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Thread: INFP Men: What Do They Want/Look For in a Woman?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Adasta's Avatar
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    Oct 2010

    Default INFP Men: What Do They Want/Look For in a Woman?

    Alright chaps, let's be having you. I did a cursory search for this sort of topic and didn't find anything. Perhaps we should have a go at listing the things we like in a lady? I'm convinced that there must be some INFP fetishists out there somewhere. Maybe we should give them some tips?

    Disclaimer: I am E4w5. I'd be interested to hear from INFP 9s and others about my suggestions.

    In a woman, I look for her to be:


    Nothing touches me more than a girl who is tender-hearted. When I say caring, I don't mean that I want a woman that is going to wash my clothes for me or cook my dinner (but if you feel like putting a wash on, I won't stop you ) - some people really enjoy indulging in pre-conceived gender roles. If you are at all interested in me, you've probably noticed that am quite prone to introverted reflection and melancholy. Don't worry, though – you can snap me out of it! What I need is for you to accept that whatever you like about me is inextricably linked to this strain of sadness. I'd like for you to be caring towards me and realise that sometimes I just get a bit down. Cheer me up by making me see it's not all doom and gloom. INFPs desperately want to have fun, but we need to feel that we are first allowed to have fun. We need a bit of looking after from time to time. We are bit too sensitive sometimes...


    This could be tricky since the concept is so hard to define. I value authenticity, so I don't want you to pretend to be whatever you think a lady should be – just be yourself. What attracts me is how your gender differs from my own. Understand that I am at odds with my own gender most of the time because they act much differently from me, and think in different patterns. Femininity is a colossal draw for me. It makes me want to study you and learn everything about you, because I sense in you an energy so very different to my own. I really want to bask in its glow.

    You'll probably never realise just how marvellous it is to see you smile, or to hear you laugh, or to smell your skin, or to see you move “just so”, or to notice how you flick your hair from your face...but we do. Just be yourself and don't try and second-guess us; don't try and be what you think we want you to be. Worse, don't every try and be what you think others have wanted you to be. We really want you to be you, because that allows us to be us. Let us perceive everything about you – we love to soak it all up. If you're engaging us, don't be concerned about your perceived “flaws” - we are totally oblivious to all that. We are not comparing you to other girls; we don't care that your nail varnish is a bit chipped; we aren't aware if you're feeling nervous. We're really quite focused on your loveliness


    Not just in me, but in something. It doesn't matter what. This is where INFPs can really get involved with other types. It doesn't matter if you're an NT and you just love being a lawyer or if you're an SJ and you love being a mentor to troubled teenagers, just let us know how much you love it. Depth is compelling and it makes me want to learn more about you. It suggests that you are not superficial, which is a heinous crime in our book.


    I really enjoy a good put down. A well-crafted and thought-through jibe is excellent. Linguistic dexterity is always noted. I like a girl that's clever because it means she can think for herself. So much the better if she can be a bit caustic at the same time. Perhaps I'm just an intellectual masochist but it is wildly attractive to be stopped in your tracks. INFPs are extremely playful, it's just that we are very selective with our playmates. Show me that you can play my game!
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  2. #2
    Tempbanned Array
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    If you need help finding that woman, I have the hold on some of these and can program them with anything you want


  3. #3


    Some kind of a connection, which is very difficult to quantify. Some people just stand out from the rest.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Array Eckhart's Avatar
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    Jan 2010


    I find it difficult to describe before what a perfect woman would be for me. It is the overall picture that matters to me, the woman as a whole. I cannot paint that whole picture myself, but when I see it in front of me, I know it is perfect. Of course, I can try to make a list of seperate characteristics I believe to like, but how they manifest when they all come together, that is very difficult to foresee and describe! My perfect woman has also some quirks and "flaws" which make her unique to me and which you cannot determine before either!

