Roommates are universally annoying. You have all that stuff to try to work around, but you don't have any romantic commitment that will make you put up with the other person. If you can't move out, I would suggest that you just try to divide the areas and keep your area clean and let them leave their area a mess.
BTW - I totally agree with you about the salmonella. I had salmonella poisoning once and it was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. The stomach cramps are unreal and you just want to die. I can't stand the world's casual attitude about stuff like that.
my roommate in college was an ESTJ 6w7 So/Sx and we got along just fine despite him being about as polar opposite to my personality as you could get (ESTJ jock and ENFP classical singing diva lol) . I guess my point is that as long as the lines of communication are open and both people are willing to be cooperative and be assertive (as opposed to bottling things up) living with another person can be pretty close to conflict free. I don't think we ever argued once
ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
Motivation: Dark Worker
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
MTG Color: black/red
Male Archtype: King/Lover
"You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
"I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire
Okay, I had a similar situation except my roommate and I were pretty much easy-going with each other. Ironically, at that time, I was the super tidy/organized one, and she (ISFJ) was the super messy/disorganized one because she focused on her studies. Rent, etc. wasn't an issue because we were in a dorm room. Anyway, you could draw a line down the center of the room. 50% was mine, 50% was hers. And I didn't bother her about her area, and she didn't bother me about mine, as long as none of her shit was in my area. It worked out perfectly, and it was kind of amusing for guests. ;D
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I lived with an ENFJ for almost 2 years. It was a rough run, but rewarding. She is very EJ and was sometimes a nazi. She just did not understand how I could let messy stuff go, and I did not understand why she cared so much and put so much energy into it. We both liked having a clean and organized pad when others came over, but we had people coming over alot. I just didnt care to waste my time having a spotless place 24/7. I found getting her to drink wine helped alot. Once she got a good buzz going, and in a more relaxed mood, she could let alot of stuff fall by wayside. And sometimes I just needed a change of scenery and would be gone for a few days. I'd go hang out with other friends or my boyfriend, which seemed to upset her and made me feel claustrophobic at times. (tip: if your ENFP strays for a bit, its not always something YOU did.) She could be a bit overbearing and even needy at times. I think this was an fi/fe clash, also she was far more extroverted than me. One time, i actually locked myself in my room to read a Harry Potter book while she threw a house party!) And thats another thing that comes to mind, realize that even if shes extroverted, she might still need alone time. ENFPs are often the introverted extroverts. BOth of us did tend to bottle stuff up, but then we'd get into a heated argument and it'd all come dramatically flying out. We even made eachother cry a few times. But every single time we did this, we resolved the argument and felt WAAAY better.
But all of this is just my experience. You could totally NOT be irritating her, ENFJ's have a tendency to worry about this too much I think.
Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts
So I recently had my adorable, bubbly, socialite ENFP friend move in with me around a month ago. I didn't know what to expect when she first moved in with her INTP boyfriend. They're very quiet, easy going - but holy hell. Disorganized. I feel like when I bug them for rent (since their rent is payable to me) - they're slow to pay - not because they're trying to avoid it but because they like to do things 'whenever'. I like to keep the house clean so I'm always cleaning up their dishes, cleaning the floors, bathroom etc. Making sure bills are equally distributed for cost of things like paper towels, toilet paper, etc.
Unfortunately, it seems like they care less about these things than I do. >< I've been trying to be as patient as possible. I think sometimes when I rush to do things so I can get it over with I annoy my ENFP friend. Which makes me sad. I don't mean to...I'm just super organized and they're...not. Don't know if it's the P...but I've lived with another INTP before and he was the same way.
We cooked dinner and I was super clean because we were dealing with chicken and she just gave me this look of disbelief. Like I was insane and then started laughing....I was kind of irritated by it, because salmonella is serious shit. Heh.
ENFPs? Thoughts? Could my ENFJness be driving her nuts and she's too polite to act annoyed?
You aren't doing anything wrong but I would likely want to kill you anyway. It's reasonable to expect rent on time though. There's a day that it's due and that's it. Regarding the other stuff- it's all very relative. Relatively organized to you as a J would probably seem a bit much to someone like me. I think this issue- (and I don't normally like to generalize too much) but I do think that it's largely based on the P/J dichotomy. I like living with P's- much less pressure.
06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box
As long as they're paying the rent the day it's due, what's the problem?
