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  1. #1
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Default Drama can be boring

    I was rambling on about drama/dramatic people on one of the blogs and I thought it might be worth a thread. (Or not - let's see how it goes!)

    Most of my closer friends are kind of like me - pretty low-key and low-drama, although aware of the difficulties of life and in some cases having had quite a lot of dramatic things happen, but not pursuing it, and trying to handle it in a low-key way.

    However, I also have a few friends who seem to pursue it or generate it, and if things go quiet for a bit it's actually a bit of a bad sign because they're liable to explode in some predictably dramatic way at any moment.

    I'm realising that I'm starting to find this not only draining but boring. It's like, here we go again. It's a lot more fun with the friends who keep it pretty low-key generally - while we're there for each other with the heavy stuff if needed, we honestly deal with most of our stuff on our own and it's not hugely dramatic. When I see them, we're mostly doing something interesting and fun together based on shared interests and compatible personalities. Whereas with the dramatic people, it's all about them (too much drama for them to be convincingly interested in anything I'm interested in) and after you've known them for a while and similar issues have arisen again and again, it feels like same old same old. I know that might make me sound cruel and dismissive. I try to be supportive but I've taken a bit of a step back, basically. I wouldn't actually say "same old same old". But I can't help feeling it inside, and it's made me jaded with the whole thing, and it's created distance.

    I guess I've just always come at it from the "this is draining" perspective, so it was interesting to realise that I'm also getting bored by it. I mean, I think people may pursue drama because it's kind of been the norm in their life, or it's how they continue to feel alive, even if the "alive" is something painful (the brother of one of my most drama-prone friends has described her as a masochist.) But personally I find life interesting when there's a meeting of the minds, when you are emotionally compatible with someone, when you can have lively discussions about shared interests or discover new things through each other, when you can do fun things together. Not when there's always crashing waves of emotion and "she stabbed me in the back" and "my love life is like Romeo and Juliet" 24/7. I might as well acknowledge that I haven't had the kind of life where having drama feels like the norm. So it's harder for me to understand. And yeah. Boring.

    It's probably going to be pointed out that I sound condescending...I'm sure I kind of do. But hey, I sometimes get condescended to by the dramatic people for not having had enough of a life. Far from the case, actually. It's not all about maximizing your pain and suffering.
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  2. #2
    Just a statistic rhinosaur's Avatar
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    Yeah, it drains me too. Although usually instead of feeling bored by it I just get annoyed. One thing I've noticed is they think the drama is never their fault, when really it usually is.

  3. #3
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhinosaur View Post
    Yeah, it drains me too. Although usually instead of feeling bored by it I just get annoyed. One thing I've noticed is they think the drama is never their fault, when really it usually is.
    I have a feeling that at this point it's a combination of boredom and annoyance.

    It's true that there is a tendency for people to not be self-aware in these situations. I can think of another friend who doesn't come across as drama-prone...but she'd have reason to be if she wanted to go down that road; she went through a horrible divorce, various betrayals by friends related to that, has a crazily drama-prone family, etc. And yet, in the few years I've known her she just has almost never come across as "dramatic". Stressed out some of the time, yes, but generally I found her pretty relaxing to be around. But she kept a lot of it to herself (I was a bit astonished when she started opening up more about her life) and crucially, didn't pursue more of it. She was obviously making efforts in the other direction, to keep things on an even keel.

    I know I shouldn't judge (I always say that when I'm judging, haha.) But it does seem like some people manage to deal with even a high level of drama without being "dramatic" and generating more. So I've found among other things that I have less sympathy now for those who pursue it relentlessly.
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  4. #4
    Just a statistic rhinosaur's Avatar
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    Yep, I have little sympathy for those who consistently try to stir up shit because they crave the attention/chaos/emotional outpouring. For the record when I said "it's their fault" I didn't mean to imply that people who have suffered through terrible events are to blame for those events. Rather, "it's their fault" when even little things (OMG YOU DIDN'T START THE DISHWASHER) tend to get blown out of proportion. If it's every once in a while -- OK, you were having a bad day, I forgive you and hope you do the same for me. If it's every time I see you -- you're a drama queen and you need to stop.

  5. #5
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I agree, terrible events can happen to anyone and are terrible... However, when people consistently go for relationships that are virtually doomed to failure or at least extreme hardship, and that sort of thing, I ultimately start to have less sympathy when the person complains AGAIN about the hardship/failure. And yeah, drama over tiny things...argh.

    I realised this is a bit of a dead end thread though. I just seem to be in need of venting over this type of situation. It's a bit hard to know what to do when I've already stepped back somewhat but still frustrated and, well, bored by all this stuff. Sigh.
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  6. #6
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rhinosaur View Post
    Yep, I have little sympathy for those who consistently try to stir up shit because they crave the attention/chaos/emotional outpouring.
    One of my friend who's an ENTJ just 'loves' to stir up drama between two friends and always attempt to make one of them jealous purely for the sake of attention. She's also extremely jealous when her friends were close with each other but herself.

    If it's not for the long friendship that I've been keeping with her, I swear I would rather want to cut her out of my life.

    Though there were many moments that she proved to be quite caring individual, I just hope she can control herself emotionally a bit more.

  7. #7
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I know I shouldn't judge (I always say that when I'm judging, haha.) But it does seem like some people manage to deal with even a high level of drama without being "dramatic" and generating more. So I've found among other things that I have less sympathy now for those who pursue it relentlessly.
    Also, most drama stems from a direct reflection of incompatibility, of personalities or values, imo.

    There are quite a few people (ESFP, INFJ, ENFJ, ISFP in particular) that I had never experience any dramas. Though this ESFP is a VERY dramatic person (toward her sibling, parents, and a few friends) but we never had any major episodes (besides disagreement). Thus I don't think it's really type-related but more of an issue of mutual compatibility.

  8. #8
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    ^ Crescent: do you mean by "compatibility" that one person might find what someone else is doing/talking about to be ok and not too "dramatic", while another person (with a less compatible personality) will find the drama, well, too dramatic?

    I'd have mixed feelings about that. It certainly may be that one person's drama is another person's interesting life, but the people I've known who've been high-drama...well, I tend to be one of the few putting up with them and hanging in there, while others tell me to walk away...so they're obviously seen as drama queens to many...

    It certainly seems there was a lot of drama about the forum today...
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  9. #9
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    To the original post: What do you mean by drama?

  10. #10
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    ^ In the case of the person I was mainly thinking of: going from one doomed relationship to another, getting upset because some people criticise these unwise decisions, not learning anything from past experience and always thinking this is the time true love will sort it out, practicalities be damned. Etc.

    Making mountains out of molehills, like the woman I know who will yell "YOU ALWAYS BANG THE POTS! YOU KNOW I HATE THAT!" at her husband when he bangs the pots a little.

    Sending an email saying "you ended our last chat session with an ellipsis...you made me feel like I was a nuisance and you didn't care!" (I wish I was making this example up.)

    Being infatuated with people and then falling out with them in spectacularly emotion-hemorrhaging ways.

    That sort of thing...
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