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  1. #1
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Default Tell me about your eye contact NF's?

    Just curious.

    I've been reading some information about eye contact and personality as of late. This whole interest started because a few different people have mentioned (over the last few years) that I can sometimes stare too intensely at people when i first meet them, or while in deep discussions. Once it was pointed out, I became very aware of how much I do this, especially when first meeting and assessing people. Sometimes I actually struggle to look away when I know I should, because I can sense on a level that they become uncomfortable and don't like being looked at so much. Sometimes I follow que and sometimes I don't. It all seems to depend on how much I want to assess. People reading. A facial expression can lie, as can words, tone, even body language if someone is clever enough.. but I have found that it is very difficult to manipulate the eyes. So I tend to be watching not only the emotional expression, but the subtle eye responces to whatever stimuli they are watching, how ones eyes might shift when something they don't want to disclose comes up, or focus on something that peaks their interest, etc. I also watch how their eyes will move upward when creating a new idea, and downward when recalling an event. ANYHOW (rambling).. I just know that for myself I have always made really strong eye contact with people, and that it is ususally purely observational and not some way of asserting myself, my dominance, or trying to intimidate. I also tend to be rather weary of people that can't hold eye contact, which I believe is typical.

    I wonder what this might mean. If it is common for NF's in general? Have you ever noticed anything unusual about your own eye contact? Have you ever felt like you've had to force yourself to look away? (And not just because someones "hot"). I did stumble across some studies on extended eye contact correlated to extroversion and neuroticism. It was interesting but the correlations seemed mild and definately not all encompassing. I wonder if their might be a correlation to eye contact and perceivers.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #2
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    No, I tend to follow whatever the norm is, perhaps my eye contact even falls short a bit sometimes, since I am fairly shy. I conduct a "social experiment" in middle school once where I put on dark sunglasses in the cafeteria and gazed in people's general direction, trying to figure out if they realized I was staring at them- since I was wearing sunglasses, I could have very well been looking over their shoulder or directing my gaze lazily at my own lunch. I got a lot of uncomfortable responses! I told them all what I was doing afterwards, lots of relived laughs and odd looks.

    I have run into these people so intent on trying to learn motivations/ facial expressions of people that they lose all social norms regarding eye contact, but I imagine the only finding that many of them have is that people don't like extreme eye contact.
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  3. #3
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    I have very poor eye contact, similar to that of a person with Asperger's. I feel bad about it because I know it makes it harder for people to connect and communicate effectively with me (or believe that I'm actually listening to them) but it's totally involuntary. The best I can do to explain it is that it's related to being such a visual (and perhaps also, empathic) person. I really struggle to listen to someone or talk to someone while looking at them. My mind just can't pay attention while I'm flooded with all sorts of visual input like features, gestures, body language and facial expressions. I need to rest my eyes on something that is vaguely interesting (but not too interesting) so I can talk and listen to others. I glance over to them now and then, and observe from my periphery but I rarely can maintain eye contact for long. I don't deny that it's likely to also be related to shyness, though.

    Slightly OT: apparently it's a myth that liars don't make good eye contact and honest people do. Studies have found it's the opposite.

    @shortnsweet: I only buy dark sunglasses so I can secretly watch people.

    The funny thing is that about a year ago I got my first pair of glasses (early adult onset myopia, apparently) and I kept forgetting that they weren't sunglasses. I was once sitting in a bar with my workmates closely observing other people around me, wondering why I was getting strange looks.

    It took a while to get used to them and train myself out of doing it.
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  4. #4
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    I avert with everyone but friends, basically.

    If I'm intimate with somoene, I'm very shy about direct eye contact. Likewise if someone is an acquaintance.

    Most of the time with family, I don't make eye contact because it seems inefficient.....
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  5. #5
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I tend to avoid eye contact with someone if I am feeling shy, and this is mostly the case with new people and/or someone I find attractive. I avoid eye contact if I am not sure someone wants to talk to me , because I feel like unintentional eye contact seems needy (IDK why!!!). If someone seeks eye contact with me or starts a conversation with me, then I make eye contact with no problem, unless I am still feeling very shy with them.

    If I become very engaged in a conversation, then I can make too intense eye contact, as the OP describes. I find myself leaning inward too. I think the other person fears I am going to eat them or something, haha.
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  6. #6
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    Prolonged eye contact makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Hell, I've lost staring contests with cats because I was freaked out by the way they were looking at me. Making accidental eye contact with strangers in public places has resulted in very awkward and uncomfortable situations more than once; my signature deer in the headlights look is apparently a big green light for the crazies. I've learnt to keep my eyes trained on my feet while using public transportation.

    I don't really think about it when I'm around people I'm comfortable with, no real problems making or holding eye contact there. If anything, I can get a little too intense like @OrangeAppled but I've toned it down a lot over the years.

  7. #7
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    I used to not look people in the eyes, because I thought it was awkward. Now I consciously try to do it so i don't come off as rude. There's also that old trick with the wrinkles around the eyes; you only have those wrinkles if you're genuinely happy (unless you have those wrinkles there all the time, due to age or whatever). I like analysing people so I want to know how they're feeling.
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  8. #8
    Member Guy V. Malaxia's Avatar
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    I have poor eye contact with those whom I don't know very well, especially store clerks: the predator, commission-based mentality makes me clam up tight.

    When I'm pissed, however, I give a vicious stare...or so I'm told.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    but I imagine the only finding that many of them have is that people don't like extreme eye contact.
    most people definately don't like extreme eye contact, and more than a few cultures see it as a form of disrespect. I was discussing this earlier with my ISTP, who LOATHES intense eye contact...trying to get him to pin-point what was so uncomfortable. It boiled down to invasion, really. Ofcourse when someone you don't know is eye-balling you.. it's like WTF?! I don't just eye ball random people, its people I am engaging with. To clarify, I don't do it TO see how they respond, it is a very natural almost subconscious thing I've done for along time. When I look into someones eyes, I seem to connect much more than the verbage they use, etc. It is just recently that I began to disect what information I must feel like I am getting when I do this. In the moment it is pure perception.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  10. #10
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    (and perhaps also, empathic) person. I really struggle to listen to someone or talk to someone while looking at them. My mind just can't pay attention while I'm flooded with all sorts of visual input like features, gestures, body language and facial expressions.
    I completely get this, and at times feel the same way. Its some kind of merging overload. I believe they have done studies that show most people can only focus on 3 to 4 things at once with the backdrop fuzzing out.
    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Slightly OT: apparently it's a myth that liars don't make good eye contact and honest people do. Studies have found it's the opposite.
    This is interesting, but not surprising. It would seem that people watchers can familiarize themselves with expected responce to the point of performing phenomenal "authenticity." But I believe its more of a case that not all strong eye contact indicates deception, but that skilled deceivers will prefer to develop strong eye contact.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

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