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  1. #21
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
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    I usually get that bored/annoyed feeling whenever I sense someone is fishing for a specific sort of reaction from me. I've written on here before (on @SilkRoad 's thread about genuine self-esteem vs. arrogance) about people who are narcissistic and interact with others mainly to get admiration; when it seems like someone is doing that I find it dull, irritating and sort of invasive (since they've already decided what my opinion, thoughts and feelings are supposed to be). When someone is being a drama queen and is clearly trying to get others to act as a source of pity, sympathy, or fascination I feel similarly. In each case, they've decided beforehand how I'm supposed to respond and are trying to stage manage me into it. I hate that.

    (also noticed people are experiencing drama queen/king types as "energy vampires", people who "drain" you....I've always found narcissism or pushing for admiration similarly tiring)

    Another thing this brought to mind: I read a book called 'Lip Service', which discussed the ways in which women are expected to be superior to men (more virtuous, more nurturing, better at relationships and intimacy, etc.), and the effect these expectations have on women. One thing the author discussed is the idea that self-disclosure, talking about your vulnerable feelings, is the hallmark of intimacy, and women are supposed to be good at this. So talking about their problems, sometimes dramatizing them and making them seem worse than they are, often becomes a central feature in women's friendships. It's not that sharing your problems is a bad thing; it can be wonderful. But if it's the main way friends feel close to each other, when "feeling bad is fused with feeling connected", there can be problems. She mentioned that this sort of friendship could often use other ways of feeling close, some of which SilkRoad mentioned: shared activity, interesting discussion, etc.

    I don't see anything wrong with being bored by it. It is boring. *shrug*

  2. #22
    Senior Member Idealatious's Avatar
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    I like being around dramatic people for short periods of time. Those drama queens with senses of humor, I will specify. So I can say "You're so dramatic" while listening to their stories and romantic woes. But let's have these interactions in a short, contained, and infrequent times - so I can leave before it gets boring.

    I guess I don't mean the kind of "dark drama" that some people are talking about. Nothing dangerous for me, please.

  3. #23
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I don't like drama, the kind the OP is referring to anyway (I do like theatrical drama; on the stage, in a song, through a dance, an fashion statement even, etc.). That's a big part of why I avoid conflict. It just seems to lead to unnecessary drama. Real life drama is either stressful, distracting from more important stuff, or yes, just plain boring. Some people seem to think a lack of drama in life means that their life is not interesting, but I struggle to see why drama is the main way to create interesting lives.... It's seem unimaginative & small-minded.

    Strangely enough, when I have friends who are drama magnets, I never have drama with them. I'm convinced that drama magnets are not just victims of circumstance either. Some cause it either directly or indirectly. Why they don't stir any with me is unknown. Maybe it takes two to drama-tango. I'd like to think there are some invisible signals being picked up on which say "I don't engage in drama".
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  4. #24
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    ^ Crescent: do you mean by "compatibility" that one person might find what someone else is doing/talking about to be ok and not too "dramatic", while another person (with a less compatible personality) will find the drama, well, too dramatic?
    No, I didn't mean the overall difference of emotional state but more of the core difference of the way we think, analyze, or preceive things.

    I think the recent threads targeting on how Fe is being fake and Fi is being selfish is a perfect illustration of my point.

    In the end, it'll be quite difficult to achieve the same mental wavelength between a Fe and Fi users.

    Though a Fe vs. Fe or Fi vs. Fi drama is a different story. If taken precaution, I think people tend to learn more about themselves or others from Fe vs. Fi dramas whereas Fe/Fi vs. Fi/Fe can be emotionally nerve-wrecking.

  5. #25
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    No, I didn't mean the overall difference of emotional state but more of the core difference of the way we think, analyze, or preceive things.

    I think the recent threads targeting on how Fe is being fake and Fi is being selfish is a perfect illustration of my point.

    In the end, it'll be quite difficult to achieve the same mental wavelength between a Fe and Fi users.

    Though a Fe vs. Fe or Fi vs. Fi drama is a different story. If taken precaution, I think people tend to learn more about themselves or others from Fe vs. Fi dramas whereas Fe/Fi vs. Fi/Fe can be emotionally nerve-wrecking.
    This is interesting, because I am pretty sure that the two most drama-prone people in my life right now are both Fi dom/aux...

    To be fair, another one who definitely comes to mind (who I don't see that much of these days) is an Fe dom (ESFJ).

    (Does anyone have any interesting stories about drama-prone Te/Ti doms...? )
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  6. #26
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    ^ I know a few ISTPs who have drama, but I'd attribute it to following Se impulses too much. They always seem to be getting into trouble & crossing boundaries, be it with relationships or even the law. I'm not friends with these people, so I only see this from a distance, but it appears drama follows them at every turn.

    Frankly, the people I've known with the most drama are almost always SPs, especially Se-dom (yes, ESTPs included). It seems like these people act without thinking a lot...They also seem to crave excitement at any cost. I wouldn't be surprised if many of these are 7w6s. To me, the drama magnets of the enneagram are 7w6 & 2w3.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #27
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Not giving away so much energy: yes. Such people are often energy vampires too, I'm afraid.

    I think you have a point about some craving it because they don't want to be "normal". My friend of the fatal relationship pattern is an enneagram 4 for sure (not saying all 4s are like this, at all. But taken to an extreme I can see it.) I think there can be something of the "my life is so fatally different, like a movie" sort of thing. I'm just starting to find it terribly...teenage?

    I'd actually like to think I'm a relatively good example myself of having had an interesting life, but low-drama. So it is possible.
    Hmm, energy vampires .. They make me retreat so darn quickly. Also the negative vampires, it's like they suck the essence of life from the core of your very being. I'm aware everyone has negative moments, but constantly, that has to be a burden on the soul.

    I find unhealthy E4's (this is only from my perspective knowing 2 people who are possibly E4's), it's like they almost revel in sadness and don't necessarily look for ways to get out of their despair. This makes no sense to be as why would someone want to live in despair?

    I'm aware in a lot of cases one's drama is the result of having the test then learning the lesson, and there is no better way to suceed than where you have previously failed but why not try and learn from it. Or if you are following the patterns/beliefs you've held your entire life, maybe it's time for new ones .. I'm rambling on this evening

    Good for you darling
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