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  1. #1
    Anew Leaf
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    Default NF's + Marriage + Family

    A friend of mine asked me recently if I ever want to have kids, and I said that that wasn't particularly relevent. (Go go gadget NF overcomplicating things!) She was confused, and so I explained my thought process. (I thought I would post here to see if other NF's think similarly to me, or if I am out of my melon mind.)

    Basically I don't think about if I want to have kids or not because I have prerequisites that would need to be fulfilled before kids:

    1- I would have to be with the right person in a committed relationship/marriage.
    2- We would both have to want to have a child or two.

    I feel that if I make me wanting to have a kid come first... then I am just going to leap on the first guy who is sort of ok but also wants kids... Instead of finding someone that I am truly compatible with on a multitude of levels, and is "right" for me... Then we can figure out if we want to be parents together or not.

    The End.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    I think exactly as you do, which is why I never had any. I agree that wanting a baby is putting the cart before the horse.

  3. #3
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Makes sense to me, although I understand that other people might operate in a different order.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #4
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Makes sense to me, although I understand that other people might operate in a different order.
    Oh yes, to each their own. I just was curious as to whether I am weird or not. Well, I know I am weird (that goes without saying really), but you know (because you are also kind of weird) and stuff.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    I think exactly as you do, which is why I never had any. I agree that wanting a baby is putting the cart before the horse.
    Exactly! *pictures tiny baby pulling cart and giggles*

  5. #5
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Basically I don't think about if I want to have kids or not because I have prerequisites that would need to be fulfilled before kids:

    1- I would have to be with the right person in a committed relationship/marriage.
    2- We would both have to want to have a child or two.

    I feel that if I make me wanting to have a kid come first... then I am just going to leap on the first guy who is sort of ok but also wants kids... Instead of finding someone that I am truly compatible with on a multitude of levels, and is "right" for me... Then we can figure out if we want to be parents together or not.
    Yup, I think very similarly. If that's "weird" then I don't want to be normal.

    I've never been the sort of person who carries around a specific picture or plan for the rest of my life, and I don't ever want to be. There's more than one way to experience satisfaction or a sense of purpose in life. If the stars don't align (so to speak) for kids, I can always do something else with myself. I don't see the point in deciding I just have to have kids, no matter what, and bending the rest of my life around that.

  6. #6
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Completely different for me.
    I was pretty decided that i didnt ever want to have children in the natural way and that i wanted to adopt...right up until i met Mr.Wrong, who i thought was Mr.Right. I fell madly and wildly in love and within two years fell pregnant (much befor i was supposed to) with my first born. I was shocked to find out i was pregnant as i was told it would take around a year to concieve.
    I had a planned unplanned pregnancy....baby number two was even more of a shock and Mr.Wrong had become ever wronger but i was already four months pregnant when i found out and the idea of aborting was inconcievable.
    I have had two serious relationships since i finally kicked Mr.Wrong back into nonsense land.
    I am now with Mr.Perfectionist who is not Mr.Perfect but we are working on it...and me?
    Why i'm little Miss.Sunshine
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  7. #7
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I think the same. First I have to be in a relationship with the right person before I think about this question together with my partner. Not only because I think that would make the most sense to me (I do), but also because that task alone seems so far hard enough to achieve that any thoughts beyond that currently are just so far away from me.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    I guess you're weird, but it's not like you don't have company, put it that way. A lot of people ask me why I don't have kids and am not married, and just act like it's the most incomprehensible thing in the universe. I've never understood why it's so weird. It's just something I had exacting standards for and would not compromise. The first thing on my list was I had to be able to support them on my own. I worked for Child Support Enforcement briefly when I was 19 and it made a big impression on me, women who couldn't support themselves, with kids they couldn't support. By the time I was making enough money, I had lost interest in having kids. That's one thing. The other thing was, my husband turned out to have a violent temper. He hit the cat so hard he slammed him into the wall and hurt him. No way I was having kids with him. So ... that's how the cookie crumbled. I wanted children but not unless I could give them a decent situation. It's not like the world comes to an end if a few of us don't breed.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Adasta's Avatar
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    @Saturned

    You are not an E6, I take it.
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  10. #10
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    @Saturned

    You are not an E6, I take it.
    I am not... I am E4... 9.... 5...... or something...

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