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  1. #1
    Member cranez's Avatar
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    Default Am I driving my ENFP friend / roommate insane?

    So I recently had my adorable, bubbly, socialite ENFP friend move in with me around a month ago. I didn't know what to expect when she first moved in with her INTP boyfriend. They're very quiet, easy going - but holy hell. Disorganized. I feel like when I bug them for rent (since their rent is payable to me) - they're slow to pay - not because they're trying to avoid it but because they like to do things 'whenever'. I like to keep the house clean so I'm always cleaning up their dishes, cleaning the floors, bathroom etc. Making sure bills are equally distributed for cost of things like paper towels, toilet paper, etc.

    Unfortunately, it seems like they care less about these things than I do. >< I've been trying to be as patient as possible. I think sometimes when I rush to do things so I can get it over with I annoy my ENFP friend. Which makes me sad. I don't mean to...I'm just super organized and they're...not. Don't know if it's the P...but I've lived with another INTP before and he was the same way.

    We cooked dinner and I was super clean because we were dealing with chicken and she just gave me this look of disbelief. Like I was insane and then started laughing....I was kind of irritated by it, because salmonella is serious shit. Heh.

    ENFPs? Thoughts? Could my ENFJness be driving her nuts and she's too polite to act annoyed?
    "Don't complicate my piece of mind."
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  2. #2
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    it's kinda hard for me to live with someone who's super neat and organized, because i'm just not like that and it takes a lot of effort to be. and then i'm not entirely comfortable in my own home and feel guilty and like i have to walk on eggshells to meet someone else's needs.

    not saying you're doing anything wrong, just trying to offer perspective.

  3. #3
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    -for rent, ask for post-dated checks for a few months. they might not be ok with giving it to you, and that is fine. Note: if you do this don't be a dick and cash it early, because often the banks won't look and will put it through anyway....

    -for house supplies, assuming you don't mind dealing with it, ask them to give you 10$/month or whatever it approximately works out to, and add to their post-dated checks for rent.

    -cleaning is pretty much always an issue, just do your best to keep communication open, compromise, be generous, and don't be passive-aggressive about it
    -end of thread-

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    doesn't seem unreasonable to me. i like the suggestion of them giving you the checks already filled out ahead of time with the expectation for them to have the money in their bank by the due date. sit down and do a division of labor...talk about how everyone likes to do dinners...all take turns cooking and buying groceries and cleaning up or every one fend for themselves and just clean up after yourselves...all parties need to bend and compromise....i wouldn't worry about it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #5
    Member cranez's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    -for rent, ask for post-dated checks for a few months. they might not be ok with giving it to you, and that is fine. Note: if you do this don't be a dick and cash it early, because often the banks won't look and will put it through anyway....

    -for house supplies, assuming you don't mind dealing with it, ask them to give you 10$/month or whatever it approximately works out to, and add to their post-dated checks for rent.

    -cleaning is pretty much always an issue, just do your best to keep communication open, compromise, be generous, and don't be passive-aggressive about it
    I don't feel comfortable holding people's paper checks honestly. I am pretty good about keeping things filed away but don't want to be responsible for them. I'd rather they just pay rent on time. Seems simple enough to me. Also; Who the hell would cash someone's checks early?!

    I told her with household supplies just to give me $8 in cash / per month for household items. I go and buy them and make sure the house is arranged and everything is easy to find.

    I'm not passive aggressive with them. I'm pretty straight forward and friendly about it. This may come off as me being annoyed with them when really I'm wondering if my behaviour may be making her uncomfortable. I just have an extreme case of OCD with cleanliness, getting bills paid on time...it clashes with what they're used to. That's all. I actually enjoy cleaning up their messes and organizing things for them.

