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  1. #71
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    Yeah.

    I get the feeling INFJs are just too nice to actually display this. I know that they write people off too, but I get the feeling that their Fe doesn't allow them to express this in front of others; there's a fear it might make things "uncomfortable". Therefore they just like to ensure they are on top of things and like to chip in here and there to let everyone know that, actually, they don't like this person.
    What about ENFP and ENFJ? I'm not sure if this is type related but I've seen the similar behaviors among them.

  2. #72
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    +10.

    One thing you have to know that is INFJ's mind is constantly being drilled through the vortex endlessly, even if they're in a normal state. So imagine the Ni-Fi loops is facing an inner-conflicts, that we ended up micro-focusing on having our thoughts sort out without scanning the environment (perhaps due to our inferior Se function). We tend to need A LENGTHY amount of time to sort conflicts out, and for me, that will never happen within the same day as it usually take days or weeks for us to sort it out on our own. Once we're able to find more time to do that, we'll be able to think from other perspectives more, or just randomly trying to make excuses for the offenders so that we can settle for an inner-peace of mind. I think the biggest issue here is that when INFJ themselves is facing such dilemma, they tend to prefer to sort it out on their own; whereas when INFJ felt they were "involved" in other's conflicts, they eagerly seek out for confirmation from others in order to settle it down quickly. Perhaps this is something that most people felt INFJ can be selfish in some ways as we really do need a lot of personal space and time to deal with our complexity of our own emotions.
    This is good.

    Random:

    Ugh! The "nice" thing. It's true for me that I'm nice even if I don't feel like it because I can't live with myself if I'm not. It's not being nice because I think other people expect me to be nice. It's being nice because I'll torture myself later if I'm not. I also fully expect that the other person will notice I'm forcing myself to be nice and at least give me credit for trying, rather than condemnation that I'm being fake.

    The grumpy thing: Grumpy usually means we're tired. It's a good time for a snuggle, not a talk.

    I think we're so sensitive to criticism because we are critical. The other person has no idea the stuff we've seen and let slide. So the criticism needs to be necessary, otherwise it feels unjust. If I don't put your faults in your face, I don't want you to put mine in mine.

    Regarding promises broken -- over time, I've learned to credit the good intent and let it go at that. It's cleaner to let go of any real expectation of it materializing. It's ok that it was "just" good intent. It's gravy if it actually happens. This point of view keeps resentments from building and helps me not isolate from people who mean well but lack follow-through. It's also nice to know I can indulge an occasional whim and not follow-through, too, and not get too hard a time about it.

    One last edit: I've learned that some types do what I do in my head aloud. That when they're speaking, it doesn't mean I'm supposed to listen and take notes (my tendency). I don't talk the process, I think it -- some people talk it. That's helped me, hope it helps someone else.

  3. #73
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wanderer View Post
    I add people to the "list" to remove them from my life. I don't have many people on this list. They are people I have marked as "cannot be trusted, and have caused too much pain." They are pushed out beyond the city walls and are forever banished. They'll never see my feelings anymore, because if I have my way they will never see or hear from me again. I'll just tell them "I'm sorry, you hurt me too deeply, and more to the point, I don't see how I could ever trust you again. Without that, why would we bother trying to be friends?" I tell myself I did my best and I gave them every chance I could, and I pick up the pieces and try to move on.

    I don't know if that's how it works for other INFJ's or not. Just my personal perspective.
    Yeah, I'm like that too with my list. It's short, but a few people might never come off it. They end up there if the emotional pain of having them in my life would be too great. Sometimes they get a speech from me, sometimes they don't, but they know or will find out sooner or later why they ended up on the list. I'll probably feel great pain at the thought of them for at least a few months or possibly years, then I'll get to a place of indifference.
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  4. #74
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    My INFJ sister is what you get when you mix all the positive traits of an INTJ with all the positive traits that NFs are known for.

    Intelligent, analytical, rational, has everything planned & organized, sweet, modest, great mom, seems like a great manager at work, people pleaser, has no enemies.

  5. #75
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Now here's the thing: I am not a mind-reader. I try not to presume the "why". I feel what I feel from another person, yes. And I will attempt to figure that out. It may mean I guess though or even project, to try to draw someone out, put myself in those shoes and ascertain what's got another person so upset. INFJ's seem to get really upset when you guess the "why" wrong though. So if I get the emotional state "right", but the reason "wrong", I am thusly "written off". It's kind of annoying, actually. It makes me pretty much want to ignore their emo signals and avoid them until they are ready to talk.
    Very interesting insight. This gives me much to think about.

