User Tag List

Results 1 to 9 of 9

  1. #1
    Member cranez's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    60

    Default ENFJ turmoil; Is something wrong with me?

    Oh boy, so the last few weeks have been intense to say the least. So intense that I've managed to unhinge a couple friends.

    I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Despite my efforts to help my friends it seems as if they find me too opinionated, naggy or forceful. I am pretty laid back compared to how I used to be and I'm not sure if people are just being assholes lately or what the big deal is.

    I noticed most of these friends were ENTJs that I've been having issues with. I've been thriving and developing closer relationships with other ENFJs...but the ENTJs, holy shit. I've had my head bitten off by 3 different ENTJs as well as an INTP.

    Either way, my friendships have been lack luster...it makes me sad. I wish I didn't care so much about what my friends thought of me. It would make life a lot easier.

    Does other ENFJs find themselves severely impacted by the relationships around them? I mean, I know so many people who genuinely don't give a shit what people think of them and are happy about it...why can't I be that way?!
    "Don't complicate my piece of mind."
    ENFJ
    6w5
    Ethical-Intuitive Extratim

  2. #2
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    A few questions.

    1. Are these new or old relationships? Meaning, are they established or brand new?

    2. Is the snappishness occuring at work or socially?

    3. Are these particular people going through hard times? It may have nothing to do with you. Is there a way you could find out what's stressing them?

    4. What variant are you? Sx, so, or sp?

    5. Are you giving advice or help that isn't wanted or asked for? If it's asked for, what is your delivery like?

    There are times where clearly everyone's going to have a burr under their saddle, a bad day scenario. I've walked into the garage and felt the negative, aggressive or depressed vibe hit me at the door. Sometimes I would walk in with my own need to be safe, my own need to be untouched, and it would change the vibe in the room.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  3. #3
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cranez View Post
    Oh boy, so the last few weeks have been intense to say the least. So intense that I've managed to unhinge a couple friends.

    I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Despite my efforts to help my friends it seems as if they find me too opinionated, naggy or forceful. I am pretty laid back compared to how I used to be and I'm not sure if people are just being assholes lately or what the big deal is.

    I noticed most of these friends were ENTJs that I've been having issues with. I've been thriving and developing closer relationships with other ENFJs...but the ENTJs, holy shit. I've had my head bitten off by 3 different ENTJs as well as an INTP.

    Either way, my friendships have been lack luster...it makes me sad. I wish I didn't care so much about what my friends thought of me. It would make life a lot easier.

    Does other ENFJs find themselves severely impacted by the relationships around them? I mean, I know so many people who genuinely don't give a shit what people think of them and are happy about it...why can't I be that way?!
    @bold:
    Why do you need to help them? Did they want your help?
    ENTJs and INTPs are typically a highly independent bunch who don't like others' input unless called upon.

    Trust me, I have a little habit of it if I am not mindful. If others do it to me, I eventually snap at them so I try not to do it (but I occasionally slip up).

  4. #4
    Member cranez's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    60

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    A few questions.

    1. Are these new or old relationships? Meaning, are they established or brand new?

    2. Is the snappishness occuring at work or socially?

    3. Are these particular people going through hard times? It may have nothing to do with you. Is there a way you could find out what's stressing them?

    4. What variant are you? Sx, so, or sp?

    5. Are you giving advice or help that isn't wanted or asked for? If it's asked for, what is your delivery like?

    There are times where clearly everyone's going to have a burr under their saddle, a bad day scenario. I've walked into the garage and felt the negative, aggressive or depressed vibe hit me at the door. Sometimes I would walk in with my own need to be safe, my own need to be untouched, and it would change the vibe in the room.
    1. Are these new or old relationships? Meaning, are they established or brand new? Somewhat new? Not very developed with either of the primary ENTJs I've been dealing with -- new friendships. The INTP I've known for years.

    2. Is the snappishness occuring at work or socially? Socially.

    3. Are these particular people going through hard times? It may have nothing to do with you. Is there a way you could find out what's stressing them? There could be things that are stressing them out. But they could at least be honest and forward and say something along the lines of, "I'm going through a hard time, please do what you can to make it easier for me to deal with you."...most of them don't though.

