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  1. #21
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I suspect that the people I'm about to refer to are not particularly "healthy", which might explain a lot - but while I can see the advantages of being more adaptable, I've met ExxPs and xxFPs (those especially) whose words and actions have consistently failed to match up, and who so repeatedly say one thing and then do another that I no longer believe much of what they say, at least in certain areas. I've had sufficient bad experiences with these people that in those areas I just tune them out, don't take it to heart, don't get too involved, and just wait to see what happens, basically.

    This kind of thing can really shake an INFJ if they get too involved because we tend to reflect before we speak and then say things that don't change quickly, and I think we often make the mistake of thinking that many other people of widely varying types are the same. So you can get to the point with people who do the above where you still care about them and wish them well, but basically you find it hard to take them seriously, and possibly hard to even respect them.
    Hmm... well, from the other side of things, I found that many of the people who stay in my life a long time either strongly understand me or are ISxJ's. I think it's because they offer me so much stability in my life, so they have something I need. I suspect they've taken a mental beating from some of my words, (not that I'm mean, but probably a bit unpredictable and not conducive to communicating with more solid types)- but it ends up being a stability in it's own right. Well, because first of all, SJ's are loyal- and second of all, they have something that I clearly lack and need, so I'm likely to be just as loyal and consistent towards them as they are to me, and I also learn over time what they need for communication. It may be a bit different with the Ni system, which I imagine takes the time to notice all the things that don't match up and eventually leave.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

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  2. #22
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I suspect that the people I'm about to refer to are not particularly "healthy", which might explain a lot - but while I can see the advantages of being more adaptable, I've met ExxPs and xxFPs (those especially) whose words and actions have consistently failed to match up, and who so repeatedly say one thing and then do another that I no longer believe much of what they say, at least in certain areas. I've had sufficient bad experiences with these people that in those areas I just tune them out, don't take it to heart, don't get too involved, and just wait to see what happens, basically.

    This kind of thing can really shake an INFJ if they get too involved because we tend to reflect before we speak and then say things that don't change quickly, and I think we often make the mistake of thinking that many other people of widely varying types are the same. So you can get to the point with people who do the above where you still care about them and wish them well, but basically you find it hard to take them seriously, and possibly hard to even respect them.
    Hmm... well, from the other side of things, I found that many of the people who stay in my life a long time either strongly understand me or are ISxJ's. I think it's because they offer me so much stability in my life, so they have something I need. I suspect they've taken a mental beating from some of my words, (not that I'm mean, but probably a bit unpredictable and not conducive to communicating with more solid types)- but it ends up being a stability in it's own right. Well, because first of all, SJ's are loyal- and second of all, they have something that I clearly lack and need, so I'm likely to be just as loyal and consistent towards them as they are to me, and I also learn over time what they need for communication. It may be a bit different with the Ni system, which I imagine takes the time to notice all the things that don't match up and eventually leave.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  3. #23
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    My perspective of INFJs is probably highly different than that of other people. Honestly, it's probably more negative, but possibly more realistic. I don't see any magic unicorn when I see an INFJ, no mystical sage, no reclusive savant. They are certainly not "typical" either though. I would say I enjoy them more than I am impressed by them.

    I actually don't find INFJs reserved & aloof, not with me; they are usually warmer than me & are the ones to approach me. They are certainly not gregarious, not with everyone, but they have this "Fe warmth at arm's length" that is at the very least "polite". This is a positive thing; they seem to make friends easily, everywhere hey go. However, they pick & choose these friends. If they don't like someone, they close up.

    I don't find INFJs to be great, compassionate listeners who offer deep insight & advice, not with me; this is because I am the one listening to them. I've called the INFP the counselor to the Counselor, because that is the role I consistently find myself in with them. They certainly will listen to me, and they can say comforting things, but more often than not they are the ones getting emotional with me. I do see them in their counselor role with others, but somehow the INFP Empath trumps them in regards to who ends up being the more emotionally supportive partner/friend.

    I don't find them hard to read or understand, not any more than the next person. A part of me thinks they resent that I read them rather well; they're not used to it & maybe they like feeling mysterious to others. I think they feel some relief too though. Everyone wants to be known, even if that leaves them vulnerable. I think this is why I don't find them as "impressive" as others do; they're just human to me.

    I DO find them very funny & witty. It's odd how online most are not as humorous as the ones I know in person. They are not crowd-pleasing comedians, but funny in a one-on-one bantering session.

    They DO have unique perspectives, which gels well with my unique perspective. My ex said we both see the world as just a bunch of abstract shapes & that we're both weirdos (this is true). I feel rather at ease with most INFJs very quickly, which I can't say for most people.

    I DO find them intelligent & often talented in some way, but many I've known are surprisingly not book smart. They grasp difficult concepts easily, they quickly form what I'll call "people strategies", and they express themselves well, but most I've known have been frustrated with academics. A big part of this stems from clashing with teachers. INFJs can be very "my way or the highway". As adults, they learn to play the game, but when you hear their real opinions it shows this is just a strategy. That's a little disturbing. On the other hand, this is probably why they make stuff happen easily.

