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  1. #41
    Senior Member Wanderer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Well, I've never specifically used the word "fickle" with an INFJ (because it's like walking on eggshells concerning them & criticism), but I've certainly thought it about them. I can't say they were fickle internally, but their behavior in certain instances appeared that way to me; I can see why they'd think they are consistent.

    FYI, this NFP has NEVER been called fickle either, nor inconsistent, nor unreliable, so it's probably a matter of perspective.
    Well. Um. It's just that the trait you're describing isn't something associated with INFJ's. At all..

    We're highly selective of who we we choose to be friends with - but once that choice is made, our problem is almost always being able to let go. Which is the exact opposite of being fickle, and why this critique seems out of place. (Note; I am not arguing any of the *prior* critiques, because most of them are relatively accurate to some degree.)
    Please see this recently started thread:
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...bsessions.html

  2. #42
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Agreed. I like when someone truly figures me out, but not when they simply sum me up in a dismissive & usually inaccurate manner.
    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    I've got a lot of respect for people that genuinely work out my modus operandi. I quite like it, because that means that said person recognises the good and bad points about me. Subsequently, that person gets all the "gifts" of my personality beause they've "passed the test".

    What I don't like is people that say "you're just X" or "all you care about is X". This is reductive and always wrong.
    So INFPs are okay with other people "knowing them inside out"? I wonder if this is a Fi/Fe thing...

  3. #43
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I don't know if I would agree that INFPs can read me extremely well and therefore make me feel exposed and prickly. More often, I feel that they are reading me according to what it would mean if they acted that way and I get prickly because they are incorrect but don't think they are and it's NOT RIGHT! I don't know why accuracy like that matters so much to me, but it does, and you can see evidence of that in most of the threads where I have ever tangled with NFPs. I actually really appreciate someone who does know me inside out and who wants to understand how I tick, so I don't think it's a matter of wanting to retain mystique.

    However, I think the INFPs are correct that there is something really unsettling and annoying about someone who wants to make little observations about me as I interact with them. Makes me feel like their science experiment or like they are being patronizing. Perhaps this is more what they are referring to about us wanting to be mysterious, as it does indeed bring out the prickly and blunt side of me towards them. It also probably makes me appear rather sensitive and closed-minded, when my own internal assessment is that I'd be open to their observations, but they have to go about it in the correct manner. My objection is when their assessment is incorrect, in which case I will write off their opinions entirely as I don't feel they are qualified to go on OR when they do hit the nail on the head, they need to be careful that the way in which they do it doesn't seem like they are correcting me or laughing at me when they do not have a close enough relationship/appropriate type of relationship with me to do so.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    If I may ask a question... Do INFPs get riled up when people "figure them out" as well? Or do they tend to feel relieved?
    I actually find that the XNFJs "get me" the best.

    I enjoy people figuring me out *IF* I want them to know me. If I do, then I often make it easier for the other person. Impressive is the person who can figure me out when I am not actively allowing them to get to know me.

    If I need to stay protected from someone then I won't make it easier for them and instead I will lead them a merry chase through the Ne Shrubbery Maze and make them think they have found Fi when instead they have found her hologram in the water garden portion of myself.

  5. #45
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Perhaps this is more what they are referring to about us wanting to be mysterious, as it does indeed bring out the prickly and blunt side of me towards them. It also probably makes me appear rather sensitive and closed-minded, when my own internal assessment is that I'd be open to their observations, but they have to go about it in the correct manner. My objection is when their assessment is incorrect, in which case I will write off their opinions entirely as I don't feel they are qualified to go on OR when they do hit the nail on the head, they need to be careful that the way in which they do it doesn't seem like they are correcting me or laughing at me when they do not have a close enough relationship/appropriate type of relationship with me to do so.
    I agree that a good way to get me acting "mysterious" is to read me wrong in a very I-am-right kind of way. ie. I'll probably clam up if I feel someone is really getting me wrong. I won't open up with them in those areas any more and will ask them polite questions about themselves but will turn the subject away from myself and my preoccupations.

