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  1. #1

    Default I need help with self control at the level of sensitivity

    As a biochemical apparatus, I am extremely sensitive and it doesn't take much to trigger a severe swing in my mood. I shift to extremes of anger, hatred or disgust, or bitterness, aimed at myself or others depending on the context. Being well familiar with myself and this issue, I remain pretty aware of how it is I'm being, and that I don't approve. But I also feel stuck there. Disagreeing with my emotions philosophically doesn't rid me of the chemical circumstance I've been set into. And it takes way too long to dissipate, especially completely. My mood is absolutely ruined and I am also feeling doubly upset or ashamed of myself for being built this way. I can't stand being out of control over my self like this because it means I'm not even myself, or at least certainly no self I approve of or elsewise ever intend to be. It's unhealthy for me and I'm not treating myself nicely at all during. And I'm so, so much less kind and considerate of anyone else while I'm being this explosively emotional narcissist.

    Sometimes I try to interfere with it by firmly disapproving of it, rebuking it as though it just isn't there because I think it's completely stupid and I want no part of it. But it really is there and I can't make it go away other than to wait it out. It seems like after I've been triggered, that's it, I'm just going to become some coarse emotional extreme and rot in my discontentment like a child.

    It's so humiliating to be going through that and watching yourself the entire time, so disapproving. And this really interferes with my functionality at times.

    The problem seems to be more about my sensitivity that takes place in a flash, and severely, rather than the context of whatever it is that I even am feeling. Sometimes while playing a competitive sport that I take quite seriously, I make a mistake, or something surprises me, and it jolts my mood and gives me a ton of anxiety and panic that remains with me even after the issue has been taken care of. And because of that emotional state, I proceed to make countless mistakes that are so beneath my actual proficiency, often causing me to lose. I am then extremely upset with myself for playing so poorly when I spend so much time working to be someone so much better than that.

    At that point, I'm extremely disgusted with myself for basically being an idiot. Then I'm disgusted with myself for being this emotional and out of control, internally lashing out at these things that really I should be able to take in stride 100% of the time. Then I just detach myself from the circumstance where things began and try to wait it out, blanking my mind a bit or distracting myself with other things, getting some fresh air etc. But it fades so slowly sstill and I end up circling back around to disapproving of myself for being this way in entirety.

    I don't know what to do. I think it's a really pathetic issue, especially at twenty five. It causes me to disrespect myself as a person, directly impacting my esteem. But the more pressing issue is the hazard that I become to myself and others while in the midst of this issue.

    Sometimes I think I should just commit completely to meditating when this starts to happen because I have no other idea how to try and completely interfere with this. And even that idea is so embarassing to me, to have to be someone so out of c ontrol of themselves that at times they have to detach from everything - even their social settings or engagements, to focus really hard on keeping some basic self-control. That's so pathetic to me. I don't want to be that kind of person. I don't approve of somebody like that; they aren't even safe to be around and I wouldn't trust their flimsy fail-safe of meditating or whatever.

    If only I could avoid being triggered in the first place? But I don't see how.

    Does anybody have some advice?

  2. #2
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    If you want to avoid being triggered in the first place, it might help if you can identify which stimuli tend to produce which reactions. You can then determine whether the ability "to see it coming" can prevent it, or lessen the effect, or help it to dissipate faster. The best suggestion I can offer to snap out of an uncomfortable mood once you are there is to do an activity that will produce a more agreeable state of mind - exercise, dive into a hobby, go shopping, spend time outdoors, whatever. Meditation might also help. It might be hard to meditate when in the grip of one of these moods, but if you can start out when you are feeling relatively on an even keel, you might be able to develop a habit of mindfulness that will enable you to handle the usual stimuli with less extreme effects.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  3. #3
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    It almost sounds as if you're disapproving your high emotionality before it can fully dissipitate thus causing you to fall into a sort of downward spiral just from reading the situation in your post. I guess in short you almost sound highly critical of yourself. If you stopped caring about the outcomes would you feel so badly, or even would your emotions overwhelm you so much? I struggle with this often too, and I find the more I try to avoid them, the worse they get, and sometimes just experiencing them fully leads them to not overwhelming me as much. Well, sometimes..

  4. #4
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    It sounds like you have a nasty inner critic, and beat yourself up a lot.

    Have you tried being nicer to yourself, and forgiving yourself for your shortcomings?

    I once read that if you struggle with this, it's a good idea to imagine talking to yourself as a child, and explaining nicely to your child self why things need to be different. That will encourage you to be gentler and more forgiving with yourself.

    I've also read that it's a good idea to acknowledge your own emotions, figure out what they are trying to tell you, thank your subconscious for showing you that, and then telling yourself you don't need to feel that emotion anymore. I haven't really tried it, but it might be worth a shot?

  5. #5
    Junior Member cen98's Avatar
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    I don't really see a problem with feeling strongly about things as long as you act in an appropriate manner. Emotions don't necessarily equal action. When something that someone said doesn't agree with me and it's not appropriate for me to say anything I just say okaay in my head and take note that that person is not someone I want to spend a lot of time with. 99% of things in life need to be taken with a grain of salt. Once you become more forgiving of yourself, you will probably become more forgiving of others. I read about this one man who had the philosophy of what he called "surfer vision" where you just keep going, not looking back, when you make a mistake take note, try not to do it again, but above all just keep going. You can't improve when you're too busy beating yourself up. You should try doing things that get you out of your head for a while, physical activity is great! My mood definitely takes a dip when I don't go running often enough.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarsPer View Post
    If only I could avoid being triggered in the first place? But I don't see how.

    Does anybody have some advice?
    Love yourself, and pray for *you*. God will set you free. You are awesomely, beautifully, and wonderfully made. Hate yourself, and it will seep out into every area of your life, as you described.

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