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  1. #11
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    @Saturned

    You are not an E6, I take it.
    Explain the relevance, because I'm e6 and I pretty much agree with @Saturned.

    I do worry sometimes about "dying alone" and that sort of thing and I worry about whether I'll find a lasting relationship. But I haven't staked my happiness on getting married. As for kids, I don't seem to have much of a natural desire for them. I would definitely think only in terms of "maybe it could happen if I found the right guy, and we both wanted kids." Though I tend to feel like I would rather be happily childlessly married, but I know that can change when you're with someone you love. But I would rather be single and even not entirely happy (ideally happy and content, but that's not always possible) than unhappily married. And fortunately my parents don't pressure me to get married and start a family, they just want me to be as happy as possible.

    The only thing I would say is that this is probably a bit age- dependent or related. I'm 32. In other words, if I wanted to have kids I would have to think about it relatively soon. This has occurred to me a number of times lately. Not in a sort of "oh noooo, biological clock" way, because I honestly think I'm less drawn to babies and children than many or most women. Just in a sort of...hmm, my options are closing down a little bit way. Which isn't the most wonderful thought even if I'm not dying to have kids.
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    I DOORSLAMMING

  2. #12
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    I always wanted a very large family of children, but it didn't make me jump on the first guy who was available.

  3. #13
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    @Saturned

    You are not an E6, I take it.
    what does this mean?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #14
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    I agree with the majority of writers here. Finding Miss Right is my biggest wish right now but I can't really think about whether I really want children before I have found the one to possibly have them with.
    INTJ, HSP, 1w9 or tritype 154, sx/sp

  5. #15
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    It's just something I had exacting standards for and would not compromise. The first thing on my list was I had to be able to support them on my own. I worked for Child Support Enforcement briefly when I was 19 and it made a big impression on me, women who couldn't support themselves, with kids they couldn't support. By the time I was making enough money, I had lost interest in having kids.

    I wanted children but not unless I could give them a decent situation.
    i think along the same lines. there are mandatories
    that have to be met before i consciously bring another
    person into this world. i want to be able to give them
    the same opportunities i was given but i have to be able
    to take care of them on my own. it was drilled into my
    head to never depend on other people.

    if i had an unplanned pregnancy, and at this age,
    i would keep it. but everything would be more reactive.
    i'm even more afraid that there might be shades of
    resentment in the mix too. i don't know. so i prevent
    it anyway i can.

    if i was ready. and i wanted to share my life
    with someone who will be so dependent on
    me for like the next 18 years then... omg
    i don't even want to think about it.

    i do think i'd make a really good aunt. and
    i'm my best friend's children's godmother.
    and that's just fantastic. i just spoil them
    rotten.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  6. #16
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    I'm so relieved to read other people hold the same opinion! I get rather tired of being seen as odd, for being single and childless at my age. It's not that I don't want those things, but ideally I do not want to be raising a child by myself, and I want a partner who is at least an equal. I don't want to settle.
    However if I inadvertently fall pregnant, I would keep it. I've come to think I'm unusually independent. This isn't to besmirch those that go down the well trodden path...I'm rather envious of them, it just seems that isn't my destiny.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #17
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    I'm so relieved to read other people hold the same opinion! I get rather tired of being seen as odd, for being single and childless at my age. It's not that I don't want those things, but ideally I do not want to be raising a child by myself, and I want a partner who is at least an equal. I don't want to settle.
    However if I inadvertently fall pregnant, I would keep it. I've come to think I'm unusually independent. This isn't to besmirch those that go down the well trodden path...I'm rather envious of them, it just seems that isn't my destiny.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #18
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Happy Parents (Both!) ---> Happy Marriage (A "Virtual Entity, but Very Real!) ---> Happy Children

    (1) You can't have a happy marriage if either spouse is unhappy in the long term.

    (2) You can't have happy children if the marriage of the parents is in havoc for the long term.

    (3) That's why it's NOT SELFISH for each spouse to maintain their own personal needs for happiness, because it contributes to a happy marriage, and thus results in happy children.

    That's what works for my wife and so far as keeping things real on all levels.
    No one wants to be unhappy! Life is too short!!!



    -Alex
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  9. #19
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    A friend of mine asked me recently if I ever want to have kids, and I said that that wasn't particularly relevent. (Go go gadget NF overcomplicating things!) She was confused, and so I explained my thought process. (I thought I would post here to see if other NF's think similarly to me, or if I am out of my melon mind.)

    Basically I don't think about if I want to have kids or not because I have prerequisites that would need to be fulfilled before kids:

    1- I would have to be with the right person in a committed relationship/marriage.
    2- We would both have to want to have a child or two.

    I feel that if I make me wanting to have a kid come first... then I am just going to leap on the first guy who is sort of ok but also wants kids... Instead of finding someone that I am truly compatible with on a multitude of levels, and is "right" for me... Then we can figure out if we want to be parents together or not.

    The End.

    BINGBINGBINGBINGBINGBING!!

    YOU R WINNAH!!

    Yes, this is pretty much how i feel about it.

    Although for many years i was adamantly NO KIDS.

    Now, as i'm getting older i'm more open to the idea of it, in the right circumstances, with the right person.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  10. #20
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Oh me too... loads and loads of kids running riot, huge family mealtimes where everyone piches in,
    busy and noisy and love
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

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