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  1. #21
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    I do this too. The problem is I think INFJ tends to not feeling too guilty of this because once then shun someone off, they can be easily blocked from our memory. I think it has to do with the high expectation and projecting it to people who are dear to us. One possible reason is that we tend to invest our entire trust to someone once s/he has passed our inner-judgment test, especially INFJ tend to have very small circle of friends. Being a conflict avoider doesn't help either. We kept collecting and holding grudges and perhaps the flaws that we've been accumulated from others could be seen as a point of no return.

    I once remember that my friend commented on me that I tend to put people into three distinctive categories. Either I really like or hate someone, or the rest are all the same in the mid-zone. So she said it's quite easy for her (an ENFJ) to figure out how I felt toward someone based on my comment about people.
    I hear that ENFJs do the thing as well (perhaps even more so than INFJs?) where they cut someone off and go from a lot of liking/love to a lot of dislike/hate. I don't think I have known many ENFJs IRL but I think I have seen some of that in action. I think ENFJs and I have many similar feelings inside, but I like the fact that they express theirs more openly and passionately.

    I think it is a kind of self-protection, though probably an unhealthy form. If I still feel as though I like or love the person, I would still want them actively in my life and sometimes for one reason or another that's impossible. It's a way of detaching and moving on. Unfortunately I don't handle well the idea of keeping the good memories although the friendship or relationship didn't work out. It's too painful. So, the dislike/hate becomes a waystation on the way to eventual indifference, which is also kind of sad, but ultimately it feels like blessed relief.
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  2. #22
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    I think it's possible for very upset or imbalanced NFs to have an almost complete ethical breakdown but still retain empathic abilities, so they know exactly what to say to break people but don't feel even a shred of remorse doing it.

  3. #23
    Senior Member HighwayChild's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AntiheroComplex View Post
    My unhealthy side in a nutshell. Exactly.
    I too could relate if I weren't self aware enough to lift my head up and improve.
    If one continues to spiral down an unhealthy path, one could turn into a walking contradiction. Completely self-loathing yet maintain a self absorbed God Complex all at once. Loneliness is then your best friend and your worst enemy. It's a vicious circle.

  4. #24
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    From my POV:

    Fi: judge people (a terrible sin in my book), unreliable (can stick a knife in my back any time), selfish, feels like talking to a wall when they decide they "know" something about me, lie through their teeth.

    Fe: controlling, manipulative, think they are better than me as a human (roll eyes), emotionally draining and damaging when using emotional blackmail, like to be martyrs (IxFJ) or lead the way (ExFJ).


    Both lie a lot but in a different way and for different reasons. I understand FJs better than NFs (I am tertiary Fe).


    Edit: Forgot to mention the inability to take constructive criticism for Fi
    I hope you don't hate me for it.

  5. #25
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Meh, I'm not manipulative. I admit I tend to associate that with Fe & Se types.

    Whatever dark side I have involves a withdrawing from people to the point where I don't care about affecting them, good or bad. Manipulation means you want to affect people & achieve something. The closest I may get is spite, where I say something I know will hit a soft spot with someone. I guess sussing out achilles heels for people is a dark side, but instead of sneaky manipulation, I'll toss it in their face outright. The only motive is to make them feel bad, not to achieve anything for myself (well, except that sick satisfaction, which is never very satisfying in reality). I suppose this is inferior Te stuff because it's being hyper critical & blunt & disregarding other people (being uncharacteristically impersonal in regards to my thinking). So tearing people down verbally & knowing where to hit them is the dark side I probably have.

    I can see NFs going bad with a misdirected moral high horse too. That's where you get revolutionary types with crazy ideas & methods.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  6. #26
    Senior Member Cloud of Thunder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HighwayChild View Post
    I too could relate if I weren't self aware enough to lift my head up and improve.
    If one continues to spiral down an unhealthy path, one could turn into a walking contradiction. Completely self-loathing yet maintain a self absorbed God Complex all at once. Loneliness is then your best friend and your worst enemy. It's a vicious circle.
    Yes.

  7. #27
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Meh, I'm not manipulative. I admit I tend to associate that with Fe & Se types.

    Whatever dark side I have involves a withdrawing from people to the point where I don't care about affecting them, good or bad. Manipulation means you want to affect people & achieve something. The closest I may get is spite, where I say something I know will hit a soft spot with someone. I guess sussing out achilles heels for people is a dark side, but instead of sneaky manipulation, I'll toss it in their face outright. The only motive is to make them feel bad, not to achieve anything for myself (well, except that sick satisfaction, which is never very satisfying in reality). I suppose this is inferior Te stuff because it's being hyper critical & blunt & disregarding other people (being uncharacteristically impersonal in regards to my thinking). So tearing people down verbally & knowing where to hit them is the dark side I probably have.

    I can see NFs going bad with a misdirected moral high horse too. That's where you get revolutionary types with crazy ideas & methods.
    I very much agree with this (especially the bolded). I don't do underhand manipulation, I will go for the brazen, outright guilt trip.

    I suppose my other unpleasant behviour I occasionally indulge in, includes:
    - a selfish, self-righteous, arrogant, "I'm so frickin' superior to these idiots" attitude. Generally being a know-it-all
    - give the silent treatment or go into a cold civility mode when around someone in order to punish them.
    - being super nit-picky and generally obsessed with everything being correct
    - being highly critical, judgmental and unsympathetic under certain circumstances (although I'm very tolerant and caring in general)
    - being stubbornly non-committal about what I want, think or feel at times (which can seriously drive people crazy)
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    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  8. #28
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by senza_tema View Post
    I think it's possible for very upset or imbalanced NFs to have an almost complete ethical breakdown but still retain empathic abilities, so they know exactly what to say to break people but don't feel even a shred of remorse doing it.
    How do you know they don't feel sorry later? Just curious.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    How do you know they don't feel sorry later? Just curious.
    I didn't say that they don't feel sorry later, just that they don't feel sorry in the moment.

  10. #30
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Idealatious View Post
    Those INFs and their martyr complexes, hehe. I think ISFJs can often have it too - just in a less... N way, if that makes sense. In a less grandiose, I'm gonna die for my beliefs, manner. Maybe. But I do think it would be more of a defining characteristic for NFs than most other types.
    My significant other is an ISFJ, and I'd say he does have a bit of a "martyr complex." But it's in a more practical way, such as...he'd do anything to protect his loved ones and his security. NFs care deeply for their loved ones, too, but they'd also be more inclined than most to die for an idea, I think.

    Also, I'm not trying to glorify an identification with Rorschach by any means (in case it came off that way). I've just noticed the similarities when I'm at my worst. I really do try to be a strong person and improve upon moments like that.
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