The past few years I've been thinking about the things regular people say, picking apart the substance of small-scale communication, pleasantries & things like "How are you?" The meaning is very hidden in these things, the meaning isn't in the words so much as the fact that when you say them it's like throwing a bright colorful stream of yarn at someone across a grassy ground, hitting them upside the head with a soft, pleasurable impact.. rather satisfying.
To me, this type of encounter is the antithesis of intensity - just superficial flutterings that are as annoying as a housefly buzzing around me while I am trying to do something. The intensity I seek is in my own actions and interactions, and is related to the focus and concentration (concentratedness?) of the experience. It involves my being able to engage my whole self in the experience, whatever that may be.
Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it. We should remove the carrot and walk forward with our eyes open. -- Raistlin Majere
i like intensity. but i don't know why i'm attracted to intensity.
i wonder if it's because i'm impatient so i like high dosages
at once. or perhaps because i'm always 'somewhere else'
and i think i need a higher dosage to tether me in the present
moment? or maybe because i'm always winging it, and the
more i have to wing it with is better? or maybe a combination
of some sort.
every normal man must be tempted, at times,
to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
and begin slitting throats.