
    ISTp None


    Take a break if you need it. If you are as close as you say, then give them a head's up. "FYI, I'm going to be hard to reach the next few days. Don't take it personally." You know. If they're your real friends they'd understand.
    ~I'm looking California, and feeling Minnesota.

    Shameless Self-Promotion:MDP2525's Den and the Start of Motorcycle Maintenance

  9. #29
    The Black Knight Array Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    4w3 sx/so
    eNFJ Ni


    Variety is the spice of life, but you can find people who love variety, and not have to keep replacing one-note people.

    I tend to feel terrified and up a tree in romantic relationships but with friends, the longer I know them, the happier I am, because I feel closer to them.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P

  10. #30
    RETIRED Array CzeCze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by iris.moon View Post
    I naturally like people and I have a few friends. But after an year of close friendship, I feel like suffocating. I want to experience new things and meet new friends, but most of all I want to be free. I feel like they're limiting me. But I can't hurt them, so I keep contacts with them. I'm becoming frustrated. I don't want to hang out with them, I don't want to chat with them everyday... I still like them but I don't want to be THAT close anymore, and there's no rational reason. I think I'll never have long-lasting relationships because they always tire me after a while. Do you ever feel this way?
    How old are you? Plus you're INFP. Your friends probably have no idea that you feel this way. Once you become better at voicing your opinions and demarcating your space you will find this is less of an issue. I think INFPs even well into adulthood can have trouble pursuing rewarding relationships with available people and instead get default friends and spend too much time with whoever is asking for it.

    Next time your friends invite you somewhere tell them you're busy, tell them you are doing XYZ (taking rock climbing classes, getting flying certification, etc.) so they realize they can expect to see less of you. Don't just keep saying "I'm busy" x 100 with no explanation because that's not really a life skill you want to hone. It's up to you to manage others' expectations of yourself. If you are always on the phone with people and going places with people they are going to assume 1) you like it and 2) you will continue to be available.

    So let people know you are stepping away (you don't have to get in their face about it, or you could be blunt it's up to you) and won't be as available and they won't be seeing you as much and then go out and do stuff. You may also find you will miss your friends again once that happens.

    So basically, it maybe not the friends who are the problem just how you are managing your relationships.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux


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