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  1. #1
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Unhappy INFP Reaction to Break Up

    Deleted to apparent lack of interest by members.
    Last edited by Onceajoan; 10-14-2011 at 09:39 PM.
    What if everything's an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

  2. #2
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Te shutdown mode. Fi is overloaded so Te takes over. It's not hate or vindictiveness, usually, although it can be quite nasty and is often cold since it isn't a very developed function of ours. I suspect it's the infp equivalent of the intp Fe-explosion, except ime it tends to last longer. Meanwhile Fi is down there somewhere, desperately running repairs.

  3. #3
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    Te shutdown mode. Fi is overloaded so Te takes over. It's not hate or vindictiveness, usually, although it can be quite nasty and is often cold since it isn't a very developed function of ours. I suspect it's the infp equivalent of the intp Fe-explosion, except ime it tends to last longer. Meanwhile Fi is down there somewhere, desperately running repairs.
    This, and periods of Si-Fi looping, which is the messy part. At least when Te takes over, one is numb. I don't know what you posted, somI'm not sure if I'm responding appropriately.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #4
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    I did read your original post, and send you - the only reason I didn't reply was I wasn't sure at the time how candid I should be. Sometimes my INFP words sound harsh to hurting INFJ ones. If you put the post back up, I could gently and carefully share some thoughts on it though. Let me know.

    Also, how are you doing, has anything improved in the last week? I can imagine it's very difficult having to see each other at work all the time.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  5. #5
    Anew Leaf
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    Yes, I'll toss my two unicorn pennies in as well!

  6. #6
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I missed this thread somehow...or else I totally would have responded.....
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #7
    Member Rim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Deleted to apparent lack of interest by members.
    My Fi makes me feel so damn sad now.... ^^ hey @OrangeAppled.
    Enneagram: | 6w7 cp - 4w5 - 1w2 Sp/Sx/So | The Philosopher King

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  8. #8
    Senior Member TenebrousReflection's Avatar
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    (disclaimer - I may later regret posting this and I may delete, it, so I'd appreciate it if its not quoted - thanks)

    Since I can not see the original post, I cant comment on that, but my fiance recently decided that she wanted to be just friends and re-evaluate our relationship if/when I find full time employment again (due to me being unemployed and not being able to support her financially). Whether or not I'm actually an INFP is something I'll leave to the reader to decide, but I can comment on how its affected me (for reference sake - male - mid 30s).

    My first reaction of course was to try to avoid breaking up, but with that failing, the next step was an instant plumet into depression which has been followed by mood swings between sadness (crying for hours), melancholy detachment (where I am at the moment - as CrystalViolet described it, Numb might also be a good description) , and anger with bitter cynicism (directed at third parties that I hold responsible in part ranging from those who I suspect may have encouraged her to break up with me to all of the obstructionsists preventing an economic recovery and the corporations that outsource jobs (if I were employed, this probably would never have happened)). When I am in agnry mode, I also become hyper critical of everything and sometimes I will verbally lash out and criticize/disect/pick apart any suggestion someone makes and often in a not so tactful way. I must be retaining at least some bit of rationality, because I do not blame the actual employers who have not hired me, because I recognize that a 2 year degree puts me at a severe disadvantage when there are many others out there with more education competing for the same jobs (even unskilled minimum wage jobs have people with bachelors and masters degrees applying for them on a regular basis where I live (we have 4 universities within 90 miles or less - when speaking to the manager for the last job I interviewd for, they had over 40 people that qualified for an interview and even more than that applied)).

    I am unable to enjoy any forms of entertainment (even when I laugh it feels hollow and unsatisfying), I have next to no appetite and when I do eat, I often feel like I'm going to vomit. I feel like I've also lost my motiviation and its hard to focus on anythign productive for more than a couple minutes at a time - the only motivation I do have left comes from my angry moods. I feel a strong sense of despair, hopelessness and powerlessness. I've experienced depression (often related to relationships) in some form or another for various parts of my life (much of my late teens and early to mid 20s, then again in lesser ammounts in my early 30s) so the experience is not new to me, but I felt I had finally found someone who was right for me, and having that ripped away from me makes this feel even worse this time. Since economic factors contribute greatly to this situation, the results may be more skewed than a breakup where everythign else was fine, but I know based on past experiences, that depression is my primary reaction and if the relationship can not be salvaged, I expect it to take me years to get back to a semblance of normality.
    Last edited by TenebrousReflection; 11-06-2011 at 12:23 PM. Reason: re-worded a few minor details
    (keys2cognition) Fi (47.6), Ne (36.8), Fe (36.8), Si (31.6), Ti (29.7), Ni (27.4), Te (17.2) Se (12.5) - subject to change - last updated 11JAN2012
    * Making consicious effort to improve my Fe...
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  9. #9
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    Darn, also wish I had seen this thread earlier.

    I'm going through the exact same thing (even though I can't read original post), but "ex" and I work at same workplace, in the same dept. (May change by end of year.)

    I feel that after 3 weeks from the "ground zero" event, I'm SLOWLY detaching, but it doesn't help that we still interact and spend time alone. It's just rough because she "doesn't know" and is "confused" (ISTP female).

    Any input would be appreciated!

    Suffering INFPs need to stick together while no one else gets us!!!

    I'm here if you guys need anything.

  10. #10
    Junior Member Razvan's Avatar
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    @TenebrousReflection : Damn, that must have been hard. All I have to say about your situation...maybe you are better off alone than in a relationship with someone who instead of supporting you spiritually through this hardship decides to bail out! WTF, what kind of love is that? Who can say that they love you but when the shit hits the fan run like hell. And this was your fiancee, meaning you were about to get married, you know, for better or worse, not just for the better. I know it's painful but there is a bright side to it, you got rid of someone who I think would not have deserved you or would not have truly loved you. Honestly I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a person like this...in fact, you've just made me make a test out of this, a test I'm gonna give to all my potential mates. I've been in her place, supporting my loved one and never once did I even made an issue out of this, because I loved her, I did however tried to help her find ways to improve her career.

    I've been through several breakups and I did go through some of the stages mentioned as well as others, the numbness, the desperation, the hate, the hurt, the not-caring anymore, the hope and then the desperation again...it's never easy and it affects me from all points of view, I loose interest in many things, including my career because of that state of mind.

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