    So, in terms of "tips" how to deal with a more withdrawn and sometimes a bit shy INFP like me, I can only say that you have to just be authentic and yourself, and you shouldn't worry and copy on what other people say you should behave like, because that is not what works with me. You will also probably need to take some good lot of time with me before I open up, and it might help if you are willing to do some steps towards me without accelerating things overly! Don't misunderstand my lack of opening up as a sign that I don't like you or am desinterested; if I am willing to hang around with you when I had the chance to just as well avoid you, you can be pretty sure that it has nothing to do with me not liking you, because then I wouldn't keep hanging around with you in the first place. It just needs some time to open up for me, and it helps to know that you are very accepting and not judgemental, because I know that my views, ideas and thoughts are often perceived as strange by most people which I perceive on the other hand as superficial!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Array BAJ's Avatar
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    Jun 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    If you need help finding that woman, I have the hold on some of these and can program them with anything you want

    There may be hope!


    My circumstances are that I'm not affluent at all, but I'm also 40 years old with a small member, effeminate voice, tragic and self-absorbed INFP 4w5. Thus what I want is basically someone who can tolerate all that, as well as some other things I'll never even revealed on a forum.

    Also, it is a major plus in all relationships if they have a way to see my life as a comedy of errors rather than a tragedy, and make me laugh at myself as well. It's necessary that they see past the lack of conspicuous consumption to the core beauty. I'm speaking of friends as well, but whatever I say about relationships applies to the concept of "her" as well. It would be lovely if she is a polisher of diamonds, who does not mind the grime in which they are found.

    Further, I believe she must be the director. She must, very patiently draw me out without spooking me, and coax me towards activity with her, and in the world. As part of this process, it would be best if she realized that withdrawal into myself and that seclusion is normal for me. She probably must take the initiative without me feeling trapped in a web of obligation beyond my personal energy.

    I'd state physical characteristics, intelligence, or other factors, but I don't have the resources. It would be the equivalent of a beggar being handed the keys to a Ferrari. I must be realistic considering my own physical anatomy or lack of resources.

    I did love an ISTJ who drifted into an ESTP recently, but she had many admirers, and many were like her, a genius with very attractive physical characteristics. She was used to a life somewhat better than I could give her, since father played monopoly with real buildings, and her main boyfriend was the type of genius who would take the I-phone apart and make it compatible with other networks.

    In fact, she exposed me to her world, watching anime in basement the exclusive computer lab of the honors dorm or visiting the yacht club to watch the regatta come in. I went out with her 28 times, which is by far a record for me.

    I guess I burned up a lot of obsessiveness with her (though not all of it, I'm sure). I come to see my life as less of a quest to find "her", and more of an experience where each person opens a portal to new worlds. It's like...with this worlds are born or explored...the world of herself...the world of myself and herself.

    It's not quite like "The unbearable lightness of being", since I haven't thrown out all my heavy suitcases, and it's not a sexual quest to collect the treasure or uniqueness...since I've not fucked...but it's more a quest to appreciate each new world, and experience the new worlds experience the birth of a new identity of myself in the context of each person. There is a music of being which plays only in the context of that person. I seek that. I look for that, and I'm not as attached to finding the perfect note. Indeed I expect it to be transitory, and never take her for granted while she is there.

  6. #6


    Not much, but one step at a time. First recognize I exist with you, we'll go from there.

  7. #7


    I'd like a woman who has violent urges she can only just control. I want wonderful moments, like going into the garden to see her eating yet another small mammal she found, then getting angry and all "what have I told you?!", only to have her pull the cutest "I'm sorry" face. How could I stay mad? Maybe I'd even let her have a few homeless people to play with

    She has to know how to kill effeminately. No head bashing, bone breaking or throat crushing. Bringing a feminine grace to violence is so sexy I want a troll too, but a troll with purpose. When we are laughing at diseased people, I want to know she has a clear vision of how it makes the world a better place.

    Finally she has to be educated and wealthy. I'm not going anywhere near savages

  8. #8


    It's a gestalt, bro.

  9. #9


    I thought a significant percentage of INFP men were gay. This thread is very discriminatory.

  10. #10
    mod love baby... Array Lady_X's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    7w6 sx/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecTcelfeR View Post
    Not much, but one step at a time. First recognize I exist with you, we'll go from there.
    whaaat? now you're an infp? wth is going on here!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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