• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[MBTI General] INFJs from the perspective of other types

King sns

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
6,714
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I suspect that the people I'm about to refer to are not particularly "healthy", which might explain a lot - but while I can see the advantages of being more adaptable, I've met ExxPs and xxFPs (those especially) whose words and actions have consistently failed to match up, and who so repeatedly say one thing and then do another that I no longer believe much of what they say, at least in certain areas. I've had sufficient bad experiences with these people that in those areas I just tune them out, don't take it to heart, don't get too involved, and just wait to see what happens, basically.

This kind of thing can really shake an INFJ if they get too involved because we tend to reflect before we speak and then say things that don't change quickly, and I think we often make the mistake of thinking that many other people of widely varying types are the same. So you can get to the point with people who do the above where you still care about them and wish them well, but basically you find it hard to take them seriously, and possibly hard to even respect them.

Hmm... well, from the other side of things, I found that many of the people who stay in my life a long time either strongly understand me or are ISxJ's. I think it's because they offer me so much stability in my life, so they have something I need. I suspect they've taken a mental beating from some of my words, (not that I'm mean, but probably a bit unpredictable and not conducive to communicating with more solid types)- but it ends up being a stability in it's own right. Well, because first of all, SJ's are loyal- and second of all, they have something that I clearly lack and need, so I'm likely to be just as loyal and consistent towards them as they are to me, and I also learn over time what they need for communication. It may be a bit different with the Ni system, which I imagine takes the time to notice all the things that don't match up and eventually leave.
 

King sns

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
6,714
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I suspect that the people I'm about to refer to are not particularly "healthy", which might explain a lot - but while I can see the advantages of being more adaptable, I've met ExxPs and xxFPs (those especially) whose words and actions have consistently failed to match up, and who so repeatedly say one thing and then do another that I no longer believe much of what they say, at least in certain areas. I've had sufficient bad experiences with these people that in those areas I just tune them out, don't take it to heart, don't get too involved, and just wait to see what happens, basically.

This kind of thing can really shake an INFJ if they get too involved because we tend to reflect before we speak and then say things that don't change quickly, and I think we often make the mistake of thinking that many other people of widely varying types are the same. So you can get to the point with people who do the above where you still care about them and wish them well, but basically you find it hard to take them seriously, and possibly hard to even respect them.

Hmm... well, from the other side of things, I found that many of the people who stay in my life a long time either strongly understand me or are ISxJ's. I think it's because they offer me so much stability in my life, so they have something I need. I suspect they've taken a mental beating from some of my words, (not that I'm mean, but probably a bit unpredictable and not conducive to communicating with more solid types)- but it ends up being a stability in it's own right. Well, because first of all, SJ's are loyal- and second of all, they have something that I clearly lack and need, so I'm likely to be just as loyal and consistent towards them as they are to me, and I also learn over time what they need for communication. It may be a bit different with the Ni system, which I imagine takes the time to notice all the things that don't match up and eventually leave.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
My perspective of INFJs is probably highly different than that of other people. Honestly, it's probably more negative, but possibly more realistic. I don't see any magic unicorn when I see an INFJ, no mystical sage, no reclusive savant. They are certainly not "typical" either though. I would say I enjoy them more than I am impressed by them.

I actually don't find INFJs reserved & aloof, not with me; they are usually warmer than me & are the ones to approach me. They are certainly not gregarious, not with everyone, but they have this "Fe warmth at arm's length" that is at the very least "polite". This is a positive thing; they seem to make friends easily, everywhere hey go. However, they pick & choose these friends. If they don't like someone, they close up.

I don't find INFJs to be great, compassionate listeners who offer deep insight & advice, not with me; this is because I am the one listening to them. I've called the INFP the counselor to the Counselor, because that is the role I consistently find myself in with them. They certainly will listen to me, and they can say comforting things, but more often than not they are the ones getting emotional with me. I do see them in their counselor role with others, but somehow the INFP Empath trumps them in regards to who ends up being the more emotionally supportive partner/friend.

