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  1. #11
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris.moon View Post
    I naturally like people and I have a few friends. But after an year of close friendship, I feel like suffocating. I want to experience new things and meet new friends, but most of all I want to be free. I feel like they're limiting me. But I can't hurt them, so I keep contacts with them. I'm becoming frustrated. I don't want to hang out with them, I don't want to chat with them everyday... I still like them but I don't want to be THAT close anymore, and there's no rational reason. I think I'll never have long-lasting relationships because they always tire me after a while. Do you ever feel this way?
    I have felt this way with some people who demand too much of my time. I have an ISFP friend who wants to text and talk to me every day for hours at a time. I just can't keep up so I will "become busy" and not respond after awhile. Otherwise 100% of the texts dissolve into "I had tacos for lunch." *sends photo of tacos* "Oh did you see Blink 182 is coming to your city?!" "Hey should I get blue glitter nail polish or red?"

    I start contemplating suicide at this point. I love her, I love her friendship, I just don't love... whatever this is.

    Back to your topic... I agree with a lot of the other points being made here. You need more low-maintenance friends. Ones with whom you can not see for months at a time and then pick right up where you left off with no problem or accusations of being ignored. Most of my friends fall into this category now.

    If you are conjecturing on how you will be able to handle a long term romantic relationship based on this information, then I still think you will be fine. You will just need to find another independent person to be with for the long haul. Someone who can water and feed themselves.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I dunno... It might be a type/temperament difference, but I just feel like if you feel that your friends are "limiting" you, they HAVE to be somewhat smothering. Because otherwise - if they are pretty regular/chill friends who you aren't joined at the hip with - what on earth would stop you from making a few new friends but keeping the old ones as well?

    I'm really interested in this, actually.
    I think there is some truth to this. I think of this similar to how two people can be who are dating but have opposing needs and desires in the relationship.

    There is nothing wrong with wanting more interaction with another person, and there is nothing wrong with not wanting more interactions. A balance needs to be struck as much as one can be struck.

    I don't personally handle this well at all. I get irritated at my freedom being infringed upon and I do one of two things: if the person is worth my while then I will explain to them that they need to back off, if the person is not worth my while, then I disappear on them.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by mujigay View Post
    Maybe you're choosing to spend too much time with boring, controlling people.
    It happens with almost everyone after a while. I think there's only 1 exception.
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  4. #14
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris.moon View Post
    I naturally like people and I have a few friends. But after an year of close friendship, I feel like suffocating. I want to experience new things and meet new friends, but most of all I want to be free. I feel like they're limiting me. But I can't hurt them, so I keep contacts with them. I'm becoming frustrated. I don't want to hang out with them, I don't want to chat with them everyday... I still like them but I don't want to be THAT close anymore, and there's no rational reason. I think I'll never have long-lasting relationships because they always tire me after a while. Do you ever feel this way?
    Only if the person is really restrictive and dominating of my time. I like friends who have awesome lives and lots of things to say that so whenever I catch up with them it's going to be interesting. Alternative is to just wait a long time in between interactions. I only have one friend that I can talk to on a day to day basis, but it's as though we're in the same mind a lot of the time- so it's no different than hanging out alone. Another alternative is to have lots and lots of friends and acquaintances so that it always seems like something new.
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  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    nope.

    maybe your relationships are too demanding. I don't have any friends I would want to talk to everyday (workplace doesn't count). That sounds exhausting. You know it's not all or nothing, right?
    Right. They don't seem to have this "need for space", they accept it when I ask for it, but they often misunderstand. They think I don't care about them that much or I'm antisocial, so they slowly let me go, and I'm alone again, so I look for new people, and I suffocate again. I always have to explain and show my feelings (and it isn't natural for me). I'm not satisfied until I reach a certain closeness with friends (I'm talking about important friendships, not the people I talk to on the bus xD), but after I made it, their demands become stressful. I realize it when I'm too involved to quit. I don't want these friendships to finish just because of that. Nowadays finding someone caring and true is rare.

    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Another alternative is to have lots and lots of friends and acquaintances so that it always seems like something new.
    That's what I usually do, and it works but... After a while I let the relationships I don't really care of finish and I need to make friends again. And in the end it's like having no friends, it's like those one who f*ck with everyone but nobody really love them.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I dunno... It might be a type/temperament difference, but I just feel like if you feel that your friends are "limiting" you, they HAVE to be somewhat smothering. Because otherwise - if they are pretty regular/chill friends who you aren't joined at the hip with - what on earth would stop you from making a few new friends but keeping the old ones as well?

    I'm really interested in this, actually.
    Thank you for your reply. I don't know if they do something that annoys me... Actually, I'm trying to make new friends, but something inside of me tells me I'm not finding new important friends because of them. I have trouble keeping relationships over time, 'cause I'm so sure of what I feel that I don't think others need proves, but they do, because I show only a part of my inner world, I don't let others understand me totally. I have to make an effort to show how much I care, so I can't handle too many relationships and I let die the ones I care less. Yes, I could find someone that is more important than the actual ones but it's one in a million and, 'till I'm not alone, I'll never really try. The problem is it has already happened. I always think I have found someone who won't ever tire me, but then it ends. There is 1 exception, a friend I know since kindergarten. I recently met a boy with the same problem, sometimes we talk but I don't think we are friends, though I'm interested in him. Ok I wrote too much, but I hope I explained well.
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  6. #16
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    I can relate. I love the people i have close to me and hold them dear.
    I do however need time out, when that happens i may shut mysef away for a while and not answer the phone.
    It does pass after a few days and i'm able to be big social again.
    Most people undertstand i need this time.
    Lots of them are older and have families of their own so recognise that i am not always readily available.
    I'm quite good at communicating in general so if i felt someone was pestering me i would inform them of it.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  7. #17
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Relationships give and take. Deal with it or run and hide
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  8. #18
    Señora Member Elfa's Avatar
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    I have some quite good and close friends, with whom I feel very confortable to talk about pretty much anything. About anything I want or feel, or to listen to what they have to say. But it's common for us to spend like weeks or even months without having any contact; but they are still my close friends. And I know their lives are like that too, they have some close friends, but don't keep constant contact with them. We are pretty busy too haha, it's a little difficult for us to talk or see each other, but we're still good friends, and we're there when some of us needs some support... Maybe we're not as close as you seem to be of your friends, but it is possible to have friends without seeing them everyday - the price to pay is that you're not thaaaat close to them, you don't know what exactly is happening eeeveryday in their lives, and I can live with that. That's what I read sometimes on the internet about friendship of introvert people, they don't talk to each other for months, but are still good friends...

  9. #19
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    agreed. It depends on the friend.

    Recently a long term INFJ friend came back into my life and I just want to run away. She is wonderful, generous, artistic. I was good friends with her for years until my discomfort around her alcoholism was too much.

    I've grown up, too. I have my own life. She has a strong personality at times. INFP's can coexist with dominant personalities, I think. I grew into my own life and am reluctant to give an inch of it up. I feel guilty but I can't deny wanting my freedom already!

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfa View Post
    I have some quite good and close friends, with whom I feel very confortable to talk about pretty much anything. About anything I want or feel, or to listen to what they have to say. But it's common for us to spend like weeks or even months without having any contact; but they are still my close friends.
    Thank you, I know what you mean. I have a friend like that and I think it's my kind of thing (we've been friends since about 13 years and I never get tired). But you know some people don't agree, they want to be closer and closer until I can't stand them anymore. I should stop them BEFORE they get that close, but I never do it, I don't know why.
    PS: love your avatar
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