    I know the INTP probably appreciates it - or he thinks it's silly. He's pretty young still though. Doubt he give sit much thought.
    "Don't complicate my piece of mind."
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  6. #6
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I think my ENFJ sis really felt the urge to scream at her ENFP roommate sometimes when they were living together. They're good friends though

    I like the 'clean up after yourself' deal, but from my sister's experience, this means there will be a week's worth of dishes and cups lying around before the ENFP does anything about it. That could be a real problem though if dirty dishes bother you. What my sister and her ENFP friend did was to agree to use separate drying racks. The 'central area' like the stove had to be cleaned after use, and dirty stuff could only be left on the ENFP's rack so she could deal with it whenever she wanted. I agree that compromising is necessary

    The only problem is that I think it's not cool not to pay rent on time. Tell them that it's causing you financial problems not having it paid on time and I'm sure they would listen. That way it's more feeling-based (I can't buy stuff because I don't have the money and that kinda sucks) than thinking-based (The rent system is disorganized and must be fixed!) and might come across better to the ENFP.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  7. #7
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Roommates are universally annoying. You have all that stuff to try to work around, but you don't have any romantic commitment that will make you put up with the other person. If you can't move out, I would suggest that you just try to divide the areas and keep your area clean and let them leave their area a mess.

    BTW - I totally agree with you about the salmonella. I had salmonella poisoning once and it was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. The stomach cramps are unreal and you just want to die. I can't stand the world's casual attitude about stuff like that.

  8. #8
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cranez View Post
    So I recently had my adorable, bubbly, socialite ENFP friend move in with me around a month ago. I didn't know what to expect when she first moved in with her INTP boyfriend. They're very quiet, easy going - but holy hell. Disorganized. I feel like when I bug them for rent (since their rent is payable to me) - they're slow to pay - not because they're trying to avoid it but because they like to do things 'whenever'. I like to keep the house clean so I'm always cleaning up their dishes, cleaning the floors, bathroom etc. Making sure bills are equally distributed for cost of things like paper towels, toilet paper, etc.

    Unfortunately, it seems like they care less about these things than I do. >< I've been trying to be as patient as possible. I think sometimes when I rush to do things so I can get it over with I annoy my ENFP friend. Which makes me sad. I don't mean to...I'm just super organized and they're...not. Don't know if it's the P...but I've lived with another INTP before and he was the same way.

    We cooked dinner and I was super clean because we were dealing with chicken and she just gave me this look of disbelief. Like I was insane and then started laughing....I was kind of irritated by it, because salmonella is serious shit. Heh.

    ENFPs? Thoughts? Could my ENFJness be driving her nuts and she's too polite to act annoyed?
    show this post you wrote... to them.
    if you guys are living together, you
    should be able to talk about this stuff,
    establish ground rules especially for
    things like rent.

    they might not intend to pay late,
    but ask them what day is good
    for them to pay. make it fixed.
    ie. pay by the 5th of every month.
    tell them you need it by then so
    you can you know... go deposit it
    on the 6th whatever. basically
    let them know that there's a next
    step action you need to do after
    they pay rent, and as long as they
    are late, they are also making you
    late.

    just be clear.


    Quote Originally Posted by chana View Post
    it's kinda hard for me to live with someone who's super neat and organized, because i'm just not like that and it takes a lot of effort to be. and then i'm not entirely comfortable in my own home and feel guilty and like i have to walk on eggshells to meet someone else's needs.

    not saying you're doing anything wrong, just trying to offer perspective.
    yes i agree with chana, i'm messy myself.
    but i keep my mess in my personal space,
    and not in shared spaces.

    actually i'd just negotiate the terms of chore
    duties. like... i would do all the grocery shopping
    and cooking. but i won't clean a thing. because...
    i hate cleaning.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  9. #9
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    No, actually in this I totally empathize with you, cranes. I mean, anyone can be as organized or disorganized as they want, but not when there are other people around, it's called respect. And you're not their mum that you have to worry about how the rent should be payed or not. I mean, if there's a deadline, they should be able to respect it, regardless if they're J, P or ZWUAIG. My opinion.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by cranez View Post
    Don't know if it's the P...but I've lived with another INTP before and he was the same way.
    I lived with an ENFJ for 3 years and it helped me a lot to become more organized and tidy. Did me some good but I realize it was hard for him in the beginning because I was a typical messy ENTP.

    This was years ago. I am honestly grateful that this happened and he helped me to develop as a better person. Should I apologize for that time and tell him I appreciate his positive influence?

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