I don't find them hard to read or understand, not any more than the next person. A part of me thinks they resent that I read them rather well; they're not used to it & maybe they like feeling mysterious to others. I think they feel some relief too though. Everyone wants to be known, even if that leaves them vulnerable. I think this is why I don't find them as "impressive" as others do; they're just human to me.

I DO find them very funny & witty. It's odd how online most are not as humorous as the ones I know in person. They are not crowd-pleasing comedians, but funny in a one-on-one bantering session.

They DO have unique perspectives, which gels well with my unique perspective. My ex said we both see the world as just a bunch of abstract shapes & that we're both weirdos (this is true). I feel rather at ease with most INFJs very quickly, which I can't say for most people.

I DO find them intelligent & often talented in some way, but many I've known are surprisingly not book smart. They grasp difficult concepts easily, they quickly form what I'll call "people strategies", and they express themselves well, but most I've known have been frustrated with academics. A big part of this stems from clashing with teachers. INFJs can be very "my way or the highway". As adults, they learn to play the game, but when you hear their real opinions it shows this is just a strategy. That's a little disturbing. On the other hand, this is probably why they make stuff happen easily.

I DO find INFJs good at accomplishing goals they set. They're good at organizing stuff & pursuing what they want in a way that seems effortless to me. They also will buck the trend where it suits them; I find them an odd mixture of conforming to societal values but in their own idiosyncratic way. I can admire this, especially as it works for them, whereas I'd just end up being cast by others as a weirdo.

I DO find them very warmly expressive. They give a lot of compliments, commendation & support. They try to be encouraging & helpful with people they like. They have a greater ease of communicating positive feelings, which I admire, as I am very guarded with feelings. They can be very kind & generous also. I've yet to meet a stingy INFJ.

I DO find they let people be themselves. Sometimes they'll push too much for someone to reach their potential, but ultimately they'll appreciate the unique strengths of individuals. They don't try & change a person into someone they are not.


I won't bother to go into more negatives in detail here, as this post sums most of it up.
Let's also just say that when it comes to being made promises & repeatedly having them broken by the other person, I am in the one in that position with the INFJ. I am usually the one who feels deceived & hurt at the end of these relationships (if they do end).
 
A

A window to the soul

Guest
I enjoy the INFJ's in my life. They help me see the things I miss; especially, feelings. Overall, we make a great team.
 

tibby

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
682
MBTI Type
fool
Orangeappled, that was a great post. Also the one on the negatives. Hits the nail in the head and gave me something to think about.

We INFJs have a thing or two to learn from ENFPs IMO, I know I'm truly happy when I'm behaving in ENFP-like manner, I mean when I'm not stressing and when I'm happy I act like an ENFP or something like that

I mean look at Meryl Streep and how she's changed through the years in her interviews
 

Eilonwy

Vulnerability
Joined
Oct 12, 2009
Messages
7,051
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
...
I don't find INFJs to be great, compassionate listeners who offer deep insight & advice, not with me; this is because I am the one listening to them. I've called the INFP the counselor to the Counselor, because that is the role I consistently find myself in with them. They certainly will listen to me, and they can say comforting things, but more often than not they are the ones getting emotional with me. I do see them in their counselor role with others, but somehow the INFP Empath trumps them in regards to who ends up being the more emotionally supportive partner/friend.

Even though I don't know you personally, I'd like to thank you and other INFPs for taking on that role. I know there are times I desperately need someone who will listen and understand in a way that others can't. Now I will be aware of that dynamic and make sure I don't take advantage of it unknowingly.
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
Im pretty sure a thread like this has already been created, but Im not going to resurrect an old thread to satiate my growing curiosity. I have here, before me, a website filled with individuals knowledgeable in the area of psychology and the MBTI, who also post behavior patterns as a side thought.

I want to know from personal standpoints from various other types, how an INFJ in personal and professional lives are viewed as well as views from those who can only speculate given lack of interaction with an actual INFJ. Id also like to encourage other INFJs on this site to chime in and tell me how you view someone of "like type" so to speak.

