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  1. #11
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    Back when the INFP forum was still around this relationship was seen as a "heaven or hell" type relationship. REALLY good, or REALLY bad. I've read that male INFP's often marry INFP women [likewise female ENFJ's often marry male ENFJ's].
    Yes, this is what it seems like. Have you known any INFP pairing IRL? I wish there was a model I could look at!
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #12
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    I think one of my past serious boyfriends was an INFP. He was very sweet, sensitive, a little shy. He went through a period of career searching that I could relate to. We met in college.

    We broke up for a couple reasons. Mainly because he studied overseas one summer and I just lost it near the end, feeling abandoned. Even if he hadn't been away, I don't think he could have survived my moods or insecurity about his female friends (thankfully, I'm now much less moody and more mature )

    I think it really depends on the INFP's involved. Can they handle their own issues without lashing out at each other? Can they deal with the other person's ups and downs without taking things personally? I could see the heaven-hell thing where the partners are drawn to each other, then repelled due to self-protection.

    Personally I'm more drawn to sensitive T types, who can pick up on whether I'm sulking but not take the sulking personally, ha. I also feel more comfortable knowing they can withstand my snarkier or darker moments. My INTJ fiance is very practical and realistic. He slaps me into action, but can easily see when I'm in a mood and is quick to give me a big hug.

    That's just me. It depends on what each INFP feels s/he needs.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Okay ya.

    I am curious about this because my one INFP friend is very attracted to my other INFP friend. AND i hear it frequently mentioned in threads, that infps (atleast in theory) prefer their same type.

    Now to me this concept seems a bit strange, to say the least. Perhaps It's because I can't fathom two ENFP's together. The craziness, the shenanigans, the energy, and fighting for the lime light. UGH! But I really wonder what the hell two INFP's would look like? How would they operate in this cruel reality? Would one pick up the slack the other leaves? Would the behaviors (not core personality) significantly change? Would they ever leave their home? (Real concern revealed haha).

    What has been your experience?
    The following is solely my personal interaction with a few NFP males. I do not think all NFP males are like them.

    I personally disliked the combination a lot. I went on a few dates with two different INFPs and didn't continue with either for various reasons. The major reason was that I ended up being the one who was more "T" than the guy, and that annoyed me. I don't mind if I need to be the more extraverted one in the relationship, I don't care if I am the more organized one either (frequently I am the "J" ). But take away my N or my F and I will dig in my heels quite a bit and be resentful.

    I also just find that too much familiarity does indeed breed contempt. I saw things in him that annoyed me about myself, and having it mirrored back to me was just agony. I like having enough similarities that you understand each other (well, as much as the sexes can really understand each other ), but enough differences that your strengths and weaknesses sort of overlap.

    I've had way more freedom to just be ME with the INTPs, ENTPs, INTJs, and lone ISTP I have dated. Otherwise with another INFP, it turns into a bit of competition. I had the same issues when I dated my ENFP ex for a year and a half. We were just way too similiar. He got annoyed when I "stole" the limelight from him, and I got annoyed when he was more dramatic that I was.

    I am a strong believer that any type can be with any other type and find success since it ultimately depends on two individuals to figure a creative solution to life's problems. For me thus far, I have had far more success and fun with dating T types. The closest I might come to an F is to date an xNFJ man, but overall I prefer dating T's.

