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[NF] NF men, don't you ever wish you weren't so empathetic?

R

Riva

Guest
That you were less understanding and maybe it's better being jerky?

That your empathetic nature is holding you down?

And also,

MBTI makes you realize this even more?
 

wolfy

awsm
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Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
I don't know about you Riva but I feel for them that feel this way. Yes I do.
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
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Nov 26, 2008
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9,625
MBTI Type
ENFP
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5w4
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sx/sp
yes and no
empathy requires you to recognize a part of yourself in the other person, and this is something I didn't used to like to do because I would rather paint myself as a righteous, superior aristocrat; however, my empathetic side has forced me not only to understand others, but to look inward and discover my own similarities with them. this has forced me to face my demons where I might otherwise ignore them. without empathy, I would have a falsely high opinion; empathy allows me to have a genuinely high opinion of myself and more tolerance and exceptance of others
 

Wanderer

New member
Joined
Feb 28, 2011
Messages
157
MBTI Type
INFJ
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6w5
That you were less understanding and maybe it's better being jerky?
That your empathetic nature is holding you down?
And also,
MBTI makes you realize this even more?

Yes and Yes.
And undoubtedly. Jackasses get farther and more out of life than nice guys.
Ehhhh I always knew I was at a disadvantage with this. MBTI just was like "YEP! There is it is!"

Being highly empathic coupled with my naturally high/deep emotional sensitivity got me singled out as a "wuss" when I was younger.
I try my very best to keep it hidden/under wraps.
It makes it quite hard to say "no" to people if I see a need, and it's hard to fight the impulse to help. Sometimes my help is not wanted
 

Qlip

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Meh, it's not near debilitating as you think it is. And.. I can kick your ass, Riva. :D <-- That's my ENTP impersonation.
 

Rail Tracer

Freaking Ratchet
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Jun 29, 2010
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Yes, yes, and yes.

I think, however, that I am being a bit more comfortable with it.
 

Oaky

Travelling mind
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Jan 15, 2009
Messages
6,180
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INTJ
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5w6
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sp/so
That you were less understanding and maybe it's better being jerky?

That your empathetic nature is holding you down?

And also,

MBTI makes you realize this even more?
This can't be applied typically to all NFs. FPs and FJs are the difference in this such case and so empathetic anchoring falls to Fi where Sympathetic adherence falls to Fe.

In one-to-one situations Fi users will speak to an individual and fully empathise and understand what the individual would be going through but would not be able to show strong affection to the other individual many times.

As for the Fe user, they may not feel as the other person does with empathy and so their understanding comes from the emotion shown at the given time allowing them to be able to sympathise and care for the other.
 

BAJ

New member
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Jun 29, 2008
Messages
626
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ISFP
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4w5
I don't know how "empathetic" I am, but every time I've tried to be an asshole it has failed. Thus, emulating some form of aggressive management style always seems to make my life counter-productive and unbearable.

But YES sometimes I wish I could be a better liar and a dick, since that seems to be a sexually attractive to people. /40 year old virgin.
 

entropie

Permabanned
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This can't be applied typically to all NFs. FPs and FJs are the difference in this such case and so empathetic anchoring falls to Fi where Sympathetic adherence falls to Fe.

In one-to-one situations Fi users will speak to an individual and fully empathise and understand what the individual would be going through but would not be able to show strong affection to the other individual many times.

As for the Fe user, they may not feel as the other person does with empathy and so their understanding comes from the emotion shown at the given time allowing them to be able to sympathise and care for the other.

I agree, I dont have the impression as well that NF people are automatically empathic. Most of them, on the contrary, rather appear to be slow on the uptake
 

Richardsen

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IxFP
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sx/sp
I agree, I dont have the impression as well that NF people are automatically empathic. Most of them, on the contrary, rather appear to be slow on the uptake

I agree too.
I am an INFP and I think that this type it's kinda prone to be self-absorbed.

I feel empathy very often, but I am not a charitable and altruistic person.
It's hard for me to understand the feelings of a person when I am upset or hurt by him. I think this is very Fi
 

Qlip

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The interesting about empathy in me is that when I'm having a rough time, my first instinct is to not feel sorry for myself and get back in the game. So if I empathise with somebody else who is having a rough time my first instinct is to tell them to stop feeling sorry for themselves and get back in the game. I'm getting better with understand that people process differently, but empathy doesn't make me any less jerky.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
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Mar 4, 2009
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INFP
The types that (allegedly) have the most ‘mirror neurons’ are ENFJ and INFP, in that order.
 

Turtledove

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How dare you men think so low of yourself! I'd rather a tough, tenderhearted teddy bear than a punk, thug action figure! :nono:

Edit: I'm not trying to be ugly. It's just that maybe I'm not getting why you guys are selling yourself short when you shouldn't be. Maybe it's just an assertion issue. (Thankyou Evan.) Or maybe a fear of getting hurt, too.
 
Last edited:

redacted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,223
I've gotten better at asserting myself, but I still constantly wonder if I did the right thing right after making a stand. It's less crippling for me now than it once was, but I have a long path ahead of me -- one day I hope to be comfortable with extraverting my preferences.

I look at other people and am constantly awed by how easy it is for them to say what they want and not spend hours agonizing over everything afterward. There are a few people I know that seem as sensitive in this regard as I am, but it can't be more than 1/20.

So, yeah. It's really annoying.

Another interesting part of it is that I've gotten really good at putting on a face -- what I mean is, I don't think most people I interact with have any idea what's going on behind the scenes. I somehow look like I don't have this problem, which is a double edged sword.
 

William K

Uniqueorn
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Aug 13, 2009
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4w5
I've gotten better at asserting myself, but I still constantly wonder if I did the right thing right after making a stand. It's less crippling for me now than it once was, but I have a long path ahead of me -- one day I hope to be comfortable with extraverting my preferences.

Agreed 100%. That self-censor, self-critic can be tuned out but never be silenced
 

animenagai

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Aug 22, 2008
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I think there's 2 different questions being asked here. Do I hope to be less empathetic? No, I very much value empathy, I think it should be a trait everyone has. Do I wish that I can shrug of the bad stuff more? Yes, but that's not exactly empathy. Sorry if I misunderstood your question, but if you're only worried about part 1 of my answer then my answer is no. Hell no.
 

Lily flower

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Yes, oh how I wish I could be more of a T sometimes. I wouldn't want to hurt somebody, but it would be really helpful not to feel people's emotions so much.
 

nomoreshallwepart

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Aug 12, 2011
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INFJ
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I sometimes wish I could turn it on/off, sometimes it's totally pointless to care what other people might be feeling about something insignificant. At other times it motivates and inspires me.

I often feel my touchy feely side stops me from being "one of the lads" in certain circles but then it's also nice to be different.
 
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