Ive done a lot of reading on here and lurked on various boards trying to get a rounded view, but a lot of focus tends to be on types *other* than INFJ.

I also would like to ask that feelings and opinions based on INFJ be both from a typology stand point and from a personal one, if any kind of difference exists to anyone on that.

Looking forward to responses!

I work with 2 INFJs and I have had a few INFJ friends over the years so I will give a little synopsis on what I have seen.

Professional Pros:
  • They are awesome with customers - so friendly and helpful and patient.
  • They are super fun and random to hang out with and talk to.
  • I have a lot of fun with them.

Professional Cons:
  • A stickler for organization but not good with details at all.
  • Sometimes they get sucked into the Ni vortex of "things need to be this way because I created this reality inside my head."

Personal Pros:
  • Great listeners.
  • Very sweet.
  • Give good hugs.
  • Make yummy food for me.

Personal Cons:
  • Paranoia.
  • The crazy pin-pointing they can do in their personal lives... Like, I want to be married so I am going to buy myself a wedding dress and make my boyfriend ask me.
  • Obsession on people and events and the inability to let go at times.
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
My perspective of INFJs is probably highly different than that of other people. Honestly, it's probably more negative, but possibly more realistic. I don't see any magic unicorn when I see an INFJ, no mystical sage, no reclusive savant. They are certainly not "typical" either though. I would say I enjoy them more than I am impressed by them.

I actually don't find INFJs reserved & aloof, not with me; they are usually warmer than me & are the ones to approach me. They are certainly not gregarious, not with everyone, but they have this "Fe warmth at arm's length" that is at the very least "polite". This is a positive thing; they seem to make friends easily, everywhere hey go. However, they pick & choose these friends. If they don't like someone, they close up.

I don't find INFJs to be great, compassionate listeners who offer deep insight & advice, not with me; this is because I am the one listening to them. I've called the INFP the counselor to the Counselor, because that is the role I consistently find myself in with them. They certainly will listen to me, and they can say comforting things, but more often than not they are the ones getting emotional with me. I do see them in their counselor role with others, but somehow the INFP Empath trumps them in regards to who ends up being the more emotionally supportive partner/friend.

I don't find them hard to read or understand, not any more than the next person. A part of me thinks they resent that I read them rather well; they're not used to it & maybe they like feeling mysterious to others. I think they feel some relief too though. Everyone wants to be known, even if that leaves them vulnerable. I think this is why I don't find them as "impressive" as others do; they're just human to me.

I DO find them very funny & witty. It's odd how online most are not as humorous as the ones I know in person. They are not crowd-pleasing comedians, but funny in a one-on-one bantering session.

They DO have unique perspectives, which gels well with my unique perspective. My ex said we both see the world as just a bunch of abstract shapes & that we're both weirdos (this is true). I feel rather at ease with most INFJs very quickly, which I can't say for most people.

I DO find them intelligent & often talented in some way, but many I've known are surprisingly not book smart. They grasp difficult concepts easily, they quickly form what I'll call "people strategies", and they express themselves well, but most I've known have been frustrated with academics. A big part of this stems from clashing with teachers. INFJs can be very "my way or the highway". As adults, they learn to play the game, but when you hear their real opinions it shows this is just a strategy. That's a little disturbing. On the other hand, this is probably why they make stuff happen easily.

I DO find INFJs good at accomplishing goals they set. They're good at organizing stuff & pursuing what they want in a way that seems effortless to me. They also will buck the trend where it suits them; I find them an odd mixture of conforming to societal values but in their own idiosyncratic way. I can admire this, especially as it works for them, whereas I'd just end up being cast by others as a weirdo.

I DO find them very warmly expressive. They give a lot of compliments, commendation & support. They try to be encouraging & helpful with people they like. They have a greater ease of communicating positive feelings, which I admire, as I am very guarded with feelings. They can be very kind & generous also. I've yet to meet a stingy INFJ.

I DO find they let people be themselves. Sometimes they'll push too much for someone to reach their potential, but ultimately they'll appreciate the unique strengths of individuals. They don't try & change a person into someone they are not.


