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  1. #11
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    If I become very engaged in a conversation, then I can make too intense eye contact, as the OP describes. I find myself leaning inward too. I think the other person fears I am going to eat them or something, haha.
    Have you considered why you might do this?
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #12
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by animenagai View Post
    I like analysing people so I want to know how they're feeling.
    Yep.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  3. #13
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    But I believe its more of a case that not all strong eye contact indicates deception, but that skilled deceivers will prefer to develop strong eye contact.
    Yes, I believe that was the case
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  4. #14
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    No, I don't make eye contact or very little.

    I spent time irl this weekend. I visited my parents, my sister and her family, and an artist friend. So I'd say, I allowed eye contact with those...as well as...hugs. Also, I charmed some cats.

    I went to an aquarium, so I did make prolonged eye contact with several fish. I had a staring contest with a nurse shark.

    I think I saw someone from the high school, but I decided to leave it alone...not drop my shield or reveal myself.

    Who else?
    I made eye contact with a

    fried seafood vendor
    parking attendant
    few ferry ushers

    a lady asked if I worked at the aquarium

    I said, "No, but can I help you?"

    She said, "What is that?" She pointed at a mosasaur hanging from the ceiling.

    I said, "I don't know, but there is probably an explanation."

    She said, "Did they catch one?"

    I said, "No, most certainly that is an extinct creature. If they caught that, it would be front page news."

    Then I found an explanation, and told her they lived 85 million to 65 million years ago, plus the name of it. So, I communicated with her, and had eye contact.


    Oh, also, I met a potter. I talked to him for quite some time about kilns. I found the detail painful. I wanted to run away, but I endured it.

    I toured the public garden where I used to work, and I made a little contact with the ticket vendor.

    I suppose I probably made brief contact with others.

    But I don't think I really made contact like you describe.

    If I'm at a social group, such as a table discussion, I look at the people talking.

    However, generally, I think I would find prolonged eye contact with a stranger disturbing.

  5. #15
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by senza_tema View Post
    Prolonged eye contact makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Hell, I've lost staring contests with cats because I was freaked out by the way they were looking at me. Making accidental eye contact with strangers in public places has resulted in very awkward and uncomfortable situations more than once; my signature deer in the headlights look is apparently a big green light for the crazies. I've learnt to keep my eyes trained on my feet while using public transportation.

    I don't really think about it when I'm around people I'm comfortable with, no real problems making or holding eye contact there. If anything, I can get a little too intense like OrangeAppled but I've toned it down a lot over the years.
    haha....I can relate to this whole post

    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    Have you considered why you might do this?
    I suppose I get transfixed by what the person is saying. When I'm actually speaking (with someone I am drawn into), I tend to look "through" people, like just beyond them, but it probably appears as if I am staring intently at them. This is all rather automatic...I may not realize I am doing it unless the person gets weirded out & sends some signal of that. Some people get transfixed back.

    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #16
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    With family: Not often.. Only when I'm serious about something being said.
    With friends: Depends, but usually yes while they're talking it's the easiest way for me to say I'm listening.
    With people I'm attracted to: I advert my eyes whenever possible.
    With an instructor: I'll stare until my eyes hurt from pure concentration.

    Of course, there are some pairs of eyes I don't want to look away from.. but do to be polite and/or what I presume to be socially acceptable.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
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  7. #17
    Member Matt_s's Avatar
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    I find I have the best conversations while walking or doing some other activity that doesn't require a ton of focus but prevents a lot of eye contact. It's always a conscious thing when I'm sitting across a table from someone. Look. Look away, but not too quickly. Am I just looking at one eye? And I've lost my train of thought. I'm probably on the lower end of the eye contact spectrum. It took serious effort in young adulthood to work out of pretty much none.

    Outside of conversations, I like catching people's eyes and making faces. I do this a ton with my favorite people. It makes for nice little connections amidst the drudgery.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    most people definately don't like extreme eye contact, and more than a few cultures see it as a form of disrespect. I was discussing this earlier with my ISTP, who LOATHES intense eye contact...trying to get him to pin-point what was so uncomfortable. It boiled down to invasion, really. Ofcourse when someone you don't know is eye-balling you.. it's like WTF?! I don't just eye ball random people, its people I am engaging with. To clarify, I don't do it TO see how they respond, it is a very natural almost subconscious thing I've done for along time. When I look into someones eyes, I seem to connect much more than the verbage they use, etc. It is just recently that I began to disect what information I must feel like I am getting when I do this. In the moment it is pure perception.
    Maybe they get the feeling you're "cold reading" them?
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  9. #19
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    Maybe they get the feeling you're "cold reading" them?
    Possibly. But being seens as "cold" or "unapproachable" are definately not things people have said or would say about me. I am very self-disclosing and absolutely not a cold person in general (I volunteer at a homeless shelter mondays reading to kids and do temporary animal placement!) Its just more of a fascination, a following. I do find it difficult to observe people in pain, or being humiliated, which is very much why I don't like to watch senseless horror flicks (though some part can appreciate the artistic angle) and why I don't like to watch talk shows. When I perceive pain, humiliation, etc. in someone I get fairly choked up myself. These times of intense eye contact are specifically upon meeting, in interviews, or in deep conversation with people close to me. Ah, who knows. I suppose it could be related to many different things, or not.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  10. #20
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i naturally just look at people when i talk to them. i only ever even think about eye contact when i notice the lack of it in someone else.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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