    I DO find INFJs good at accomplishing goals they set. They're good at organizing stuff & pursuing what they want in a way that seems effortless to me. They also will buck the trend where it suits them; I find them an odd mixture of conforming to societal values but in their own idiosyncratic way. I can admire this, especially as it works for them, whereas I'd just end up being cast by others as a weirdo.

    I DO find them very warmly expressive. They give a lot of compliments, commendation & support. They try to be encouraging & helpful with people they like. They have a greater ease of communicating positive feelings, which I admire, as I am very guarded with feelings. They can be very kind & generous also. I've yet to meet a stingy INFJ.

    I DO find they let people be themselves. Sometimes they'll push too much for someone to reach their potential, but ultimately they'll appreciate the unique strengths of individuals. They don't try & change a person into someone they are not.


    I won't bother to go into more negatives in detail here, as this post sums most of it up.
    Let's also just say that when it comes to being made promises & repeatedly having them broken by the other person, I am in the one in that position with the INFJ. I am usually the one who feels deceived & hurt at the end of these relationships (if they do end).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #24
    A window to the soul
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    I enjoy the INFJ's in my life. They help me see the things I miss; especially, feelings. Overall, we make a great team.

  5. #25
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    Orangeappled, that was a great post. Also the one on the negatives. Hits the nail in the head and gave me something to think about.

    We INFJs have a thing or two to learn from ENFPs IMO, I know I'm truly happy when I'm behaving in ENFP-like manner, I mean when I'm not stressing and when I'm happy I act like an ENFP or something like that

    I mean look at Meryl Streep and how she's changed through the years in her interviews

  6. #26
    Vulnerability Eilonwy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    ...
    I don't find INFJs to be great, compassionate listeners who offer deep insight & advice, not with me; this is because I am the one listening to them. I've called the INFP the counselor to the Counselor, because that is the role I consistently find myself in with them. They certainly will listen to me, and they can say comforting things, but more often than not they are the ones getting emotional with me. I do see them in their counselor role with others, but somehow the INFP Empath trumps them in regards to who ends up being the more emotionally supportive partner/friend.
    Even though I don't know you personally, I'd like to thank you and other INFPs for taking on that role. I know there are times I desperately need someone who will listen and understand in a way that others can't. Now I will be aware of that dynamic and make sure I don't take advantage of it unknowingly.
    Johari / Nohari

    “That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin.” ― Gene Wolfe

    reminder to self: "That YOU that you are so proud of is a story woven together by your interpreter module to account for as much of your behavior as it can incorporate, and it denies or rationalizes the rest." "Who's in Charge? Free Will and the Science of the Brain" by Michael S. Gazzaniga

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synth View Post
    Im pretty sure a thread like this has already been created, but Im not going to resurrect an old thread to satiate my growing curiosity. I have here, before me, a website filled with individuals knowledgeable in the area of psychology and the MBTI, who also post behavior patterns as a side thought.

    I want to know from personal standpoints from various other types, how an INFJ in personal and professional lives are viewed as well as views from those who can only speculate given lack of interaction with an actual INFJ. Id also like to encourage other INFJs on this site to chime in and tell me how you view someone of "like type" so to speak.

    Ive done a lot of reading on here and lurked on various boards trying to get a rounded view, but a lot of focus tends to be on types *other* than INFJ.

    I also would like to ask that feelings and opinions based on INFJ be both from a typology stand point and from a personal one, if any kind of difference exists to anyone on that.

    Looking forward to responses!
    I work with 2 INFJs and I have had a few INFJ friends over the years so I will give a little synopsis on what I have seen.

    Professional Pros:
    • They are awesome with customers - so friendly and helpful and patient.
    • They are super fun and random to hang out with and talk to.
    • I have a lot of fun with them.


    Professional Cons:
    • A stickler for organization but not good with details at all.
    • Sometimes they get sucked into the Ni vortex of "things need to be this way because I created this reality inside my head."


    Personal Pros:
    • Great listeners.
    • Very sweet.
    • Give good hugs.
    • Make yummy food for me.


    Personal Cons:
    • Paranoia.
    • The crazy pin-pointing they can do in their personal lives... Like, I want to be married so I am going to buy myself a wedding dress and make my boyfriend ask me.
    • Obsession on people and events and the inability to let go at times.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    My perspective of INFJs is probably highly different than that of other people. Honestly, it's probably more negative, but possibly more realistic. I don't see any magic unicorn when I see an INFJ, no mystical sage, no reclusive savant. They are certainly not "typical" either though. I would say I enjoy them more than I am impressed by them.

    I actually don't find INFJs reserved & aloof, not with me; they are usually warmer than me & are the ones to approach me. They are certainly not gregarious, not with everyone, but they have this "Fe warmth at arm's length" that is at the very least "polite". This is a positive thing; they seem to make friends easily, everywhere hey go. However, they pick & choose these friends. If they don't like someone, they close up.

