User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 31

  1. #1
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    748 sx/so
    Posts
    1,489

    Default Uncapable of having long relationships

    Hi, I'm sad. I just talked to my ex, in the space of 1 month that we're apart she already met someone else and introduced her to the parents. I haven't even met anyone new!

    I don't know what's wrong with me, all my ex's seem to find their soul mates right after they break up with me. And I can't seem to be able to hold on to a relationship for more than.....9 months? I don't know, the rest of my life is going great, and I have a lot of friends and I think meaningful connections too, so why do I seem to be so shitty at this? And will it ever change?

    I need some comfort please. Questions accepted.

    EDIT: and to the person that thought it was more important to correct my vocabulary than to answer my post I tell you EXcapable, IScapable, BAMcapable and FREAKINGcapable.....did your brain explode yet?

  2. #2
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,489

    Default

    it reflects more poorly on her than on you that she's moving so fast into a new relationship, imo. It's normal to feel sad about it but it doesn't say anything bad about you at all.
    -end of thread-

  3. #3
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    748 sx/so
    Posts
    1,489

    Default

    But.....everyone! This is the forth relationship in a row. I either leave them or they leave me, the point is right after me they find their soulmate and it lasts forever. I see a pattern here. And I wonder what it is, so I can change what I'm doing wrong.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    HUMR
    Enneagram
    6 sx
    Socionics
    iNfp Ni
    Posts
    1,521

    Default

    I wouldnt feel bad. People are just assholes sometimes. I had an ex (granted that I broke up with) find his for reals soul mate in 2 months after we had been together for 5 years! I couldn't complain since I broke it off, but it was inwardly a heavy bitch-slap. I've seen people jump from person to person and I could never do that. I also don't look kindly on it. I think it shows a bit of immaturity, an inability to let yourself heal and reflect on what happened, and a touch of neediness. And anyhow, how do you know they found their "soul mates" ? How long have they been together? Few months or even a few years. I tell you, the real meat of a relationship doesnt start till the honeymoon wears off. So calm down, their is still much potential for all of your old partners to end up miserable and alone X)
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  5. #5
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    3,532

    Default

    Maybe you are helping them find their true selves, so that the next person they meet is a great fit?

    If so, the solution is simple: find someone who already knows their true self.

    Like others have said, I wouldn't feel bad. Just keep on keepin' on. You'll find the right one when the time is right.
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

    My blog:
    TypeC: Adventures of an Introvert
    Wordpress: http://introvertadventures.wordpress.com/

  6. #6
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    748 sx/so
    Posts
    1,489

    Default

    thank you. i think i just understood something big about myself and you helped me out. special thanks to drew barrymore, i feel very honored that you'd take some time to talk to me

  7. #7
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    931

    Default

    I don't know about your relationships personally, but I know that all of my boyfriends lasted only 3-6 months, and I used to feel the same way you did, that I couldn't sustain a relationship for any length of time. Then I met my husband and that has worked for close to 20 years. So you may just need to meet the right person.

    Have the same issues come up as the reason for breaking up with each person, or have they been different issues?

  8. #8
    sswwwaagggg gmanyo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    275

    Default

    If it helps at all, I think it makes sense that you would feel bad in this situation, because relationship troubles suck ass. One thing that can but hasn't always helped was people telling me, "Oh, you'll get over it." I know that that's true in the long run, but it doesn't help the emotional pain I feel in the moment. So sorry that you're feeling shitty. I can't understand your situation completely, but I do empathize with your pain. Life sucks sometimes .

    Also, if it helps at all, I've known plenty of people with several breakups in their history, and they're generally pretty cool people.

  9. #9
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    748 sx/so
    Posts
    1,489

    Default

    ^thank you both of you.
    In short, I think my goal is to develop a deep meaningful relationship with a person. I am always trying to get to the deep meaning of things, the truth, and what happens is in the beginning of my relationships people only see me as this giving, motivated and positive person and of course they love me for it but I start to doubt whether they love the real me or a false image they have of me so I unconsciously start putting them through trials - basically they consist in me being aggressive when I feel hurt. I guess last night reading your posts I understood that even though I am not an insecure person in general, I have actually more insecurities than I thought and I understood it boils down to the fact that I unconsciously think i'm not worthy of love. Even with close people, like my mum, sometimes I am insecure she doesn't love me so I lash out and seek confirmation. So I think I have to work on that (but I don't know how).

    From a practical side, MBTI/Enneagram wise, what do you think that is connected to?

  10. #10
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    ESFJ
    Posts
    4,915

    Default

    @pinkgraffiti .. 1 month and met someone else. I've been single for 14 months now and my ex *sigh* never mind .. Anyway, don't beat yourself up please. Spend some time on enjoying yourself and you'll find when you are in a happy place, people will gravitate towards you. Nothing speaks louder than a confident person enjoying themselves and life. Some people seem to go from one relationship to another without having time to heal and thats a shame on the next poor person as they have to deal with the leftovers. Applaud yourself for seeing that there is something you need to look into and go about making yourself an amazing person. You'll feel better and someone who is truly worthy of you will appreciate your awesomeness

    P.S. Apologies if i am just repeating what others have said, I didn't read their responses.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

Similar Threads

  1. The Perceptions of Happiness in Relationships Survey
    By disregard in forum Online Personality Tests
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-31-2010, 06:39 AM
  2. [NF] Possible negative aspects of INTJ - INFx relationships.
    By DigitalMethod in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-08-2008, 02:41 AM
  3. Replies: 23
    Last Post: 07-30-2008, 08:38 PM
  4. The art of having conversations
    By Maverick in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 03-09-2008, 05:01 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO