Ah, thank you. I feel a little less despair now. Certainly more appreciated for what I'm good at! That tracking thing is the crux of it -- if the INFJ feels you're not tracking in return, that's a huge reason, you put your finger right on it, for deflecting further interaction. It's not that there's some magic word or formula, it's that the appearance of critical disclosures not registering is terrifying. What's the point in talking about things if you don't remember what we talked about? That's how it sometimes appears to us, I think.
It sounds like it's not that you don't remember, more like you don't see that it continues to apply?