    Perhaps this is related to the INFJ inclination to focus on a particular individual, in a particular scenario when they are reading someone: what's going on in their head, their thoughts, feelings, motivations in that moment etc. Whereas the INFP seeks to understand individuals through generalisations: common patterns of human behaviour, comparing and contrasting that person to their previous behaviour or to that of others in similar circumstances. In this sense INFPs are looking at aren't considering the "whys" as much, because that is too specific to the situation (and see attempting to ascertain them to be pure speculation) but the specifics are exactly what the INFJs are focused on. They seem to see the "whys" as key to uncover the "whats".
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  6. #76
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    Looking over all these posts, speculations, interactions, and guesses its hard to find anywhere to lay my input. I expected to find a lot more questions than fact based responses. Gods know why. I'm on a forum dedicated to MBTI after all. However in all of this, Ive yet to really see anyone just up and use a "personal" opinion sans the MBTI perspective. I guess you could say I'm honestly perturbed that I'm seeing virtually everyone allow themselves to be "classified" in such broad sweeping terms. Especially given that theoretically there are only sixteen confirmed "ways" to think according to this thing.

    Please dont take this as I dont enjoy it here or take anything I say from a negative perspective. MBTI is a wonderful way to help us better understand ourselves, but am I the only one who finds that using the MBTI as a primary way to identify oneself a bit....odd?

    My point being is that all of this feels personally impersonal to me. I see a bunch of people connecting one on one with each other, but its fueled with "my NF clashes with your NT" and "this INFP works well with my ENTJ".

    Its personally not how Id envision building a relationship friend or otherwise on. I wont disparage it as it works for people. So Im just going to ask. Does anyone have thoughts on it? Its kind of been bugging me for awhile.

  7. #77
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synth View Post
    Looking over all these posts, speculations, interactions, and guesses its hard to find anywhere to lay my input. I expected to find a lot more questions than fact based responses. Gods know why. I'm on a forum dedicated to MBTI after all. However in all of this, Ive yet to really see anyone just up and use a "personal" opinion sans the MBTI perspective. I guess you could say I'm honestly perturbed that I'm seeing virtually everyone allow themselves to be "classified" in such broad sweeping terms. Especially given that theoretically there are only sixteen confirmed "ways" to think according to this thing.

    Please dont take this as I dont enjoy it here or take anything I say from a negative perspective. MBTI is a wonderful way to help us better understand ourselves, but am I the only one who finds that using the MBTI as a primary way to identify oneself a bit....odd?
    No, but those guys are boring. Or crotchety. Look up Solitary Walker's stuff. You might like that. MBTI springs from Jung, which is more pure typology and doesn't assign behavior-oriented classifications, like modern systems tend to.
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  8. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    No, but those guys are boring. Or crotchety. Look up Solitary Walker's stuff. You might like that. MBTI springs from Jung, which is more pure typology and doesn't assign behavior-oriented classifications, like modern systems tend to.
    I knew Jung gave us typology and all that jazz. It just didnt occur to me that it would become a primary mode of identification. Im more for "I know how you think according to this thing, but how do you *really* think"? Make sense?

  9. #79
    Senior Member uncommonentity's Avatar
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    My overall experience with INFJs has been negative. I could litter this page in paragraphs of experiences riddled with absolute insanity but I feel I can just simplify it by saying a lot of INFJ females don't have any grip on themselves. I can't speak on behalf of the males. I hear they're a cool bunch but I've never come across any. They're very sensitive people who harness the joint ability to manipulate others.
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  10. #80
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synth View Post
    I knew Jung gave us typology and all that jazz. It just didnt occur to me that it would become a primary mode of identification. Im more for "I know how you think according to this thing, but how do you *really* think"? Make sense?
    Yeah, I've always wished people would keep their posts personal only and not stereotype so much according to type. I think, though, the fact that people tend to do it means that there is something deeper and identifiable about people that do prefer similar functions; I think there are patterns of behavior that might be more likely to occur in people who use similar functions in the same degree.

    Quote Originally Posted by uncommonentity View Post
    My overall experience with INFJs has been negative. I could litter this page in paragraphs of experiences riddled with absolute insanity but I feel I can just simplify it by saying a lot of INFJ females don't have any grip on themselves. I can't speak on behalf of the males. I hear they're a cool bunch but I've never come across any. They're very sensitive people.
    I can't believe I'm hearing this from a fellow Ni-er. You must be jaded. That's it, isn't it. There is no other way you could not us; it's in your dna.

    The males are sensitive, but the ones I know are never happy for long, always chasing the end of some new rainbow. Though they are very loving and poetic while you have their attention.
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