    And yeah, I can't say I've ever been called fickle. The only context I can imagine it looking that is where on rare occasions I have written someone off harshly and finally. There have been occasions when it could have seemed a bit out of the blue. However, more recently it's either been extremely obvious what the problem is even without discussion being necessary, or else I've come right out and told them very bluntly. Other than that, I get "loyal" quite regularly and also get quite regularly told by certain people that I should walk away from/drop certain other people.

    I guess it would be fair to say that I walk away from people/situations only with great difficulties, but when I do it's best to make it harsh and final, because otherwise the emotional fallout will be even worse than it already is.
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  6. #46
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Been thinking about this.

    As a generalization, I guess the only thing that bugs me is that in a thread asking for perspectives, you give them only to be told they aren't "right". And somehow that sums it up well.

    Love you guys though.
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    When people see some things as good,
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  7. #47
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I don't think it's so much a matter of shooting other people's perspectives down, as it is coming to an agreement of what parts we see in common with each other and what parts we feel don't jive with our perspective and why. Maybe it's just trying to give more context for behaviours that seem either rejecting or confusing, more than not being open to to other people's POV when it's been requested.

  8. #48
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wanderer View Post
    Well. Um. It's just that the trait you're describing isn't something associated with INFJ's. At all..

    We're highly selective of who we we choose to be friends with - but once that choice is made, our problem is almost always being able to let go. Which is the exact opposite of being fickle, and why this critique seems out of place. (Note; I am not arguing any of the *prior* critiques, because most of them are relatively accurate to some degree.)
    Please see this recently started thread:
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...bsessions.html
    It's not mentioned in INFJ profiles, but it is alluded to in both Fe & Ni descriptions (I have Jung's & other descriptions in mind). I can quote some, if you like.
    As for NFPs, Ne is certainly alluded to as fickle (and no doubt accounts for the appearance of inconsistency in NFPs), but Fi generally is not (but it is hard to express clearly).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    It's not mentioned in INFJ profiles, but it is alluded to in both Fe & Ni descriptions (I have Jung's & other descriptions in mind). I can quote some, if you like.
    As for NFPs, Ne is certainly alluded to as fickle (and no doubt accounts for the appearance of inconsistency in NFPs), but Fi generally is not (but it is hard to express clearly).
    This.

  10. #50
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I don't know if I would agree that INFPs can read me extremely well and therefore make me feel exposed and prickly. More often, I feel that they are reading me according to what it would mean if they acted that way and I get prickly because they are incorrect but don't think they are and it's NOT RIGHT! I don't know why accuracy like that matters so much to me, but it does, and you can see evidence of that in most of the threads where I have ever tangled with NFPs. I actually really appreciate someone who does know me inside out and who wants to understand how I tick, so I don't think it's a matter of wanting to retain mystique.
    That is generally not how INFPs think. FiNe doesn't work that way ("how would I feel if...."). I am acutely aware of the subjectivity of feelings & of the multitude of ways human feeling plays out, so that it's rare for me to assume that everyone feels as I do.

    However, I think the INFPs are correct that there is something really unsettling and annoying about someone who wants to make little observations about me as I interact with them. Makes me feel like their science experiment or like they are being patronizing. Perhaps this is more what they are referring to about us wanting to be mysterious, as it does indeed bring out the prickly and blunt side of me towards them. It also probably makes me appear rather sensitive and closed-minded, when my own internal assessment is that I'd be open to their observations, but they have to go about it in the correct manner. My objection is when their assessment is incorrect, in which case I will write off their opinions entirely as I don't feel they are qualified to go on OR when they do hit the nail on the head, they need to be careful that the way in which they do it doesn't seem like they are correcting me or laughing at me when they do not have a close enough relationship/appropriate type of relationship with me to do so.
    This is not what I was referring to. I don't make observations of people unless asked (evidence being this thread) or in the context of an offhand remark. The only reason I know I've read INFJs well is because they told me I did. They expressed surprise because they felt most people don't read them so well. There was/is no assumption on my part. If I was ever incorrect in these random remarks, they didn't hesitate to correct me.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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