As for cleanliness, what we do at my place is set months for each housemate to clean. This month was my month. Whoever has that month cleans once a week.
But we all keep our shit clean. My room's a holy god mess, but I don't leave ANYTHING in the common areas.
Everyone has their own rack in the fridge with their own groceries, and nobody cooks for each other.
For supplies, we don't share supplies, food, or anything except for actual storage space (we get our own cupboards). Everyone has their own roll of toilet paper that they cart in and out of the bathroom, their own rolls of paper towels, their own dishes and dish racks, etc.
It works out pretty well. My biggest gripe is having to share a bathroom with 3 other girls and 1 guy.
The roommate I hate the most is a fat bitch ISTJ (not saying fat bitches are ISTJ or that ISTJs are fat bitches, this chick is just coincidentally both) - she leaves the bathroom floor SOAKING WET after her showers, she WIPES HER ASS AFTER TAKING A SHIT AND THROWS IT IN THE OPEN-CONTAINER WASTEBIN INSTEAD OF FLUSHING IT LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING, and leaves open garbage and food (including meat) to rot on the counters all night.
Trust me, it's not just a P thing. It's a Poo thing. *lawllawllawlbadjokelawlawlawlawl*
I don't hesitate to pound on her door and demand that she wipe up her mess RIGHT NOW. I've dragged her out her room, dragged her into the bathroom, pointed to her shit-littered wastebin and told her to take the trash outside NOW and never do that again. Nor do I hesitate to cram her shit back inside the fridge and/or throw it out if it's still there fermenting on the counter when I get home at 2AM.
it's kinda hard for me to live with someone who's super neat and organized, because i'm just not like that and it takes a lot of effort to be. and then i'm not entirely comfortable in my own home and feel guilty and like i have to walk on eggshells to meet someone else's needs.
this. i know it's got to be hard from the other side too though, cranez
my SO is an EJ and i love that he helps keep me more organized and on time. my best friend is an ENFJ too. i love Js. their presence encourages me to be more put together. it's good for me. it's just all about attitude. the people i keep around me find my messiness kind of endearing if a little annoying and they know i have other good qualities that make up for it, so they help me instead of looking down on me. they give me time and space to work on it and don't make me feel guilty about my messes, but rather i want to be more organized to impress them. and then i'm more organized and on time, which they like. so it's all quite positive.
moneywise - is there any way you guys can set up direct deposit? i LOVE direct deposit. actually i usually always make my credit card payments a week in advance so i don't forget when the due date rolls around. can you make a "due" date for them a week in advance of the real date you want the money, so that they have a week to get it to you? i do this with my clocks, set them 10 minutes early so then i have 10 minutes to be late within!
Originally Posted by mmhmm
let them know that there's a next
step action you need to do after
they pay rent, and as long as they
are late, they are also making you
that will work too. make use of that F, it's a weakness of ours
cleaningwise - honestly it'd probably get on my nerves if someone was cleaning my stuff. my mom would clean my room and my dad would clean my car when i was a teen and it totally wigged me out. i don't like having someone else in my things; they're private. i also don't like someone coming in and making things i made yucky "better", it feels demeaning. i like 21%'s idea of separate spaces. then they can have their disorganized space and you don't have to worry about it.
though i dunno about food cleanliness, i'm OCD too when it comes to that.
I doubt she's annoyed; she's probably oblivious that there is an issue/problem at all. When rent is due, maybe on the front door or something you should stick a post-it that says "WAIT, ENFP/INTP, are you leaving without paying rent??" and reminds them to do so. At least I do that when I know I have to get stuff done and it works.
Okay so here is the thing. I should have clarified a bit more on the living situation.
It's my apartment. My name is on the lease. Not theirs. So keeping things orderly, clean, etc is important to me because if they fuck something up in the apartment, it falls on me. Not them. I think that's part of why I am so anal about it. I didn't require them to pay a security deposit because they couldn't afford it and I was doing them a favour letting them move in because their lease at their old place was up and the cost for studios shot up a few hundred more than they could afford. Plus they both worked downtown and wanted a shorter commute.
Either way, I kind of feel like my apartment was violated and now they're thinking about breaking up. It's been an absolute nightmare. >< Never again.
"Don't complicate my piece of mind." ENFJ 6w5 Ethical-Intuitive Extratim