    I don't find INFJs to be great, compassionate listeners who offer deep insight & advice, not with me; this is because I am the one listening to them. I've called the INFP the counselor to the Counselor, because that is the role I consistently find myself in with them. They certainly will listen to me, and they can say comforting things, but more often than not they are the ones getting emotional with me. I do see them in their counselor role with others, but somehow the INFP Empath trumps them in regards to who ends up being the more emotionally supportive partner/friend.

    I don't find them hard to read or understand, not any more than the next person. A part of me thinks they resent that I read them rather well; they're not used to it & maybe they like feeling mysterious to others. I think they feel some relief too though. Everyone wants to be known, even if that leaves them vulnerable. I think this is why I don't find them as "impressive" as others do; they're just human to me.

    I DO find them very funny & witty. It's odd how online most are not as humorous as the ones I know in person. They are not crowd-pleasing comedians, but funny in a one-on-one bantering session.

    They DO have unique perspectives, which gels well with my unique perspective. My ex said we both see the world as just a bunch of abstract shapes & that we're both weirdos (this is true). I feel rather at ease with most INFJs very quickly, which I can't say for most people.

    I DO find them intelligent & often talented in some way, but many I've known are surprisingly not book smart. They grasp difficult concepts easily, they quickly form what I'll call "people strategies", and they express themselves well, but most I've known have been frustrated with academics. A big part of this stems from clashing with teachers. INFJs can be very "my way or the highway". As adults, they learn to play the game, but when you hear their real opinions it shows this is just a strategy. That's a little disturbing. On the other hand, this is probably why they make stuff happen easily.

    I DO find INFJs good at accomplishing goals they set. They're good at organizing stuff & pursuing what they want in a way that seems effortless to me. They also will buck the trend where it suits them; I find them an odd mixture of conforming to societal values but in their own idiosyncratic way. I can admire this, especially as it works for them, whereas I'd just end up being cast by others as a weirdo.

    I DO find them very warmly expressive. They give a lot of compliments, commendation & support. They try to be encouraging & helpful with people they like. They have a greater ease of communicating positive feelings, which I admire, as I am very guarded with feelings. They can be very kind & generous also. I've yet to meet a stingy INFJ.

    I DO find they let people be themselves. Sometimes they'll push too much for someone to reach their potential, but ultimately they'll appreciate the unique strengths of individuals. They don't try & change a person into someone they are not.


    I won't bother to go into more negatives in detail here, as this post sums most of it up.
    Let's also just say that when it comes to being made promises & repeatedly having them broken by the other person, I am in the one in that position with the INFJ. I am usually the one who feels deceived & hurt at the end of these relationships (if they do end).
    Good post!

    I really love the team that an INFP and INFJ can make. I work with 2 and we are all very close together. We spend a lot of time together just talking things out, and it's so refreshing to have that N kind of connection going on. I find that I fulfill the role of idea-generator, and help them find new ways of looking at things. In turn, they help me narrow down my crazy ideaness. It's a great fit. I would love to set up shop as a counselor someday with an INFJ.

  9. #29
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I don't find [INFJs] hard to read or understand, not any more than the next person. A part of me thinks they resent that I read them rather well; they're not used to it & maybe they like feeling mysterious to others. I think they feel some relief too though. Everyone wants to be known, even if that leaves them vulnerable. I think this is why I don't find them as "impressive" as others do; they're just human to me.
    I smiled when I read this. I've thought this myself about INFJs. I feel like I can read them very well which really unnerves the hell out of them... which, of course, I read very well and in order to make them more comfortable I try to make it less obvious that I can see through them so clearly.

    Yeah, my read on it is that INFJs like to choose - and they choose most carefully - when to reveal their motivations. But don't we xNFxs all tend to read each other very well due to us being on the same NF wavelength? Maybe ENFPs are just more willing to show their ability to read another person (the whole Fi connection thing coupled with the E diarrhea of the mouth thing) than the other NF types.

    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  10. #30
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I work with 2 INFJs and I have had a few INFJ friends over the years so I will give a little synopsis on what I have seen.

    Professional Pros:
    • They are awesome with customers - so friendly and helpful and patient.
    • They are super fun and random to hang out with and talk to.
    • I have a lot of fun with them.


    Professional Cons:
    • A stickler for organization but not good with details at all.
    • Sometimes they get sucked into the Ni vortex of "things need to be this way because I created this reality inside my head."


    Personal Pros:
    • Great listeners.
    • Very sweet.
    • Give good hugs.
    • Make yummy food for me.


    Personal Cons:
    • Paranoia.
    • The crazy pin-pointing they can do in their personal lives... Like, I want to be married so I am going to buy myself a wedding dress and make my boyfriend ask me.
    • Obsession on people and events and the inability to let go at times.
    @Saturned, this post completely cracked me up. Very fair, very balance, and very true. My personal favorite was:
    • Sometimes they get sucked into the Ni vortex of "things need to be this way because I created this reality inside my head."


    ^^^^
    Ha ha! So on the money.

    (Now don't you INFJs get your hackles up with me, please. I adore my INFJ friends, but it's good to laugh at our foibles every once in a while. )
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

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