    In an semi-related note, I have an INFJ friend married to an INFJ. They work very well together but they have encountered some issues where she has become the more "E" and "T" of the two. He has become very Se, live in the moment, and more prone to "P" kind of behavior. So their issues crop up around these things.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    I've heard that with two INFP's someone is forced to become the: defacto E, defacto J, and defacto ESTJ. I imagine another way to go about it would to become a "super hippie" couple that basically becomes ultra-NFP. I've seen ENFP-INFP couples pull that off. I dont think I've known any INFP-INFP couples.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    ^
    This is where my line of thought was going as well. It was mentioned in socionics that when same partners occur one of the partners will begin to behave as the opposite typing to create balance. I would imagine this could become very tiring. For me personally being so high on the P scale I know that relations with others P's are extremely difficult. Even though I have such a high perceiving preference, for some reason I take on J traits to make sure shit gets done. I also become resentful, wanting to retain my care-free-go-with-the-flow mindset. I am positive that my ideal partner will be a J or have strong tendencies.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  6. #16
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    ^
    This is where my line of thought was going as well. It was mentioned in socionics that when same partners occur one of the partners will begin to behave as the opposite typing to create balance. I would imagine this could become very tiring. For me personally being so high on the P scale I know that relations with others P's are extremely difficult. Even though I have such a high perceiving preference, for some reason I take on J traits to make sure shit gets done. I also become resentful, wanting to retain my care-free-go-with-the-flow mindset. I am positive that my ideal partner will be a J or have strong tendencies.
    Yeah, this is how I feel about the T/F scale. I like being carefree and it would be nice to have a more J type to handle that stuff , but I would rather be with a TP than an FJ.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    ^
    I am somewhat undecided on the f/t thing. My last few relations have been with very prominent T's, I have no idea why that keeps occuring, and its kinda left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Every once in a blue moon I come across INTJ's that seem to be very balanced in their T/F dichotomy and the attraction is uber-intense. Unfortunately finding them has been very rare, and each and every one has already been nabbed up by an ISFJ lol.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    ^
    I am somewhat undecided on the f/t thing. My last few relations have been with very prominent T's, I have no idea why that keeps occuring, and its kinda left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Every once in a blue moon I come across INTJ's that seem to be very balanced in their T/F dichotomy and the attraction is uber-intense. Unfortunately finding them has been very rare, and each and every one has already been nabbed up by an ISFJ lol.
    Come hang out with me for awhile ^_^. I am a magnet for INTJs it seems.

  9. #19
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Most of the INFPs I've known have been older women, and I got along well with them.

    I've only met 1 INFP male in person, and a few online outside of MBTI forums. The one in person was immature, but probably won't be a bad guy once he gets older. In our short interaction, I did not feel I had to be the "T". Maybe because I am not particularly into T men (generally being drawn to Feeling types), this was not an issue so much as "E" and "J" traits. It was definitely more about behavioral traits than ways of thinking. I think he found himself talking more than usual, and not being used to it, it sounded like "me, me, me". I found him self-absorbed, and he probably found me too reserved. His lack of initiative irritated me, and I felt I had to nudge for concrete plans. I didn't like being the "J" in that way (I experienced this with my ESFP ex also). He was sort of ENFPish & I was INFJish in behavior, but it wasn't natural or comfortable.

    Generally, with male INFPs (mainly speaking of ones online now, but also the one guy IRL), both being empathic & imaginative is not a problem. I don't find the mutual NFness to cause competition or resentment at all; rather, that is what draws us to each other. The issue is IxxP stuff. Both of us tend to be passive in terms of initiating & reserved in expression of interest & general feelings (hesitant to open up). It feels like it has little chance of ever getting off the ground, even just for online friendship (forget romance!).

    I have found some male INFPs a little too.....cutesy. I don't like bubbliness in general, and I don't see myself that way, so I always find it puzzling in other INFPs. I DO like personalities that are warm & kind & playful, but still avoiding bubbly territory. I've probably liked male ENFJs better for that reason. The more, er, cranky, melancholy and/or reserved INFPs can remind me of myself, which is sort of endearing, but I can't say its attractive.

    In a possibly related note, I've read that female enneagram 4s & male enneagram 9s often marry. This struck me as interesting because they are both common enneagram types for INFPs. I also read that they can be the most volatile combination of enneagram couples. They're drawn to each other heavily for surface similarities, but the differences cause big problems, I guess. Based on my relationship with my ISFP step-dad who is e9, I can guess how problems would play out. Even though we have a father-daughter dynamic (not a romance, obviously), the conflicts noted here hold true. I find my step-dad too passive & complacent, and he finds me too demanding & temperamental. He wants a comfortable & peaceful life, and I want an exciting & unique one.

    I see this as my experience with male INFPs also, and it's probably because these have been e9s. I imagine a friendship would be great though
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #20
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i dated an enfp/entp hybrid person and felt like an infp and now i'm with an infp and i feel like an entp/enfp hybrid haha
    i don't know what the point of that is...sorry.
    This is so hilarious! Totally relate.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

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