I won't bother to go into more negatives in detail here, as this post sums most of it up.
Let's also just say that when it comes to being made promises & repeatedly having them broken by the other person, I am in the one in that position with the INFJ. I am usually the one who feels deceived & hurt at the end of these relationships (if they do end).

Good post!

I really love the team that an INFP and INFJ can make. I work with 2 and we are all very close together. We spend a lot of time together just talking things out, and it's so refreshing to have that N kind of connection going on. I find that I fulfill the role of idea-generator, and help them find new ways of looking at things. In turn, they help me narrow down my crazy ideaness. It's a great fit. I would love to set up shop as a counselor someday with an INFJ.
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
I don't find [INFJs] hard to read or understand, not any more than the next person. A part of me thinks they resent that I read them rather well; they're not used to it & maybe they like feeling mysterious to others. I think they feel some relief too though. Everyone wants to be known, even if that leaves them vulnerable. I think this is why I don't find them as "impressive" as others do; they're just human to me.

I smiled when I read this. I've thought this myself about INFJs. I feel like I can read them very well which really unnerves the hell out of them... which, of course, I read very well and in order to make them more comfortable I try to make it less obvious that I can see through them so clearly.

Yeah, my read on it is that INFJs like to choose - and they choose most carefully - when to reveal their motivations. But don't we xNFxs all tend to read each other very well due to us being on the same NF wavelength? Maybe ENFPs are just more willing to show their ability to read another person (the whole Fi connection thing coupled with the E diarrhea of the mouth thing) than the other NF types.

:smile:
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
I work with 2 INFJs and I have had a few INFJ friends over the years so I will give a little synopsis on what I have seen.

Professional Pros:
  • They are awesome with customers - so friendly and helpful and patient.
  • They are super fun and random to hang out with and talk to.
  • I have a lot of fun with them.

Professional Cons:
  • A stickler for organization but not good with details at all.
  • Sometimes they get sucked into the Ni vortex of "things need to be this way because I created this reality inside my head."

Personal Pros:
  • Great listeners.
  • Very sweet.
  • Give good hugs.
  • Make yummy food for me.

Personal Cons:
  • Paranoia.
  • The crazy pin-pointing they can do in their personal lives... Like, I want to be married so I am going to buy myself a wedding dress and make my boyfriend ask me.
  • Obsession on people and events and the inability to let go at times.

[MENTION=13402]Saturned[/MENTION], this post completely cracked me up. Very fair, very balance, and very true. My personal favorite was:
  • Sometimes they get sucked into the Ni vortex of "things need to be this way because I created this reality inside my head."

^^^^
Ha ha! So on the money.

(Now don't you INFJs get your hackles up with me, please. I adore my INFJ friends, but it's good to laugh at our foibles every once in a while. :newwink:)
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
MBTI Type
N/A
Enneagram
N/A
I don't find INFJs to be great, compassionate listeners who offer deep insight & advice, not with me; this is because I am the one listening to them. I've called the INFP the counselor to the Counselor, because that is the role I consistently find myself in with them. They certainly will listen to me, and they can say comforting things, but more often than not they are the ones getting emotional with me. I do see them in their counselor role with others, but somehow the INFP Empath trumps them in regards to who ends up being the more emotionally supportive partner/friend.

That.

I don't find them hard to read or understand, not any more than the next person. A part of me thinks they resent that I read them rather well; they're not used to it & maybe they like feeling mysterious to others. I think they feel some relief too though. Everyone wants to be known, even if that leaves them vulnerable. I think this is why I don't find them as "impressive" as others do; they're just human to me.

And that.

I can't really tell them what I see or they shy away, feeling so exposed, and I don't want them to, I want to get closer.

