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  1. #41
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    For a more concrete view, I just leave. I pull up the drawbridge of my castle.

    People do one thing, and I feel bad. People do another, and I feel good. And being some sort of praise starved INFP_4, I get sucked into this. I allow myself to feel really good or really bad about what other people's response to my existence.

    It's like a control panel with buttons, so what I'm doing is putting security codes on everything or putting sheild so that people have less and less influence on my buttons.

    This may be tangential to what you are asking, Saturn'd. Also, it may not be healthy.

    If nobody can push any buttons or if the drawbridge is totally closed, then won't I be lonely or die? Must'nt I remain vunerable and put some squishy part out there? Can someone be whole without any umbilicals to others?

    I'm not sure where I will be, but I'm cutting off those umbilicals, pulling up the drawbridges, etc. I own my emotions, and my response to the world, and no one else is given government there.

    There is an open question about how narcissitic this is, and whether it is healthy, but I feel I can't allow myself to be sucked in any longer. I don't want to invest myself so much in basing my feelings on what other people do. I trim myself back in my expectations.

    I guess I'm speaking more universally than your specific situation. However, I think it's applicable. It involves turning the question back on myself rather than expecting others to change. I think that I am responsible for how much I invest myself in what I expect others to do.

    Further, I'm describing a castle. I think you are saying that people are already inside. I can scarcly imagine that happening to me, but if it did, I'd probably load them into the catapult, and shoot them to the other side of the forest.

  2. #42
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    Part of me says they should just go fuck themselves. I wish that I could just say those words more. Sadly, part of Fi is also not wanting to hurt anybody and by practice, I often end up not wanting to say what I want to say. The reverse is actually also true, sometimes someone says something and doesn't mean any harm, but I overreact and give them a bad Te bitchslap. It's hard to win.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  3. #43
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    I have a zero tolerance policy for emotional invasion. personal space, both physically and emotionally is a fundamental human need and right, so I make an effort to define my boundaries clearly in that regard. with 95% of people, it's simply a communication issue and if you just explain to them that they're invading your bubble, they get the picture. if someone does insist on being pushy and invasive, a swift Te/w8 bitch slap usually does the trick.
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  4. #44
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I am just curious as to how other Fi users deal with people being emotionally invasive with them.

    Do you speak up and tell the person that they are crossing a line?
    Do you withdraw and create some distance?
    Do you roll with it and let it happen?

    Emotionally Invasive: I view this as when people don't respect my emotional boundaries with them. When they expect things from me that primarily benefit them and occasionally hurt me in the process.
    I try to remove myself from the situation. Avoiding is my best tactique...

  5. #45
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    I try to remove myself from the situation. Avoiding is my best tactique...
    what if it's someone you have to deal with on a regular basis? say, an unhealthy ENFJ mom who refuses to give you space?
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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  6. #46
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    what if it's someone you have to deal with on a regular basis? say, an unhealthy ENFJ mom who refuses to give you space?
    Then I try to keep the contact with them as brief/short as possible. And I try not to go along with their emotional outbursts. It is difficult, I admit.

  7. #47
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    Then I try to keep the contact with them as brief/short as possible. And I try not to go along with their emotional outbursts. It is difficult, I admit.
    do you want to do anything to disincentivize further emotional crowding?
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  8. #48
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    do you want to do anything to disincentivize further emotional crowding?
    That's a good question for any of us- answer is no. If someone is doing that, it usually means they care somehow. I would only want to ward them off as long as it took me to regain my thoughts. Most people in my life who have experienced and overcome this phenomenon know my boundaries.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

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  9. #49
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    That's a good question for any of us- answer is no. If someone is doing that, it usually means they care somehow. I would only want to ward them off as long as it took me to regain my thoughts. Most people in my life who have experienced and overcome this phenomenon know my boundaries.
    I would not want an emotionally crowding person in my life no matter how much they cared. something is not better than nothing, no relationship is a better alternative than an emotionally toxic one. that's part of the reason the said behavior ensues. people have stopped using classical conditioning all together and it's allowed a plethora of problems to spring up. if people in a toxic relationship would just leave, eventually people would get the point and their would be less emotionally toxic people.
    granted, if they make an effort to at least TRY to stop what they're doing, I can work with that, but when someone just refuses to give the other person space, I want to part of a relationship with that person.
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

  10. #50
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    I would not want an emotionally crowding person in my life no matter how much they cared. something is not better than nothing, no relationship is a better alternative than an emotionally toxic one. that's part of the reason the said behavior ensues. people have stopped using classical conditioning all together and it's allowed a plethora of problems to spring up. if people in a toxic relationship would just leave, eventually people would get the point and their would be less emotionally toxic people.
    granted, if they make an effort to at least TRY to stop what they're doing, I can work with that, but when someone just refuses to give the other person space, I want to part of a relationship with that person.

    Well, in my case, the people "crowding" aren't always emotionally toxic people. I'm just easily crowded. So technically I'm the emotionally toxic one- I normally accept them to come back.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
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