• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFP] INFP Reaction to Break Up

Onceajoan

New member
Joined
Apr 22, 2010
Messages
239
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
Deleted to apparent lack of interest by members.
 
Last edited:

JivinJeffJones

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
3,702
MBTI Type
INFP
Te shutdown mode. Fi is overloaded so Te takes over. It's not hate or vindictiveness, usually, although it can be quite nasty and is often cold since it isn't a very developed function of ours. I suspect it's the infp equivalent of the intp Fe-explosion, except ime it tends to last longer. Meanwhile Fi is down there somewhere, desperately running repairs.
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
Joined
Oct 24, 2008
Messages
2,152
MBTI Type
XNFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Te shutdown mode. Fi is overloaded so Te takes over. It's not hate or vindictiveness, usually, although it can be quite nasty and is often cold since it isn't a very developed function of ours. I suspect it's the infp equivalent of the intp Fe-explosion, except ime it tends to last longer. Meanwhile Fi is down there somewhere, desperately running repairs.
This, and periods of Si-Fi looping, which is the messy part. At least when Te takes over, one is numb. I don't know what you posted, somI'm not sure if I'm responding appropriately.
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
MBTI Type
N/A
Enneagram
N/A
I did read your original post, and send you :hug: - the only reason I didn't reply was I wasn't sure at the time how candid I should be. Sometimes my INFP words sound harsh to hurting INFJ ones. If you put the post back up, I could gently and carefully share some thoughts on it though. Let me know.

Also, how are you doing, has anything improved in the last week? I can imagine it's very difficult having to see each other at work all the time.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I missed this thread somehow...or else I totally would have responded.....
 

Rim

New member
Joined
Oct 25, 2011
Messages
48
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Deleted to apparent lack of interest by members.

My Fi makes me feel so damn sad now.... ^^ hey [MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION].
 

TenebrousReflection

New member
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
449
MBTI Type
INFp
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
(disclaimer - I may later regret posting this and I may delete, it, so I'd appreciate it if its not quoted - thanks)

Since I can not see the original post, I cant comment on that, but my fiance recently decided that she wanted to be just friends and re-evaluate our relationship if/when I find full time employment again (due to me being unemployed and not being able to support her financially). Whether or not I'm actually an INFP is something I'll leave to the reader to decide, but I can comment on how its affected me (for reference sake - male - mid 30s).

My first reaction of course was to try to avoid breaking up, but with that failing, the next step was an instant plumet into depression which has been followed by mood swings between sadness (crying for hours), melancholy detachment (where I am at the moment - as CrystalViolet described it, Numb might also be a good description) , and anger with bitter cynicism (directed at third parties that I hold responsible in part ranging from those who I suspect may have encouraged her to break up with me to all of the obstructionsists preventing an economic recovery and the corporations that outsource jobs (if I were employed, this probably would never have happened)). When I am in agnry mode, I also become hyper critical of everything and sometimes I will verbally lash out and criticize/disect/pick apart any suggestion someone makes and often in a not so tactful way. I must be retaining at least some bit of rationality, because I do not blame the actual employers who have not hired me, because I recognize that a 2 year degree puts me at a severe disadvantage when there are many others out there with more education competing for the same jobs (even unskilled minimum wage jobs have people with bachelors and masters degrees applying for them on a regular basis where I live (we have 4 universities within 90 miles or less - when speaking to the manager for the last job I interviewd for, they had over 40 people that qualified for an interview and even more than that applied)).

I am unable to enjoy any forms of entertainment (even when I laugh it feels hollow and unsatisfying), I have next to no appetite and when I do eat, I often feel like I'm going to vomit. I feel like I've also lost my motiviation and its hard to focus on anythign productive for more than a couple minutes at a time - the only motivation I do have left comes from my angry moods. I feel a strong sense of despair, hopelessness and powerlessness. I've experienced depression (often related to relationships) in some form or another for various parts of my life (much of my late teens and early to mid 20s, then again in lesser ammounts in my early 30s) so the experience is not new to me, but I felt I had finally found someone who was right for me, and having that ripped away from me makes this feel even worse this time. Since economic factors contribute greatly to this situation, the results may be more skewed than a breakup where everythign else was fine, but I know based on past experiences, that depression is my primary reaction and if the relationship can not be salvaged, I expect it to take me years to get back to a semblance of normality.
 
Last edited:

redhotchips

New member
Joined
Nov 3, 2011
Messages
32
MBTI Type
INFP
Darn, also wish I had seen this thread earlier.

I'm going through the exact same thing (even though I can't read original post), but "ex" and I work at same workplace, in the same dept. (May change by end of year.)

I feel that after 3 weeks from the "ground zero" event, I'm SLOWLY detaching, but it doesn't help that we still interact and spend time alone. It's just rough because she "doesn't know" and is "confused" (ISTP female).

Any input would be appreciated!

Suffering INFPs need to stick together while no one else gets us!!!

I'm here if you guys need anything.
 