I have one close female INFJ friend, and we have a grand time together though. :)

Will expand on this when my shoulder is less sore ... I would like to add to the topic, so this post will serve as my reminder.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
19,129
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
The ESTJ perspective (or at least, the introspective female ESTJ perspective):

I like INFJs a lot, for the most part. I'm drawn to them because they're nice and considerate people, we tend to share values (e.g. civility, loyalty, justice), and I like their sense of humor and their almost aggressive uniqueness. ("Yes, I am wearing a hat with alien eyeballs on it to school. Got a problem??") Also, for some reason, I tend to be pretty quick to draw out the talkative side of INFJs -- to the point that my first impression of them is that they're extroverts! <-- I mention this because I know a lot of people who don't know a lot of INFJs because they have a hard time getting to know them, but for whatever reason that has never been a problem for me.

I also like that we balance each other out -- in many ways, but the most important way is that we are really good at solving each other's problems. If the ESTJ wants to get someone to do something but can't figure out how to say it without sounding like a jerk, the INFJ will know. If the INFJ is bogged down in a huge mess of details and is too overwhelmed to know how to even begin to sort through them, the ESTJ can calm them down and talk them through it. (Actually, from my experience, ESTJs and INFJs are good at calming each other down, in general.)

The only times I get really annoyed with them are when they are passive-aggressive, overly conflict avoidant, or closed-minded. People complain about SJs being hard to reason with, but the truth is that all you need to do is give them enough evidence, and then they'll believe anything you say. That method does not work with INFJs, which frustrates me to no end. I have yet to figure out a way to win an argument with an INFJ.
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
3,932
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I can't really tell them what I see or they shy away, feeling so exposed, and I don't want them to, I want to get closer.

I think I feel a bit uncertain with FPs and so have withdrawn a bit. There is some truth to the above, I think. But I've found when I've vented to FP friends (and I have, though probably more to xxFJ/IxxJ friends as I have more and I tend to find their advice more helpful) that it's sort of a...strange combination between them understanding me extremely well in some respects, so that perhaps I can end up feeling kind of exposed as described, but also really getting the wrong end of the stick with me in other areas and jumping to conclusions which don't have much bearing on reality, and then I feel judged. So the overall feeling is perhaps that I'd rather not open up too much, because it can be uncomfortable either way.

It's not that I don't like FPs, please don't think that, or that I'm having a go at you guys. It's hard for me to explain it properly but in the experiences I've had I really do feel like it's partly uncanny x-ray vision in some areas, and real "um...do you really know me if you can seriously think that?" in other areas. A bit unsettling overall, I guess. Perhaps I feel a bit uncertain with FPs because I tend to think that INFPs and INFJs should be quite similar in a lot of respects. And perhaps they are. But, I think, much less so than I used to imagine. Having a better understanding of function theory probably clarifies that for me.

I think there is a pretty big gulf between Fe and Fi, perhaps that is the problem. In worst-case scenarios, I tend to find FPs inconsistent and unreliable, and don't understand their internal logic/moral code; while I think they find me, again in worst-case scenarios, rigid and obsessive and unforgiving and overly formal.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I think I feel a bit uncertain with FPs and so have withdrawn a bit. There is some truth to the above, I think. But I've found when I've vented to FP friends (and I have, though probably more to xxFJ/IxxJ friends as I have more and I tend to find their advice more helpful) that it's sort of a...strange combination between them understanding me extremely well in some respects, so that perhaps I can end up feeling kind of exposed as described, but also really getting the wrong end of the stick with me in other areas and jumping to conclusions which don't have much bearing on reality, and then I feel judged. So the overall feeling is perhaps that I'd rather not open up too much, because it can be uncomfortable either way.

It's not that I don't like FPs, please don't think that, or that I'm having a go at you guys. It's hard for me to explain it properly but in the experiences I've had I really do feel like it's partly uncanny x-ray vision in some areas, and real "um...do you really know me if you can seriously think that?" in other areas. A bit unsettling overall, I guess. Perhaps I feel a bit uncertain with FPs because I tend to think that INFPs and INFJs should be quite similar in a lot of respects. And perhaps they are. But, I think, much less so than I used to imagine. Having a better understanding of function theory probably clarifies that for me.

I think there is a pretty big gulf between Fe and Fi, perhaps that is the problem. In worst-case scenarios, I tend to find FPs inconsistent and unreliable, and don't understand their internal logic/moral code; while I think they find me, again in worst-case scenarios, rigid and obsessive and unforgiving and overly formal.

I agree with the bolded, and it's true in reverse.

I think that, simply by virtue of being NFs & INxx types, INFJs & INFPs will understand each other exceptionally well, but as a result, they may take it for granted to the point where they rather unfairly expect the other to grasp them in all areas & instances. I think I have carried that expectation with some INFJs & I feel they have with me, and yet, it's not something I'd expect of others. Instead of focusing on how much they DO get me more than other people, I allow instances of miscommunication to stand out in my head. Really, no one will ever understand you 100% of time, even your own MBTI type. The disappointment may not be so great if we don't get caught up in the initial appearance of similarity & understanding and actually allow the other person to be human.

Believe it or not, one of my major problems with FJs is inconsistency also (because I feel very consistent!). I think the most recent Fe/Fi thread shed light on how FPs can see FJs as changing feelings according to external context, and when you add a Ni perspective shift in there, it can leave me feeling that NFJs are "fickle". I imagine how FPs can seem inconsistent also, but it's in a different way; in my case, people get shook up when I switch from easy-going to assertive because now it's a "Fi issue" whereas before I was showing flexible Ne. They find my feelings unpredictable, but to me they are extremely consistent internally. My family finds me pretty predictable in some ways because they've known me long enough to have a greater understanding of what I do/don't care about.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

failure to thrive
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
5,585
MBTI Type
INfj
Enneagram
451
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Im pretty sure a thread like this has already been created, but Im not going to resurrect an old thread to satiate my growing curiosity. I have here, before me, a website filled with individuals knowledgeable in the area of psychology and the MBTI, who also post behavior patterns as a side thought.

I want to know from personal standpoints from various other types, how an INFJ in personal and professional lives are viewed as well as views from those who can only speculate given lack of interaction with an actual INFJ. Id also like to encourage other INFJs on this site to chime in and tell me how you view someone of "like type" so to speak.

people experience me (based on my perception obviously) as:

-weird
-cautiously
-warmly


Ive done a lot of reading on here and lurked on various boards trying to get a rounded view, but a lot of focus tends to be on types *other* than INFJ.

I also would like to ask that feelings and opinions based on INFJ be both from a typology stand point and from a personal one, if any kind of difference exists to anyone on that.

Looking forward to responses!

I don't know about other infjs', but i don't mince words very often. Maybe it's my age (42)...but I've been like this a while. I'm not drama, but I'm intense. So my friends call me intense, then they think I'm weird, then finally, they appreciate my attentiveness. Professionally they seem to respect me a lot, but cautiously or from afar, as if they aren't quite sure what they will get.....I'm quite domineering in my personality though and I'm not sure that is addressed very well by MBTI or enneagram...so that might be where the respect comes from. I use Fe well, but Fi is getting strong too. I procrastinate but get the job done. I think my biggest fault is giving people too many benefits of the doubt and thinking humanity is more noble than it is. Like Pollyanna. But that seems to work well in dealing with clients. So.
 
A

Anew Leaf

Guest
I think I feel a bit uncertain with FPs and so have withdrawn a bit. There is some truth to the above, I think. But I've found when I've vented to FP friends (and I have, though probably more to xxFJ/IxxJ friends as I have more and I tend to find their advice more helpful) that it's sort of a...strange combination between them understanding me extremely well in some respects, so that perhaps I can end up feeling kind of exposed as described, but also really getting the wrong end of the stick with me in other areas and jumping to conclusions which don't have much bearing on reality, and then I feel judged. So the overall feeling is perhaps that I'd rather not open up too much, because it can be uncomfortable either way.

It's not that I don't like FPs, please don't think that, or that I'm having a go at you guys. It's hard for me to explain it properly but in the experiences I've had I really do feel like it's partly uncanny x-ray vision in some areas, and real "um...do you really know me if you can seriously think that?" in other areas. A bit unsettling overall, I guess. Perhaps I feel a bit uncertain with FPs because I tend to think that INFPs and INFJs should be quite similar in a lot of respects. And perhaps they are. But, I think, much less so than I used to imagine. Having a better understanding of function theory probably clarifies that for me.

I think there is a pretty big gulf between Fe and Fi, perhaps that is the problem. In worst-case scenarios, I tend to find FPs inconsistent and unreliable, and don't understand their internal logic/moral code; while I think they find me, again in worst-case scenarios, rigid and obsessive and unforgiving and overly formal.

If you look at it cognitively, we are sort of "inside out" of each other. I used to think, oh! one letter off, and they are an NF... they must be so similar to me! And then conflicts would arise. ^_^

I actually just spent the night inside of an NFJ vortex... Me (INFP), INFJ 1 (from work), INFJ 2 (from work), INFJ 2's INFJ husband, and their ENFJ 9 year old daughter. (I know I will sound crazy to type her when she is 9, but if she isn't an ENFJ, I will eat my hat. She oozes Fe and is constantly making these incredibly bizarre comments about the world that she will explain her "logic" on, and they make perfect sense. Like tonight she talked about why she decided to draw a brain on this clay heart she has in her room. Her reasoning was that if you truly love then you will hate war and so if you let yourself be ruled by love then your heart's brain is bigger than your head's brain and so you need to show that your heart has a brain too.)

It was kind of an amazing night of NF-ness... and to see 3 different flavors of INFJs in one room. I think if her ENFJ son had been home from college the world might have actually ended in that moment.

So in the future when the world ends, I apologize in advance.
 

Viridian

New member
Joined
Dec 30, 2010
Messages
3,036
MBTI Type
IsFJ
If I may ask a question... Do INFPs get riled up when people "figure them out" as well? Or do they tend to feel relieved?
 

Adasta

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
393
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
If I may ask a question... Do INFPs get riled up when people "figure them out" as well? Or do they tend to feel relieved?

I've got a lot of respect for people that genuinely work out my modus operandi. I quite like it, because that means that said person recognises the good and bad points about me. Subsequently, that person gets all the "gifts" of my personality beause they've "passed the test".

What I don't like is people that say "you're just X" or "all you care about is X". This is reductive and always wrong.
 

Wanderer

New member
Joined
Feb 28, 2011
Messages
157
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Believe it or not, one of my major problems with FJs is inconsistency also (because I feel very consistent!). I think the most recent Fe/Fi thread shed light on how FPs can see FJs as changing feelings according to external context, and when you add a Ni perspective shift in there, it can leave me feeling that NFJs are "fickle". I imagine how FPs can seem inconsistent also, but it's in a different way; in my case, people get shook up when I switch from easy-going to assertive because now it's a "Fi issue" whereas before I was showing flexible Ne. They find my feelings unpredictable, but to me they are extremely consistent internally. My family finds me pretty predictable in some ways because they've known me long enough to have a greater understanding of what I do/don't care about.

I've been called many things, and God knows I have many faults, but being "fickle" is probably the LAST one on that list. T'was also the same for the only other INFJ I've ever known in real life. This seems completely out of character/un-INFJ to me.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I've got a lot of respect for people that genuinely work out my modus operandi. I quite like it, because that means that said person recognises the good and bad points about me. Subsequently, that person gets all the "gifts" of my personality beause they've "passed the test".

What I don't like is people that say "you're just X" or "all you care about is X". This is reductive and always wrong.

Agreed. I like when someone truly figures me out, but not when they simply sum me up in a dismissive & usually inaccurate manner.

I've been called many things, and God knows I have many faults, but being "fickle" is probably the LAST one on that list. T'was also the same for the only other INFJ I've ever known in real life. This seems completely out of character/un-INFJ to me.

Well, I've never specifically used the word "fickle" with an INFJ (because it's like walking on eggshells concerning them & criticism), but I've certainly thought it about them. I can't say they were fickle internally, but their behavior in certain instances appeared that way to me; I can see why they'd think they are consistent.

FYI, this NFP has NEVER been called fickle either, nor inconsistent, nor unreliable, so it's probably a matter of perspective.
 
Top