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  1. #1
    Anew Leaf
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    Default Fi - How Do You Deal With Emotional Invasions?

    I am just curious as to how other Fi users deal with people being emotionally invasive with them.

    Do you speak up and tell the person that they are crossing a line?
    Do you withdraw and create some distance?
    Do you roll with it and let it happen?

    Emotionally Invasive: I view this as when people don't respect my emotional boundaries with them. When they expect things from me that primarily benefit them and occasionally hurt me in the process.

  2. #2
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Probably all three, depending on severity.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  3. #3
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    Highly dependent upon the circumstances. If it's someone I feel capable of being more assertive with, I'll straight up tell them to back off. If it's someone who I feel at all intimidated by (which is usually the case) I tend to just withdraw.

    That being said, being someone withdrawn like that is usually a standard mode of operation for me, so most people know that crossing those lines won't get them anywhere anyway.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  4. #4
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    Highly dependent upon the circumstances. If it's someone I feel capable of being more assertive with, I'll straight up tell them to back off. If it's someone who I feel at all intimidated by (which is usually the case) I tend to just withdraw.

    That being said, being someone withdrawn like that is usually a standard mode of operation for me, so most people know that crossing those lines won't get them anywhere anyway.
    Interesting. I am surprised that you would be intimidated by others. (I tend to view myself as a spineless plate of jello ^_^ though.)

    So you tend to retreat inward... do you say anything about it? Or just withdraw to give them the hint/picture?

  5. #5
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Interesting. I am surprised that you would be intimidated by others. (I tend to view myself as a spineless plate of jello ^_^ though.)

    So you tend to retreat inward... do you say anything about it? Or just withdraw to give them the hint/picture?
    I'm much more quiet/passive in person than I come across on here. Actually, a lot of people tend to be surprised just by hearing my voice how soft/meek I come across (compared to my text). It's more of an 'inward retreat'. I'm just distant and quiet.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  6. #6
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Yeah I kinda just stop wanting to interact with somebody if they are cramping my style too much.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  7. #7
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    I'm much more quiet/passive in person than I come across on here. Actually, a lot of people tend to be surprised just by hearing my voice how soft/meek I come across (compared to my text). It's more of an 'inward retreat'. I'm just distant and quiet.
    Ah ok! That makes sense. And yes, I am a bit surprised. (As soon as I read that I thought of this post:

    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    I hear that. I've had a pretty serious crush on Eric clear up until this 'puppy dog Eric' nonsense. Let the Patches-Eric fantasies resuuuuume.


    Thanks for your input!

  8. #8
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Yeah I kinda just stop wanting to interact with somebody if they are cramping my style too much.
    I definitely have a retreat mode. What gets more frustrating is when this occurs and I cannot retreat from them or the situation easily. Family Member/SO, etc.

  9. #9
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I'm still not entirely sure what you mean by emotionally invasive, as I can still see many ways that could occur (?). I'll take it to mean that someone is violating an emotional need of mine by being selfish.

    In that case, I call them on it. This was an issue with my ex INFJ. If I called him on something selfish, he'd be hurt that I was hurt (how could anyone ever accuse HIM of hurting them? he's incapable of such things! ). I was never allowed to be hurt. I'm very patient & reasonable, but I'm not a doormat - never have been, never will be. All I ask is that someone consider my needs too & doesn't invalidate my feelings when I tell them I feel hurt or ignored. If they violate my needs, then I will speak up & give them a chance to correct it.

    If it's a case of someone being very needy to the point where it's crossing my personal space/time boundaries, then I will roll with it a few times (as everyone has needy/invasive moments), but if it becomes a pattern, then I will most likely withdraw & create distance. I may keep walking if I see them - just saying "Hi" and not allowing a full conversation to start. I may respond to emails with brief & to the point answers, not take phone calls and/or preface conversations with a time limit ("I can't talk long"). This is probably a bit passive, especially when I use excuses or avoidance. I'm usually very good at saying "no" to direct requests, but indirect presumptions that I can give them my time & ear are harder to be direct about, because you have to basically stop/interrupt them.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #10
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I'm still not entirely sure what you mean by emotionally invasive, as I can still see many ways that could occur (?). I'll take to mean that someone is violating an emotional need of mine by being selfish.

    In that case, I call them on it. This was an issue with my ex INFJ. If I called him on something selfish, he'd be hurt that I was hurt (how could anyone ever accuse HIM of hurting them? he's incapable of such things! ). I was never allowed to be hurt. I'm very patient & reasonable, but I'm not a doormat - never have been, never will be. All I ask is that someone consider my needs too & doesn't invalidate my feelings when I tell them I feel hurt or ignored. If they violate my needs, then I will speak up & give them a chance to correct it.

    If it's a case of someone being very needy to the point where it's crossing my personal space/time boundaries, then I will roll with it a few times (as everyone has needy/invasive moments), but if it becomes a pattern, then I will most likely withdraw & create distance. I may keep walking if I see them - just saying "Hi" and not allowing a full conversation to start. I may respond to emails with brief & to the point answers, not take phone calls and/or preface conversations with a time limit ("I can't talk long"). This is probably a bit passive, especially when I use excuses or avoidance. I'm usually very good at saying "no" to direct requests, but indirect presumptions that I can give them my time & ear are harder to be direct about, because you have to basically stop/interrupt them.
    I am sorry for being so vague. I have a specific instance in my head right now but I don't want my experience to cloud the thread into "Saturns problems" versus my real intent which is to gather information about how other Fi people do things. My natural instinct is to extricate myself from the situation and create a lot of distance fast. However, not every situation allows for this.

    I can relate to both bits that you said quite a bit. Especially on the needy point. Man... needy people cause me to disappear faster than a baked ham at oprah's house.

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