Razvan

New member
Joined
Aug 28, 2010
Messages
26
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9v8
[MENTION=1144]TenebrousReflection[/MENTION] : Damn, that must have been hard. All I have to say about your situation...maybe you are better off alone than in a relationship with someone who instead of supporting you spiritually through this hardship decides to bail out! WTF, what kind of love is that? Who can say that they love you but when the shit hits the fan run like hell. And this was your fiancee, meaning you were about to get married, you know, for better or worse, not just for the better. I know it's painful but there is a bright side to it, you got rid of someone who I think would not have deserved you or would not have truly loved you. Honestly I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a person like this...in fact, you've just made me make a test out of this, a test I'm gonna give to all my potential mates. I've been in her place, supporting my loved one and never once did I even made an issue out of this, because I loved her, I did however tried to help her find ways to improve her career.

I've been through several breakups and I did go through some of the stages mentioned as well as others, the numbness, the desperation, the hate, the hurt, the not-caring anymore, the hope and then the desperation again...it's never easy and it affects me from all points of view, I loose interest in many things, including my career because of that state of mind.
 

TenebrousReflection

New member
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
449
MBTI Type
INFp
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I can see her side of things, and I understand why she made the decision she did. The stress of me being jobless was affecting both her and I, and our relationship was slowly deteriorating - she saw that when I did not (I can see it now, but only after she pointed out several specific issues), and she felt it was best for both of us to not continue down that path, and she felt that breaking up was the only way to keep things from getting worse (being unemployed and not being able to support her is a very valid concern as well, but the effect that being unemployed was having on our relationship was a more valid reason - one I can understand). I think that if she would have addressed things more tactfully and diplomatically, it would have been a lot less painful for both her and I, but as humans, we loose that ability under stress, so its understandable even if it is regrettable.

She and I have talked a lot since then and have cleared up a lot of the misunderstandings that caused the situation to escalate to the point that it did, but clearing up misunderstandings has not been enough to bring us back where we once were, and I don't know if that will ever happen - we are still "just friends", but I still see enough positive change for both her and I to feel that there is reason for at least a little hope for the future.

Remember that my side of the story is by its nature going to be biased and I am not comfortable talking about all the little details that can add up to a lot, so please do not judge her for her decision. I still love her, and I still care for her, and I take partial blame for letting things get to the point they did, but if there is anything other than the economy to truely blame it is a lack of communication and misunderstandings, so I hope my troubles can be a constructive reminder to someone else of just how important communication is in a relationship.
 

xenaprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 7, 2011
Messages
5,178
MBTI Type
infp
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
that's awful, Tenebrous. I agree with Radvan...geez, what a time to bail on someone, but then, relationships are so darned complicated.

I hope everyone is all right. I also wish I'd seen the original post. I would have responded.
 

Failcakes

New member
Joined
Feb 16, 2012
Messages
8
MBTI Type
INFP
I wish I had seen that topic earlier and seen what you've written there! I wanted to make a similiar topic, anyway... Because my gf broke up with me too a few months ago. And for my part: I still am not fully over her. I just keep thinking of my past memories, and what I did last year together with her. It adds up that she tries to add me all once in a while again. (I broke up all contact with her, deleted her of my messengers and FB and everything) She tries to make contact, but everytime she makes me feel miserable by it. I recognized ever since the breakup, I seem to be a in a deep depression. I pretend to be happy on the outside (at college for example), even in family, because I know noone understands my pain and i don't want to bother anyone by it. On the other hand, I try to get over the depression, by going out to people and talk to them. I never used to talk so much to my college mates, as I do now. The only problem I face is: I don't seem to enjoy it at all. It doesn't "fullfill" me. I jsut can't relate to them. Must say that my ex was kind of like my best friend also, and I now kind of keep comparing other people to her... I sometimes shut all her bad sides out. (what is really stupid, I know!) Right now Life is for me only a task I have to accomplish, its not Fun as it used to be. its like all my deeper positive emotions died after the Breakup. I also turned MUCH more cynical, although not in Public... I just say these comments when talking to close friends or to my family... I think I have lost faith in humanity here. :/

I really hope you don't suffer these things though, and get better soon, whatever you posted here first! I'm sure for us both, that better times are to come! We just have to stay and hold out together! I mean, who knows what will be in a year? Maybe we'll even have a new love, or we'll be rich, or whatever! XD Just don't give up and try to distract yourself as good as possible. <3 I know it from myself, sulking on memories will only make you feel worse. :(
 

Mia.

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Messages
821
This, and periods of Si-Fi looping, which is the messy part. At least when Te takes over, one is numb. I don't know what you posted, somI'm not sure if I'm responding appropriately.

Fi-Si loop is the WORST..... ughhh.

I, too, wish I had read the original post.

@Tenebrous - I truly feel for you. If I say what I'm really thinking, you're going to be mad. And no, I'm sorry - you not being able to support her is not a valid reason for her behavior, and neither is a communication issue. We'll leave it at: that shit is messed up.
 

xenaprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 7, 2011
Messages
5,178
MBTI Type
infp
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
hugs, Failcakes.
I agree, sulking over memories is painful...do whatever works. For me, it was sulking until I couldn't sulk any more (and that was a lot of sulking!)
one day, you will just realize you're not sulking so much. It helps that Spring is on its way.

I do definitely suggest hitting the gym. Not just to get in shape for spring and the next person in your life ;), but, it's a nice regimen when you're single. It's an automatic way to STOP THINKING.

Go to the gym, pound it out on the treadmill or boxing bag. Sweat it out in the sauna. You never feel worse afterwards!!!
 
Top