• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[MBTI General] INFJs from the perspective of other types

Synth

New member
Joined
Aug 30, 2011
Messages
24
MBTI Type
INFJ
Im pretty sure a thread like this has already been created, but Im not going to resurrect an old thread to satiate my growing curiosity. I have here, before me, a website filled with individuals knowledgeable in the area of psychology and the MBTI, who also post behavior patterns as a side thought.

I want to know from personal standpoints from various other types, how an INFJ in personal and professional lives are viewed as well as views from those who can only speculate given lack of interaction with an actual INFJ. Id also like to encourage other INFJs on this site to chime in and tell me how you view someone of "like type" so to speak.

Ive done a lot of reading on here and lurked on various boards trying to get a rounded view, but a lot of focus tends to be on types *other* than INFJ.

I also would like to ask that feelings and opinions based on INFJ be both from a typology stand point and from a personal one, if any kind of difference exists to anyone on that.

Looking forward to responses!
 

cen98

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2011
Messages
10
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
Thank you for starting a new thread. I prefer that to one that already has 10 pages of back and forth, even if it does answer a question. I like INFJs a lot! They're kind, smart, loyal, funny :hug: I think they get overlooked a lot because they are introverted, and less chatty than say, an INFP, once you become friends with them. Their Fe makes them a bit sensitive to criticism (not that I have much to criticize them about, but I think they shy away from putting themselves out there because they dislike or don't stand up to being judged/criticized as much as other types) Their Ti makes them want to fix this, but they're not sure how to go about doing it. This also creates the only thing that frustrates me about them - they're so difficult to get to really open up! I see them helping or wanting to help people a lot and I don't know who they allow to do that for them :cry:
 

Adasta

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
393
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I want to know from personal standpoints from various other types, how an INFJ in personal and professional lives are viewed as well as views from those who can only speculate given lack of interaction with an actual INFJ. Id also like to encourage other INFJs on this site to chime in and tell me how you view someone of "like type" so to speak.

I've only ever known female INFJs, but I love them.

I have a lot of respect for INFJs because they seem to be able to manifest qualities that I feel, but can't show. They are very caring and it's amazing to watch them at work in that capacity. While I pillory myself because I just can't see how it's possible to end a person's sadness, an INFJ is there actually making an attempt - and doing a good job. I love being around them because they don't judge me for my flights of fancy. I also think I serve to strengthen their self-confidence by telling them to forget everyone else in the world and just do what you want as long as you don't hurt anyone. I've never worked out why they feel so insecure because I've never met an INFJ that wasn't a lovely person.

I am fiercely protective of INFJs because I recognise that they are almost like the INFP's hands in the world. They do the things I wish I could but can't because it's too emotionally tortuous: if I see a child that's upset, I get upset for them; an INFJ will actually go and make things better. In this sense, I feel like I will take the slings and arrows on their behalf so they don't ever have to feel bad - they've got too many gifts that might be wasted if they feel sad. I'd rather that I feel sad for them and they feel happy and caring!

In a way, I think we both look at each other and see the things we lack in ourselves. As I've said, I see the "pastoral care" present in an INFJ that I wish I could offer but can't. Likewise, I think they see in INFPs a strength of character which allows us to disregard everyone else and follow our own whims.

It's a great partnership, and I wish I knew more INFJs.
 

Bamboozle

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2009
Messages
68
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
3w2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I'm working with an INFJ at the moment. I like and respect him a lot! But—not gonna lie—it's kind of awkward to work with him. It's really not his fault, though.

As an INTP, I feel a lot more comfortable when someone isn't trying to comfort me. When I'm worried or stressed, he responds by telling him that he believes in me. It's very nice of him. I appreciate it. But I actually have no clue how to react.

I constantly feel like he needs me to emote more for him and I can't! I can for short periods of time but if I have to stop and think, he somehow mistakes my reaction for displeasure or criticism. I have to constantly indicate that I'm agreeing with him or he looks hurt.

So…really, the very qualities that make him likeable, make me very uncomfortable, haha! It's just that he's so sensitive to my tone and body language that I always have to be on guard because he doesn't seem quite used to reading someone like me and misinterprets so often.

To his credit, though, I think he's slowly adapting to my mode of expression, as I am (trying) to adapt to his.


ETA: Oh, and this might be interesting, too. I actually mistook him for an ENTP to begin with. He's such a good performer when he needs to be, haha!
 

Adasta

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
393
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
As an INTP, I feel a lot more comfortable when someone isn't trying to comfort me.

* An INTP is crying *

INFP: Hey INTP
INTP (crying): Yes?
INFP: Fuck off.
INTP: Cheers mate.

:)
 

Bamboozle

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2009
Messages
68
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
3w2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Haha! Actually, I'm usually more open to Fi-doms comforting me. Fi-doms or other NTs. It makes more sense to me than Fe-dom forms of comforting. So…who knows, that might have worked [MENTION=11466]Adasta[/MENTION] ;).
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
I like INFJs. While you guys are pretty rare, I've seemed to developed quite the collection of you... both male and female. And, I've dated them as well.

I'd say that from my ENFP perspective INFJs are quiet, loyal, sensitive, and reserved. I admire their willingness to help others, and I really like their Ni which is very stimulating for my Ne to be around. There are differences between Ni and Ne, of course. Nonetheless, they have a lot in common. And, we seem to have the same kind of sense of humor. So yay for INFJ / ENFP friendships/dating relationships.

On the downside (again from my ENFP perspective), I've noticed they seem to be unnecessarily obstinate (the whole J thing I guess), and sometimes too resistant to changing the plan. INFJs always have a plan for whatever they're doing... and boy they don't like that plan to be changed unexpectedly. They also don't like emotional surprises which doesn't bother ENFPs at all. They can be (what seems to me) overly cautious when it comes to letting people in their lives. They sometimes jump to judgement too quickly. And, they can be a wee bit overly sensitive. When they get their feelings hurt they have a tendency to bottle it up and then release their anger/hurt in a tirade that seems to come out of nowhere.

You know, I believe that each personality type has predictable points of commonality and points of friction with any other given personality type. Socionics talks about this a lot. You can put in any two personality types and it will predict the kind of relationship they will have by visiting this webpage: http://www.socionics.com/rel/rel.htm.
For example, ENFPs and INFJs are "mirror relations" and are predicted to get along very well. The main point of friction is the P/J difference.

^^^^^^^^^^^
I bring up the Socionics intertype relations thing because I think you'll find that how other types view the INFJ is very much dependent upon what type they are. You'll notice patterns, for example, in how INTPs view INFJs which will be different than how ENFPs view INFJs.
 

Crescent Fresh

Diving into Ni-space
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
802
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
On the downside (again from my ENFP perspective), I've noticed they seem to be unnecessarily obstinate (the whole J thing I guess), and sometimes too resistant to changing the plan. INFJs always have a plan for whatever they're doing... and boy they don't like that plan to be changed unexpectedly.

+100.

I have to say that indeed, that's one of the reasons why most both types couldn't get each other most of the time.

Though I have to say is INFJ takes spoken promises very seriously and ENFP has a hard time keeping a promise (even if they did verbally) as they strive for leaving the options open. It does take an infinite amount of patience for both type to get each other with our opposing functions.

Though I must say I did learn many things that I didn't see before without having conflicts with them. I consider them as mostly good lessons in general.
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
[an] ENFP has a hard time keeping a promise (even if they did verbally) as they strive for leaving the options open.

I wouldn't say that ENFPs have trouble keeping promises, just that we are willing to readjust our priorities as we see the situation change. I think this seems very wishy washy for INFJs. Most ENFPs (and especially mature ones with some life experience under their belt) take their promises very seriously. Another thing is that ENFPs will say things without thinking it through. In other words, I say crazy shit all the time that I have to sort through later to see if I really meant it. This might make INFJs (and other types who consider carefully what they say before they say it) think ENFPs as untrustworthy. They're not really. You just have to understand this part of their personality. Sometimes the words come before the reflection. It's an ExxP/IxxJ think I think.

So back to the original post, INFJs think through things before they say them. And, they prefer consistency in the people around them. At least that's my observation.
 

Adasta

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
393
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I bring up the Socionics intertype relations thing because I think you'll find that how other types view the INFJ is very much dependent upon what type they are. You'll notice patterns, for example, in how INTPs view INFJs which will be different than how ENFPs view INFJs.

It's worth remembering that Socionics messes with function order. Their description of INFp is very similar to an MBTI INFP, yet the function order is actually that of an MBTI INFJ. Just remember to check which function order you think is correct and then choose accordingly.
 

Synth

New member
Joined
Aug 30, 2011
Messages
24
MBTI Type
INFJ
they're so difficult to get to really open up! I see them helping or wanting to help people a lot and I don't know who they allow to do that for them

Im not going to speak for every INFJ on this site, however in my case the difficulty in letting people in lays in the massive betrayals Ive experienced and witnessed in my life. Ive had guys use my good helping nature and abuse it, past girlfriends have sh** on it and expressed not-so-subtle jealousy that Id give my caring attention to someone other than them, and one girlfriend who tried her hardest to rework my personality, preferences, and tastes to her liking. In short, I need to be thoroughly reassured that someone gets me and has good intentions before I let them into my core. I also cannot stand to let people who are only out for number one and nothing else to get close to me and inside my inner world. Those kind of people only typically see me as a way to get an extra leg up in the world, and typically dont grant me the credit Id thrive on.

I've only ever known female INFJs, but I love them.

I have a lot of respect for INFJs because they seem to be able to manifest qualities that I feel, but can't show. They are very caring and it's amazing to watch them at work in that capacity. While I pillory myself because I just can't see how it's possible to end a person's sadness, an INFJ is there actually making an attempt - and doing a good job. I love being around them because they don't judge me for my flights of fancy. I also think I serve to strengthen their self-confidence by telling them to forget everyone else in the world and just do what you want as long as you don't hurt anyone. I've never worked out why they feel so insecure because I've never met an INFJ that wasn't a lovely person.

I am fiercely protective of INFJs because I recognise that they are almost like the INFP's hands in the world. They do the things I wish I could but can't because it's too emotionally tortuous: if I see a child that's upset, I get upset for them; an INFJ will actually go and make things better. In this sense, I feel like I will take the slings and arrows on their behalf so they don't ever have to feel bad - they've got too many gifts that might be wasted if they feel sad. I'd rather that I feel sad for them and they feel happy and caring!

In a way, I think we both look at each other and see the things we lack in ourselves. As I've said, I see the "pastoral care" present in an INFJ that I wish I could offer but can't. Likewise, I think they see in INFPs a strength of character which allows us to disregard everyone else and follow our own whims.

It's a great partnership, and I wish I knew more INFJs.

This is by far the most reverent description of INFJs Ive read on this site thus far. The insecurity can stem for the Fe side of things. Ive personally worked on toughening myself up against criticism and the like, and while Ive gotten better about not showing how badly it can sting, I havent been able to work on making it sting or hurt less. INFJs are super sensitive to conflict. Its almost literally against our nature to fight or argue under regular circumstances. Im going to be a bit personal here and say that if I find a cause or person I care for a lot, I turn from a meek and kind hearted individual into a sincerely protective and confident man who isnt the least bit afraid to defend what he cares for. Im not saying "HULK SMASH PUNY MAN!!" angry or aggressive, but stout enough to stave off most attacks.

I feel a lot more comfortable when someone isn't trying to comfort me.

Hmmm. Im not sure I could say Id try to *not* comfort you. In his position Id probably get a bit miffed at the body language and what I believe he would perceive as snappish words, mull it over for a bit and fume it, then come back and try to tackle the issue from another angle. Theres always a way to help someone with their problems. Its a matter of diversifying yourself enough to make your help comfortable for the variety of people youre likely to deal with. Which is where our natural inclination to deal with individuals one-on-one come in handy, as it would allow an INFJ like myself to "personalize" they way I approach and deal with that person peacefully.

I've noticed they seem to be unnecessarily obstinate (the whole J thing I guess), and sometimes too resistant to changing the plan. INFJs always have a plan for whatever they're doing... and boy they don't like that plan to be changed unexpectedly.