    4. What variant are you? Sx, so, or sp? Sp/Sx

    5. Are you giving advice or help that isn't wanted or asked for? If it's asked for, what is your delivery like? Well, the one friend I am concerned about it wasn't asked for...but she has asked me about it in the past and it was certainly needed. I think I was a bit repetitive so I think that is what made her blow up.

    The other friend, was just flat out being a bitch I've decided. I wasn't even talking to her and was simply posting status messages that were open ended to anyone and she flipped out on me and unfriended me on everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    @bold:
    Why do you need to help them? Did they want your help?
    ENTJs and INTPs are typically a highly independent bunch who don't like others' input unless called upon.

    Trust me, I have a little habit of it if I am not mindful. If others do it to me, I eventually snap at them so I try not to do it (but I occasionally slip up).
    Well one of my ENTJ friends was spreading a bunch of misinformation regarding programming languages vs frameworks & I corrected her because it was making her sound not so smart and in a public setting. She has asked me for help in the past regarding the topic. She also asked me questions while I was helping her understand some concepts she was getting wrong.

    I know what you mean though, sometimes I can talk TOO much and I too try to be mindful of it.
    "Don't complicate my piece of mind."
    ENFJ
    6w5
    Ethical-Intuitive Extratim

  5. #5
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    Hmmm I think you accidently made the NT look incompetent publicly. Not really your fault but that tends to be a big sore spot for NTs.
    Last edited by Glycerine; 11-08-2011 at 01:23 PM.

  6. #6
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    I've noticed that ENTJs really need to feel established with their friend relationships - and in the case of my ENTJ best friend - to thoroughly trust a perhaps difficult bit of advice or direction without feeling besieged.

    We need an ENTJ in here.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  7. #7
    small potatoes NotOfTwo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    511

    Default

    This sounds like a mess.
    I personally hate it when people "help" (tell me what to do), when I have not asked for their help. I prefer the friend who is there for me but not in my face.
    Just my opinion.
    "It's never enough." The Cure

  8. #8
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,713

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cranez View Post
    Oh boy, so the last few weeks have been intense to say the least. So intense that I've managed to unhinge a couple friends.

    I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Despite my efforts to help my friends it seems as if they find me too opinionated, naggy or forceful. I am pretty laid back compared to how I used to be and I'm not sure if people are just being assholes lately or what the big deal is.

    I noticed most of these friends were ENTJs that I've been having issues with. I've been thriving and developing closer relationships with other ENFJs...but the ENTJs, holy shit. I've had my head bitten off by 3 different ENTJs as well as an INTP.
    You gave some ENTJ's unsolicited advice or told them they were doing something wrong? Or other NT's. In public?





    Does other ENFJs find themselves severely impacted by the relationships around them? I mean, I know so many people who genuinely don't give a shit what people think of them and are happy about it...why can't I be that way?!
    Because you can never be the asshole. You can be manipulative and pushy as all get out but you will never do the asshole who doesn't give a shit and likes it thing. That's our job.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  9. #9
    Member cranez's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    60

    Default

    I'm not an asshole about it. I just ask them questions and try to get them to picture how the information they are saying is wrong...or give them references that tell them the 'truth' of things.

    I never do this publicly. I'm more of a pull to the side, "Here read this..." type. I'm certainly not telling them that they're doing anything wrong...just giving them resources and explaining it when they say they don't understand what I gave them.

    I guess this is why I am surprised I'm getting my head chewed off.

    @ceecee: LOVE that picture. xD
    "Don't complicate my piece of mind."
    ENFJ
    6w5
    Ethical-Intuitive Extratim

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] someone is wrong with me
    By think2much in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: 02-22-2011, 02:40 PM
  2. "Is there something wrong with the scientific method?"
    By LeafAndSky in forum Science, Technology, and Future Tech
    Replies: 43
    Last Post: 01-19-2011, 04:37 AM
  3. I think there is something wrong with my monitor
    By /DG/ in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 07-24-2010, 09:37 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO