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  1. #11
    Senior Member TenebrousReflection's Avatar
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    I can see her side of things, and I understand why she made the decision she did. The stress of me being jobless was affecting both her and I, and our relationship was slowly deteriorating - she saw that when I did not (I can see it now, but only after she pointed out several specific issues), and she felt it was best for both of us to not continue down that path, and she felt that breaking up was the only way to keep things from getting worse (being unemployed and not being able to support her is a very valid concern as well, but the effect that being unemployed was having on our relationship was a more valid reason - one I can understand). I think that if she would have addressed things more tactfully and diplomatically, it would have been a lot less painful for both her and I, but as humans, we loose that ability under stress, so its understandable even if it is regrettable.

    She and I have talked a lot since then and have cleared up a lot of the misunderstandings that caused the situation to escalate to the point that it did, but clearing up misunderstandings has not been enough to bring us back where we once were, and I don't know if that will ever happen - we are still "just friends", but I still see enough positive change for both her and I to feel that there is reason for at least a little hope for the future.

    Remember that my side of the story is by its nature going to be biased and I am not comfortable talking about all the little details that can add up to a lot, so please do not judge her for her decision. I still love her, and I still care for her, and I take partial blame for letting things get to the point they did, but if there is anything other than the economy to truely blame it is a lack of communication and misunderstandings, so I hope my troubles can be a constructive reminder to someone else of just how important communication is in a relationship.
    (keys2cognition) Fi (47.6), Ne (36.8), Fe (36.8), Si (31.6), Ti (29.7), Ni (27.4), Te (17.2) Se (12.5) - subject to change - last updated 11JAN2012
    * Making consicious effort to improve my Fe...
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  2. #12
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    that's awful, Tenebrous. I agree with Radvan...geez, what a time to bail on someone, but then, relationships are so darned complicated.

    I hope everyone is all right. I also wish I'd seen the original post. I would have responded.

  3. #13
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    I wish I had seen that topic earlier and seen what you've written there! I wanted to make a similiar topic, anyway... Because my gf broke up with me too a few months ago. And for my part: I still am not fully over her. I just keep thinking of my past memories, and what I did last year together with her. It adds up that she tries to add me all once in a while again. (I broke up all contact with her, deleted her of my messengers and FB and everything) She tries to make contact, but everytime she makes me feel miserable by it. I recognized ever since the breakup, I seem to be a in a deep depression. I pretend to be happy on the outside (at college for example), even in family, because I know noone understands my pain and i don't want to bother anyone by it. On the other hand, I try to get over the depression, by going out to people and talk to them. I never used to talk so much to my college mates, as I do now. The only problem I face is: I don't seem to enjoy it at all. It doesn't "fullfill" me. I jsut can't relate to them. Must say that my ex was kind of like my best friend also, and I now kind of keep comparing other people to her... I sometimes shut all her bad sides out. (what is really stupid, I know!) Right now Life is for me only a task I have to accomplish, its not Fun as it used to be. its like all my deeper positive emotions died after the Breakup. I also turned MUCH more cynical, although not in Public... I just say these comments when talking to close friends or to my family... I think I have lost faith in humanity here. :/

    I really hope you don't suffer these things though, and get better soon, whatever you posted here first! I'm sure for us both, that better times are to come! We just have to stay and hold out together! I mean, who knows what will be in a year? Maybe we'll even have a new love, or we'll be rich, or whatever! XD Just don't give up and try to distract yourself as good as possible. <3 I know it from myself, sulking on memories will only make you feel worse.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by CrystalViolet View Post
    This, and periods of Si-Fi looping, which is the messy part. At least when Te takes over, one is numb. I don't know what you posted, somI'm not sure if I'm responding appropriately.
    Fi-Si loop is the WORST..... ughhh.

    I, too, wish I had read the original post.

    @Tenebrous - I truly feel for you. If I say what I'm really thinking, you're going to be mad. And no, I'm sorry - you not being able to support her is not a valid reason for her behavior, and neither is a communication issue. We'll leave it at: that shit is messed up.

  5. #15
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    hugs, Failcakes.
    I agree, sulking over memories is painful...do whatever works. For me, it was sulking until I couldn't sulk any more (and that was a lot of sulking!)
    one day, you will just realize you're not sulking so much. It helps that Spring is on its way.

    I do definitely suggest hitting the gym. Not just to get in shape for spring and the next person in your life , but, it's a nice regimen when you're single. It's an automatic way to STOP THINKING.

    Go to the gym, pound it out on the treadmill or boxing bag. Sweat it out in the sauna. You never feel worse afterwards!!!

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