Im 100% guilty of that. It frustrates the living daylights out of me when people I plan with just up and change it without telling me. I dont deal well with large changes in my plans, and I sure as heck dont appreciate it if the perpetrator is aware of my need to communicate and be aware of any kind of changes. I wont say its not a control thing. In my case its a 100% need to control major plans I put into motion. I say this because I typically give a very large amount of thought to them and lay out fairly detailed groundwork *before* I tell someone involved what it is I have in mind. Its for that very reason that it drives me bonkers when people in on the plan get reckless with it.
 

entropie

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
16,767
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
783
[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muhVKlWFWuQ"].[/YOUTUBE]
 

Bamboozle

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2009
Messages
68
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
3w2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Hmmm. Im not sure I could say Id try to *not* comfort you. In his position Id probably get a bit miffed at the body language and what I believe he would perceive as snappish words, mull it over for a bit and fume it, then come back and try to tackle the issue from another angle. Theres always a way to help someone with their problems. Its a matter of diversifying yourself enough to make your help comfortable for the variety of people youre likely to deal with. Which is where our natural inclination to deal with individuals one-on-one come in handy, as it would allow an INFJ like myself to "personalize" they way I approach and deal with that person peacefully.

Nah, I didn't snap at him. That would be both rude and downright mean. No, I just thanked him—but I suspect it came off strained because I was self-conscious that I had an Fe-obligation to emote 'being comforted' :p.

But you're right, actually. He's been adapting his tactics. I think I saw him have an epiphany about how to deal with me when he saw me interacting with his INTJ buddy. Since then, it's like he's been testing out different tactics.

Pretty impressed since I tend to feel that I have to adapt in some way. I still do but, this time, the other person is actually making an effort, too—and is actually good at it!
 

Wanderer

New member
Joined
Feb 28, 2011
Messages
157
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
I wouldn't say that ENFPs have trouble keeping promises, just that we are willing to readjust our priorities as we see the situation change. I think this seems very wishy washy for INFJs. Most ENFPs (and especially mature ones with some life experience under their belt) take their promises very seriously. Another thing is that ENFPs will say things without thinking it through. In other words, I say crazy shit all the time that I have to sort through later to see if I really meant it. This might make INFJs (and other types who consider carefully what they say before they say it) think ENFPs as untrustworthy. They're not really. You just have to understand this part of their personality. Sometimes the words come before the reflection. It's an ExxP/IxxJ think I think.

So back to the original post, INFJs think through things before they say them. And, they prefer consistency in the people around them. At least that's my observation.

It *is* very hard for me not to view the ENFP's in my life as untrustworthy; a few bad experiences with ENFP's have left a bad taste in my mouth.
How do I, as an INFJ, know when I can trust what an ENFP is saying?
I assume writing off an entire personality type is less than healthy.

If this is a topic that deserves it's own thread, MODS please move it; I'm not very good at the whole "forum" thing yet. Not trying to jack the thread ;)
 

FunnyDigestion

New member
Joined
Mar 18, 2011
Messages
1,126
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4
I have a bit of a friend from high school who's INFJ (well we used to be more of friends, but haven't talked in a while), & he's kind of a genius. In clinical functional terms-- he can instantly understand how to do things, & how things work, social situations, abstract things, video games, school things. But in terms of what I think of as "universal understanding," he seems lacking. By that I mean, the connections between everything, the way objective reality is always blurring at the edges... I don't think he cares about it honestly. He's much more of a people person than me.

The INFJs on this forum seem very thoughtful, kind of scholarly.
 

fripping

New member
Joined
Feb 24, 2009
Messages
162
MBTI Type
nerd
lady infjs good, man infjs bad unless they have serious drug or alcohol problems then they're ok.
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
It *is* very hard for me not to view the ENFP's in my life as untrustworthy; a few bad experiences with ENFP's have left a bad taste in my mouth. How do I, as an INFJ, know when I can trust what an ENFP is saying? I assume writing off an entire personality type is less than healthy.

Hmmm. I guess I'd challenge you to not judge ENFPs by your own INFJ standards, but to judge an ENFP by how they live within their own value system. See the beauty in the ENFP way, even if it is radically different than how you interact with the world as an INFJ. Remember one way isn't better than another. They are just different. In other words, each approach has it's strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps it would help if you consider the weakness of the INFJ approach and the strength of the ENFP approach.

For example, ENFPs have an amazing ability to go back and reevaluate situations and fine tune their approach. (Said in another way, they can say one thing, go and reflect, then change their mind.) This might seem loosely goosey (aka untrustworthy) to you, but being flexible and spontaneous is a real gift. ENFPs may say almost anything that comes into their head, but they can also be fluid as the situation requires. They can change on a dime. They can instantly tailor their approach to make the people around them feel more comfortable. In this way, they kick some serious INFJ ass.

So to keep us on the original topic, let me point out that sometimes INFJs can seem aloof and distant... especially around those they don't know well. Perhaps part of the reason for this is that they do place such a high value on thinking things through before they say them. Sometimes they wind up saying not very much at all. In other words, sometimes they hold too much of themselves back. Also, at their worst, INFJs can come across as rigid and inflexible. Once an INFJ has made a decision they like to stick to it. Sometimes this limits their ability to adapt to knew and fluid situations.

^^^^^
Even though these faults are visible in every INFJ I know, that doesn't mean that's the sum of their character. The same logic applies to ENFPs who haven't yet mastered following through on what they say. This is something that an immature ENFP tends to have to work on. Even so, most ENFPs I know are very earnest about keeping their promises and try very hard to live by their usually highly evolved (viz., Fi) value system.

:hug: <-- Don't be hatin' us ENFPs.
 

King sns

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
6,714
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Hmmm. I guess I'd challenge you to not judge ENFPs by your own INFJ standards, but to judge an ENFP by how they live within their own value system. See the beauty in the ENFP way, even if it is radically different than how you interact with the world as an INFJ. Remember one way isn't better than another. They are just different. In other words, each approach has it's strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps it would help if you consider the weakness of the INFJ approach and the strength of the ENFP approach.

For example, ENFPs have an amazing ability to go back and reevaluate situations and fine tune their approach. (Said in another way, they can say one thing, go and reflect, then change their mind.) This might seem loosely goosey (aka untrustworthy) to you, but being flexible and spontaneous is a real gift. ENFPs may say almost anything that comes into their head, but they can also be fluid as the situation requires. They can change on a dime. They can instantly tailor their approach to make the people around them feel more comfortable. In this way, they kick some serious INFJ ass.

So to keep us on the original topic, let me point out that sometimes INFJs can seem aloof and distant... especially around those they don't know well. Perhaps part of the reason for this is that they do place such a high value on thinking things through before they say them. Sometimes they wind up saying not very much at all. In other words, sometimes they hold too much of themselves back. Also, at their worst, INFJs can come across as rigid and inflexible. Once an INFJ has made a decision they like to stick to it. Sometimes this limits their ability to adapt to knew and fluid situations.

^^^^^
Even though these faults are visible in every INFJ I know, that doesn't mean that's the sum of their character. The same logic applies to ENFPs who haven't yet mastered following through on what they say. This is something that an immature ENFP tends to have to work on. Even so, most ENFPs I know are very earnest about keeping their promises and try very hard to live by their usually highly evolved (viz., Fi) value system.

:hug: <-- Don't be hatin' us ENFPs.

I would strongly agree with that, but... I still see how someone who values stability may take issue with something that is so slippery and ever changing. It's like buying a dog and then waking up to an iguana or a hippopotamus in your room.:wtf:
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
3,932
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I would strongly agree with that, but... I still see how someone who values stability may take issue with something that is so slippery and ever changing. It's like buying a dog and then waking up to an iguana or a hippopotamus in your room.:wtf:

I suspect that the people I'm about to refer to are not particularly "healthy", which might explain a lot - but while I can see the advantages of being more adaptable, I've met ExxPs and xxFPs (those especially) whose words and actions have consistently failed to match up, and who so repeatedly say one thing and then do another that I no longer believe much of what they say, at least in certain areas. I've had sufficient bad experiences with these people that in those areas I just tune them out, don't take it to heart, don't get too involved, and just wait to see what happens, basically.

This kind of thing can really shake an INFJ if they get too involved because we tend to reflect before we speak and then say things that don't change quickly, and I think we often make the mistake of thinking that many other people of widely varying types are the same. So you can get to the point with people who do the above where you still care about them and wish them well, but basically you find it hard to take them seriously, and possibly hard to even respect them.
 
Top